‘PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES’
02.09.09
Yo, dawg, you know dat muthaf-ckin Jane Austen book, Pride and Prejudice and shit? Well imagine that shit… wit zombies. Awwwwwwwwwww sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit……
JANE Austen’s classic novel Pride and Prejudice is being updated as a zombie horror book and film. A parody of the English novel is due to be published in April under the name Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, with Hollywood studios already bidding to turn the new book into a blockbuster movie.
The new book has been penned by Los Angeles-based TV comedy writer Seth Grahame-Smith*, who has been able to update Austen’s original tale because it is out of copyright.
Austen fans are in for a shock, with heroine Elizabeth Bennet and her four sisters becoming zombie slayers and taught how to fight like Japanese ninjas by Mr Darcy.
“It quickly became obvious that Jane (Austen) had laid down the blueprint for a zombie novel,” The Sunday Times quoted Grahame-Smith as saying. “Why else in the original should a regiment arrive on Lizzie Bennet’s doorstep when they should have been off fighting Napoleon? It was to protect the family from an invasion of brain-eaters, obviously.” [News.com.au - Thanks to Arik for the tip]
Okay, I admit, that actually sounds kind of awesome. Plus, it may pave the way for some of the books I’ve written, such as Sense and Sensibility and a Tiger, and The Red Badge of Lesbians.
*who wrote two episodes of “History’s Mysteries”, according to IMDB.
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Let’s not forget Little Brothel on the Prairie
I’m currently writing Wuthering Heights From Which To Push Pregnant Women.
“Why else in the original should a regiment arrive on Lizzie Bennet’s doorstep when they should have been off fighting” Nazi zombies???
Now I can dust off my rom-com: A Tale of Two City Girls and One Cup
just in case you were wondering, i would very much like to have sexual relations with Keira Knightley
Good news, this means my plan to shop a screenplay called War and Peace-Out starring Will Smith can move forward.
They should have made it a double feature along side “Emma(nent) Danger: She’s want to eat your cock.”
Zombie hunting in England? Say, you know how to tell if the British chick you’re fucking is dead?
No punchline, seriously, I’d like to know.
Anybody want to buy my script about a young student who learns valuable life lessons from peeping into women’s bathrooms? I call it Candide Camera
The original novel bored me half to death, so this can only be an improvement.
Now if only somebody could fix The Old Man and the Sea with zombie sharks or something, we’d be set.
How about a crazy old knight who rides through Tijuana?
Donkey Hodey
Also in pre-production: A Beautiful Mind to Eat
Ini Kamoze starring in a revenge tale that’s already been told?
Moby Dick-Step
How about a crazy old homosexual knight who rides through Tijuana?
Don qui-joto
Time for me to finish that Megan Fox script about Victorian England’s first dyke bar, The Old Bi-Curiosity Shop.
If you want it to sell, Donk, you better call it TDCOK: Ledger’s Ultimatum.
On second thought, that does NOT acronym well.
Snoop Dogg in a hilarious (and heartwarming) tale of time-travel and culture clashes? The Pickwick Rollin’ Papers
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS.
Good opinion once lost, is lost forever. As was my arm, which I am afraid to say fell off last fortnight.
I’m saving my $9.50 for Undeath of a Salesman.
Adieu to disappointment and spleen. Adieu to the spleen, because I ate it. Adieu to the disappointment, because that was some exquisite spleen.
They walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects. Let’s go to the mall.
The author should write this under the pseudonym Braaaaaaain Austen.
Keira Knightley stars in the necrophilac gang-rape fantasy porno flick: “Entombment”. Starts Friday.
C-Joaq would rap about this movie, but there are a lot of “R’s” in the title, and “zombies” doesn’t exactly roll off for a harelip.
George Romero’s remake of the zombie version will just be called And.
Mr_D, those are
a fewall of my favorite things.…amongst my most hated things: properspacing.
new up, you say? fuck it. i got good seats.
“Why else in the original should a regiment arrive on Lizzie Bennet’s doorstep when they should have been off fighting” Nazi zombies???”
That’s “Pride and DeadJewDiss.” Totally different film.
I just want to know where the fuck they’re going to find brains in a Jane Austen novel. What will the Bennet girls be slaughtering the zombies with, their hats?
Your book the Red Badge of Lesbians sounds eerily similar to my upcoming debut novel The Red Vag of Courage.