PAZ VEGA’S BUTT IS IN A MOVIE
02.25.09
Not Forgotten played at Slamdance and was picked up for distribution by Anchor Bay. The rundown: Jack Bishop (Simon Baker) was a handsome family man with a clean suit, a cleft chin, and a wife with an ass made of rainbows and angel cum. Then one day, his daughter was kidnapped by Satanists, as so often happens these days. That’s when Bishop revealed the secret he’d been long trying to conceal: he has claws you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry he’s a pro wrestler he’s an ex Navy Seal he’s a vampire he used to be a hitman for the Mexican mafia. Well that sucks. Would’ve been better if we found out HE WAS ACTUALLY A TIGER ALL ALONG!
But the important thing here is that the bodies do indeed hit the floor.
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I have a secret…
I’m the REAL Green Ranger.
Wow they are already making a sequel to Taken?
I myself once dabbled in Santa Muerteism. Not in ‘Nam of course.
Shitty VO guy: This year…
Don LaFontaine will roll in his grave.
Wait, what was the name of this movie again?
CoolH – it’s not a sequel, it’s a “re-imagining”, with “re-imagined” elements of History of Violence, Unborn and Fireproof, amongst others.
Should be as awesome as it sounds.
*SPOILER* Liam Neeson would whup The Mentalist’s ass.
“If ju are lookeen for ransom, I can tell ju dat I don’t have money. But what I do have ees a set a skeelz dat make me a nightmare for putos like ju. I will look for ju, I will find ju, and I will cut ju.”
At least now we know Claire Forlani is still alive.
{adds ‘Claire Forlani’ to potential-stalkee list}
Donk FTW with the Messican judo.
The biggest problem with being a Mexican hitman is shooting up your target’s knees during a drive-by.
Ah, shit. Baker’s mental prowess just made me let my hostages go. Where the hell did I put those bolas?
Simon Baker fits the mold of a hitman for Mexicans like I fit the mold of a sexual dynamo for women.
Unless there’s a MILF-throwback-cheerleader sex scene like there was in the first one, there’s no way in hell I’m paying to se
I’m totally gonna see this!
*?*
FUCK YOU SIMON!!
Simon Baker will be starring in Very Forgotten in about a year.
If my daughter was ever kidnapped and I had the opportunity to speak over the phone with her captors, I’d be sure to warn them: “Careful who you’re fucking with…she drags her teeth.”
I have another secret:
I’m the one they call Dr. Feelgood. I’m the one that makes you feel alright.
Being a Mexican hitman on assignment must take twice as long if you’re allowed to take a siesta every afternoon.
Pauly’s gonna be your Frankenstein!!
“You look thirsty man, you want some water?”
“Sure! Hey, wait a minute, you’re not a Mexican hit man, are you?”
“Damnit, you caught me!”
Fin………*BANG!*
If I were a Mexican hitman, my calling card at every hit would be firing two pistols into the air screaming “AY CARUMBA!”
Oh, he’s the “swish” from LA Confidential. Knew i’d seen him in something before. They’re asking for trouble with that title and what’s this “lives the life of every man’s dream” bullshit? I didn’t see any balls being stomped on by a heels wearing Summer Glau in that trailer.
You know what would be really fucking comfy? If a group of Satinists kidnapped you.
{Rewinds joke box about three weeks}
I call her Pax Vega, cuz I wanna get all.over.that.
Viva Paz Vega’s butt.
Mexican hitman will take the job for half the price but he doesn’t actually have a license and there is a good chance he will fail.
Mexican hitman deliver tacos….
WITH BLOOD!
Mexican hitman are nice enough to ask is “Ju want the gun o ju want the knife?”
Mexican hitman will cut you like a lawn.
Mexican hitman places a saladito in his victim’s mouths.
Mexican hitman put Spanish Fly in your drink a seduce you to death.
Mexican hitman returns home and lights a jesus candle after each of his murders.
If mexican hitman ever tries to kill Paz Vega I will make an attempt to revive her with mouth-to-ass resuscitation.
Mexican Hitman drives a ranfla and parks 3 blocks away from the intended target because that carrucha is firme and sounds like a helicoptero.
Mexican Hitman fears no one but the Cucuy and the Cucuy, yeah, he fears Danny Trejo.
Mexican Hitman is a dishwasher at Dennys during the off-season.
Mexican Hitman is nacho friend.
Mexican mafia warn you to stay off their turf.
They just mowed it this morning.
How do Mexican Hitmen slice their pizzas?
No, not with “Little Ceasers”. They do it before the pizza even knows it’s cut.
Mexican mafia = disorganized crime.
Mexican Hitman #1: My heina wants to go on a vacación….
Mexican Hitman #2: Tijuana?
Mexican Hitman #1: Hell no! Fuck that puta, Ese.
Why did the Mexican make a lousy hitman?
Because he was regularly incapacitated by Hispanic attacks.
.
.
.
meh.
In heaven you get to use Paz Vegas’s ass for a pillow.
For those of you still interested about Paz Vega’s butt, and haven’t seen the movie, check out Sex & Lucia (2001). While it is in spanish, she is naked and screwing for most of the movie. So…..the butt cam butt screen shot is just work of an amature.
Wow, her body is great! I heard you can mingle with people like Paz Vega’s Butt at htt p://me_horny_latino_douche.com
That milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
In heaven you get to use Paz Vegas’s ass for a pillow.
“Paz VEGA”.
“Paz Vegas” is the answer you’ll get from Vin Diesel when you ask him for directions to Death Valley.
While he’s filling your tank in Beaver, Utah.
Either that, or “Paz Vegas” is a tranny stripper at Mexico City’s number one celebrity-themed strip joint.
Will need confirmation. Pauly?
Paz Vega is what I drove to the prom because my Chevelle was in the shop. I did not get laid.
Paz Vega is what I told my girlfriend she should look like. I, too, did not get laid.
Fifty-first!!
In your face, Hawaii!