Homophobic Turtle wants to know how you got your arms like that. Do you do preacher curls? A lotta iso? He’d love some pointers.
This new international poster for X-Men Origins: Wolverine is in French, and they don’t have any wolverines in France, so I suppose they can be forgiven for mistaking Wolverine for the Wolf Man. Also, I think the poster artist might have majored in cock drawing at art school.
New tagline? Wolverine: More fun than a gay wax museum.
[via WorstPreviews]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Wolverine-Tripod-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/the-wolverine-has-a-new-trailer-with-the-silver-samurai-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/only-god-forgives-poster-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/hugh-jackman-ramey-3-150x150.jpg)
With that tree behind him, it looks like he’s so fucking hardcore that veins are literally popping out of his left arm.
Wolverine is a huge Ozzie Ozbourne fan.
The only way I’ve ever gotten my arms to look like that with adamantium is by flushing it a few times.
“Oklahooooooooooooooooooooooma!!!”
New tagline: Wolverine: Because Honey Badger would be a really gay superhero name.
Ozzie Ozbourne played Geroge Washingto’s inauguration.
“Your hear me father: I DON’T WANT YOUR LIFE!!!!!!”
Spoiler alert: I like the part where he takes his claws out and yells at God.
If Wolverine ever expects to make it in the superhero business he is going to have to dress better than in that wife beater and shave that shit off his face.
It’s 90% about making a good first impression.
“I got this belt buckle ON FUCKING SALE!!!!”
I dunno, the cock bulge is really distracting from the cock bulge. I mean, claws.
His diet and workout routine consist of high protein man juice and extreme jazz hands
“Herbal Essences will CONDITION THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HAIR!!!!!”
Yeah Tengo, otherwise when you show up to help the girl who’s about to get raped, she’s just going to think she’s about to get gang-raped.
And let me tell you, it’s fucking hard to help someone when they’re screaming at you and smacking you with their purse.
Poster: Wolverine attempts to name the Childlike Empress.
“I gotta shit and I CAN’T TAKE OFF THESE FUCKING PANTS WITH THESE FUCKING CLAWS!”
“This outfit was HALF OFF AT MERVYN’S!!!!!”
“Homphobic Turtle, I’M NOT FUCKING GAY!!!!!!”
Pauly,
It’s not the taking off the pants that’s the problem. It’s the wiping afterward that gets dicey.
“I went to punch my girlfriend in the right eye and ENDED UP CUTTING HER FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!!”
Dor sho gha! Wolverine is the last boss of “Beat ‘Em and Eat ‘Em”???
Wolverine’s still upset that he didn’t have his rubber ducky for his bubble bath.
“I didn’t know Viagra was going to ERECT MY FUCKING CLAWS TOO!”
DOWNY SOFT, MOTHERFUCKER!
“Mr. Gorbachev, TEAR DOWN THIS FUCKING WALL!!!!!”
“I went to backhand Ric Flair my girlfriend’s kid and accidentally cut all of his clothes off…and then my girlfriend walked in. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!”
Now that I know Avril Lavigne was named by a French Earth-worshipping, Gaia-loving hippie, I still don’t care for her music much.
Wolverine’s pissed because he just saw an infomercial for a set of Ginsu claws that were half the price he paid for his and come with a free Shamwow for the first 10 callers.
“Stop calling me FUCKING LE WOLVERINE!”
He’s whispering something to Michelle Rodriguez.
The French are nailing this poster to every tree in the Ardennes Forest, hoping that the Germans are at least half as frightened of it as they are.
“HEEEELP, SOMEBODY! MY BALLS ITCH!”
Wolverine is mad because after waiting all day he finally realized he had been stood up by Cross Country Heat.
Calgon TAKE ME AWAY!!!
I FUCKING LOVE SAUSAGE!!!!
That’s right – I tee’d that one off my taco joke…
WHO LEFT THE FUCKING SEAT UP?!?!?
He just found a scratch on his new F-150.
Not Even TWO WEEKS OLD!
THAT’S THE WRONG HOLE!!!!!
Just kidding, baby, that’s the right one.
IT’S RAINING MEN!!!
I TOLD YOU A REACH AROUND WAS A BAD IDEA!!!!
{I kissed a girl comes on the radio}
WHAT THE FUCK WITH THIS FUCKING SONG?!?
“I don’t care if I freeze to death, I’m going to CATCH A FUCKING SNOW FLAKE!!!”
What you can’t see is the invisible X-dude dropping cock into his mouth.
MAN GARGLE!!
CARLY SIMON WROTE A HIT SONG ABOUT ME!!!!!
He’s upset about Dan Rosen.
(Wolverine sees the smoldering remains of Professor Xavier’s School for the gifted)
“You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”
Tom Berenger just flew off in the helo with the rest of the platoon.
epN wU, KBT!
WHEN YOU SAID THERE WAS A CLAUSE IN THE CONTRACT, THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND!!!!!!!
New up. Moderately less gay. Sorry Pauly.
Jackman didn’t take the plans for a Van Helsing sequel real well.
I’m sorry…what was I doing again…looking at Jackman’s crotch…yes..that’s what I was doing. Back to it.
“I hate MOWING THE LAWN!”