Hey, rockbiters, wanna see my teeny weeny?
In 1989, this guy decided to trick out his what I believe is a 1979 Ford Econoline van with a Neverending Story theme. He has a Neverending Story I mural painted on the passenger side and a Neverending Story II mural on the driver’s side. Neither of which explains the cholo-style chain-link steering wheel or the HOLY SHIT ARE THOSE BARS ON THE BACK WINDOWS??!?? RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, KIDS, IT’S THE RAPEMOBILE!
Additional stats: The Rapemobile eschews “Do Your Ears Hang Low” in favor of Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen.
One more thing: I decided to check out the guestbook of the guy’s early 90s-style website and found this entry:
Ann Coulter Thursday, 2/12/09, 12:16 AM
I love your van! See, that’s what’s right with America: A person can love a movie so much that they can use their freedom to make such a statement freely. I want to make sweet love to you in that van. Tie me up and take me hard!
From: Washington DC
Web Site: AnnCoulter.com
Email: ann@anncoulter.com
I wonder if it’s really her!
[thanks to /Film for finding this]
UPDATE: As requested by the van owner’s wife, I would like to point out that I was only making a joke about him being a rapist or a child molester. And, though I thought it was pretty obvious, I’d further like to point out that I have no evidence, nor did I mean to imply that I had evidence, that he likes to rape and/or child molest. Of course, anything’s possible.
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I’ll take two!
The Neverending Story here is guys that drive around in shit like this haven’t touched a girl since middle school P.E. class.
He washes it with his own tears of loneliness.
This van was created by Molest Coast Customs.
Bastian: Do you like it Falkor?
Falkor: Bastian, um…you really got to get on with your life man.
I couldn’t help but notice the CB radio antenna. 10:1 says this guys CB handle is “Falkor’s Fuckwagon”.
I’ve heard of self promotion Wolfgang Peterson but this is ridiculous.
AAAAAATTTTTTRRRRREEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!
There’s a small hole in the wood paneling that he calls the Neverending Glory.
Wow…..John Singleton was reeeeally going in a different direction with the new A-Team movie.
This is actually the L.A. bookmobile.
My SeaQuest DSV rape van has a custom Ted Raimi tailpipe.
This guy seems legit.
If this vans’a rockin, it’s because I have kids chained to the armrests.
I give that neverending story about 40,000 more miles.
Say what you will, you know all you fuckers cried when that horse died.
My ledgerous uncle has a “Cat in the Hat” themed van. He uses it to visit children left at home alone on rainy nights.
I have a hunch that this guy’s story ends in a Polyester and Rayon fueled inferno.
The bars are to keep in the epic never ending adventure…ummm…or the malnutritioned kinapped half naked children…both perhaps.
Vincenzo, you’re really going to make a dig at a guy about him having a 90′s style web site when you can’t even send PM’s on yours?
Thanks Jessica. This post had piqued my interest in The Neverending Story films. Now that I know a horse dies in it, I’ll just have to watch Stop My Ass Is On Fire XII. Again.
The owner’s only request to the painter was to cover the van in things that were uglier then he was. Obviously, mythical turtle creatures was the only solution.
This reminds me … my van’s due for its infinity-thousand mile service.
The Neverending Stoooooorrryyyyyyyy!!! Uhhuhuh! Uhhuhuh! Uhhuhuhhhh! God I loved that song. And now its ruined by mental images of a 6 year old sucking a dude off.
He also has a sweet tricked out motorcycle with a sidecar that has scenes painted on it from “The Wizard.” Turns out he’s just a real big Fred Savage fan.
This guys stores the dismembered pieces of his victims in falcore.
I cried when the horse died … just another (Ar)tax for us working-class shlubs to foot the bill for.
My Krull van’s leather steering wheel is made from authentic Clydesdale hide.
Is he the last one leaving the swap meet, or the first one there for teeball practice?
This settles it. I’m going to start working on a killer robot to go back in time and kill the man who created the air brush.
And I would have gotten away with it to if it weren’t you meddling, obviously still living with your parents, sexually abused at a young age, clinging onto joyfully brief moments of your childhood KIDS!!!!
Uncle Tickle’s Happy Funtime Keep This Between Us Van.
You guys are mean! This guy has a set of movies that brings him happiness in his life and wants to share that with people, and all you guys can do is make fun of him? He has feelings too, you know. Like on his falcor tattoo’d penis. Go ahead and touch the luck dragon. “Having a luck dragon with you is the only way to go on a quest.”
I was looking at quotes for The Neverending Story and came across this one. I imagine these exact words are exchanged every time he shows a new kid his van:
Falcor: I like children.
Atreyu: [nervously] For breakfast?
Jesus, forgive me for I have sinned.
equipped with chloroform nasal spray for kiddies with colds
This is what Kip would’ve done with Uncle Rico’s van if he’d never met Lafawn-duh.
When I was little that guy used to call his balls stones and made me pretend to be the rock muncher.
If this vans’a rockin, it’s because I have dogs chained to the armrests.
HOLY SHIT: i’ve dreamed of this van for my entire life. I would gladly get raped in the back of this, as long as he pets the tattoo of Artax on my ass.
Dreams can still come true. I have faith.
this is actually the shuttle van for his daycare “ice cream wishes and puppie dreams” also he frequently asks children if they have ever had a sundae with chocolate and caramel!? do you kids like magic…don’t tell your parents…gurgle
Listen you douchbags this is my husbands custom truck that he has had since 79 and is a piece of art. Something that us vanners take pride in something that we work hard for. You guys are just jealous because you couldn’t possibly own anything of value and have to sit on your asses all day because you have no life and rag on anything that you can just to get your kicks and in the mean time you have no idea who this person is you are trashing!! You are trashing his reputation!! Do you know that is a crime to give out false information about people unless you have information to back up your comments that you are sending out to millions of people?? Its called defremation of charachter!! I’d watch your tongues if I were you? How would you feel if you were called a child molestor?? Unless you know the person you are talking about you shouldn’t talk about anyone!! You want to rag on me too? I have a custom truck with a mural of the wizard of oz on it!! These are award winning trucks and we are just 2 out of hundreds of other custom vans out there. And we are very much regular people with ordinary lives!! So you should not speak of what you do not know of!! So get a life douchbags!!!
Trisha, I think I speak for everyone when I say:
Tits or GTFO.
Its called defenestration of charter!! Or possibly fermentation of Chachi!!
Also, are you saying my ninja sword signed by Randy Jackson has no value?
Trish, I love your custom truck, but you’re not in Kansas anymore.
Wow, I just finished reading the rest of it (got stuck on “defremation”).
Vance, you are so getting the blow job of your life for this if I ever see you.
Judging by the spelling, lack of punctuation and run-on sentences, I would say this was written by a kid. Clearly, a victim of Stockholm Syndrome.
Quit defreming my caricature.
Chino – msn
I’d watch your tongues if I were you?
Ummm…yes?
Welcome to the internets, Vanners and Spelling Bee Champs.
“Listen you douchbags this is my husbands custom truck that he has had since 79 and is a piece of art.”
Yes, all great artists use vans as their medium. That’s why thy called him Van Gogh.
You want to rag on me too? I have a custom truck with a mural of the wizard of oz on it!!
Can I at least put the rag on a stick?
And all this time, I thought run-on sentences were reserved for kids who drove Civics with giant spoilers.
Vance, you are so getting the blow job of your life for this if I ever see you.
**Stone Soup scribbles ‘Vince’ on a self-adhesive name tag and books a flight to Canadia**
After a Canadian blouwjob (bleauxjob?) your dick smells like Labatts.
I bet this van has special sippy cupholders in the console.
They take very good care of it. It’s so shiny, you could use it as a vanity.
Excuse me for my sentence fragments and my punctuation errors, as I was trying to swiftly comment on some Jackass comments left by IMMATURE Children who sit and play all day on the computer!! And CLEARLY do NOT have a life!! In fact I am pretty impressed that you could actually pick out sentence fragments or Spelling errors!! And to set the record straight I DO NOT own a civic with a giant spoiler!!! Nor am I a CHILD, I am a 30 year old woman who happens to be very opinionated towards jackass’s like yourself!! And as for your ninja sword signed by Randy Jackson, whoo hoo good for you, what do you do dress like a ninja and play with your sword and dream of something that you will NEVER BE?? BIG DEAL!! What good is it if you keep it in a box on a shelf if you don’t get out and use it? At least we are out showcasing our dreams and some of our favorite things, sharing them with all!! So all of you can Kiss my ASS and you can GTFO!!!
I was trying to swiftly comment on some Jackass comments left by IMMATURE Children who sit and play all day on the computer!! And CLEARLY do NOT have a life!
Considering your problem is with people making comments about a subject of which they seem to know very little, it’s fucking hilarious that you seem to make the same mistakes in ignorantly categorizing.
The fact that you even managed to find and comment on this site is a statement to how far computer manufacturers and programmers have come to make their products idiot-proof.
“you should not speak of what you do not know of!!”
Since you clearly don’t know English, you shouldn’t be speaking it at all, you retard.
Trishaline is a beautiful name. Is that hillbilly for Patricia?
Wait a second, you’re 30? So you were born in the same year that your husband bought that van? Is that why you love that van so much?
Because of all the “free candy” you got in it growing up?
How would we like it if we were called child molesters? I’d be disappointed in the understatement.
Me thinks Trish’s husband needs to shave because he’s got himself a hell of a beard.
I think all of you are really too immauture for your ages!! And really you obviously have TOO much time on your hands! And no I did not research my husbands van, looking for comments like this, a fellow vanner told us about your dumbass waste of time website and therefore I decided to make my own remarks!! And as for my screenname, don’t even start with me on that, JACKASS’S! It just goes to show that you are all classified in that low life category,in life!! So sad and pathetic!!
Yes, you’ve shown me that this high school education of mine really was a waste of time. I can obviously live a better life marrying someone at least 17 years my senior and spending all of my money airbrushing crappy movies onto my van. I’m sure that would be much more fulfilling.
Y R U makking fun of her? I think she talks guud.
Trish, I’m 30 also. Would you and your fat husband like to double date?
Trish, can you recommend an airbrush artist should I choose to purchase a passenger van and completely destroy the resale value?
I think all of you are really too immauture for your ages!! And really you obviously have TOO much time on your hands!
If stupid grew on trees, you’d have an orchard. People like you are the reason R rated comedies are hard to get made. People like you are the reason Jerry Bruckheimer thinks it’s ok to make a movie about crime-fighting guinea pigs. You killed Jonathan Brandis. I hope you’re happy.
Mom?
Actually Donk, I think it proves evolution. She found this website without an opposable thumb.
Trish’s comment on “vanners” made me think of this exchange from Scrubs: Janitor: Do you like vanning?
Molly: I don’t know what that is.
Janitor: It’s kind of my thing. It’s like taking a long drive in a car, only
uh… it’s in a van.
Trish, when your husband dies from diabetes in the next 10 years, will you be depressed when you realize that all he left you was his worthless vans?
Ummm this just proves my point!! You have no clue who we are, and what type of people we are. If you did you would realize that my hubby is going no where for a loongg time. And will probable out live you all because you that call others fat are really hiding behind themselves for what they are, truley ugly people!! My husband is a very healthy happy person who cares for others and someone who takes care of family and is truley a loving man!! Who’s going to take care of you when you are all alone with your pathetic life?? You and you pathetic computer filled with meaningless comments? Obviously you were never loved as a child and is expressing your misery out on others cause your life sucks! And can’t stand to see happy people, be HAPPY! And johnathin brandis is dead because something did not make him happy! What a horrible thing to say to someone, again pathetic! And lack of maturity!! I really pity the people in your lives!
It’s amazing that I seem to know so little about you, but you claim to know so much about me.
Besides, my computer isn’t filled with meaningless comments, it’s mostly filled with deviant fetish porn. The meaningless comments make up less than 5% of my disk space.
The Mighty Feklahr wonders how trisha feels about Klingons?
*naked JP chases trisha down an alley with nothing but a knife and a hard-on* “I’m collecting for the Red Cross…MONEY!”
trish, now that you are here, can you clear a few things up? Like, do vanners normally put boomerangs on the roof of their van so that they can make sure it always comes back?
trisha – Tell your husband that I am proud that he was the one who took my virginity… and innocence.
That van will forever hold special memories/scars for me.
Love,
Little Humungus.
What would a man have to pay to have sex with that van?
Ahhh Again all to be proven now that you are REALLY the ones that our children should be afraid of!! The true MOLESTERS are all you Perverted PIGS!!! I Pity all of you!!
Your children should absolutely be afraid of us.
It’s natural to fear things you’re not smart enough to understand.
Trish, I’ll make a deal with you. You continue to sit in that trailer and eat twinkies, and I’ll continue to make fun of you.
LOL!!! Make Fun all you want!! You aren’t hurting me any, you are only projecting how pathetic your life is and how you WISH you had my life!!! You can only dream to have what I have!! Instead you gaze in the computer all day and dream, and thats all you will ever do, is dream!! I have all that you will ever want, and that eats at you everyday!! And it bothers me none!! ;-)
I have all that you will ever want, and that eats at you everyday!! And it bothers me none!! ;-)
You have a recliner with a built-in toilet?
trisha-When you move to a new neighbourhood, do you have to go door to door to tell everyone you are a “vanner”? Is there some sort of national vanner registry?
Or an even better question, did you ever get it on in the Neverending Story van? Well, with parental consent?
Trisha! Good news! The guy with the Mork and Mindy van is getting a new tape deck and said you can have his old one! QAPLAH!
I have all that you will ever want
you have self-loathing?
(think about it)
I have all that you will ever want
You have a movie-quality Chewbacca mask replica?
I have all that you will ever want
You have the world’s largest collection of movie stars’ pubic hairs?
Lol again pathetic! And this is why this will be my last post as I am done playing into your childish games!! I’ve said my piece!
Don’t go!!!
Don’t go now, trisha. You were so close to having more sentences than exclamation points in that last one!
I like to have more exclamation points than words!!!!!!!!!!
Please hang around, Trish – I was going to share photos of my van. It’s painted with scenes from Silence of the Lambs. Well, maybe not painted, but there is a fat girl pinned behind a couch in the back.
What? Trisha is leaving? *mopes a little while stopping to paint scenes from “Nightmare on Elm Street” upon His ice cream truck*
CrazyLady says:
I am done playing into your childish games!!
Isn’t that what you told your husband 20 years ago the fourth time he tricked you into the van? I think you’ll be hanging around here for a long time.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*gasp*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
This is exactly why custom van owners get a bad rep. This and the poor taste and tickle games.
“I’ve said my piece.”
Well, *my* piece is currently duct taped in the back of my Bad Lieutenant van. Call me ladies!
Trish, can we be friends on Facebook?
Hey everyone,
I too am a vanner and I think we should lay of Trish. That van is awesome. You are all being very immature
Just kidding…morons deserve what they get
and i meant off not of
Satire and similar forms of humor are protected by free speech and cannot legally be considered defaming if a rational person would conclude that it was satire (or similar humor)
Considering this website is self described as “Film Drunk is the movie blog that plays rough – just the way your mother likes it.”
we can conclude 2 things:
1) It’s okay to say Never-Ending-Story-Van-Guy is a serial rapist
2) Never-Ending-Story-Van-Guy’s Wife isn’t a rational person and is probably a serial rapee
[www.jobarules.com]