Malkovich ruins the shitter again
The Mutant Chronicles has a new trailer out and you can watch it after the jump. It stars John Malkovich, Ron Perlman, and Thomas Jane. Thomas Jane seems to have quite the fan club, though I’m not sure why. Has he ever been in a good movie? Anyway, this basically looks like Armageddon with mutants. And mutants are basically like zombies but more athletic. And Ron Perlman is basically John Malkovich crossed with a shar pei.
[via RopeofSilicon]
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I’m looking for a fat blunt filled with some Mutant Chronic.
That dog could melt a Nazi’s heart. Sweet merciful Jesus, look at his little tongue…
Yeah, except he’s standing in his water bowl like a fuckin idiot. THAT’S WHERE YOU DRINK FROM, DUMBSHIT!
I’m assuming they cast Perlman to save on mutant makeup
Zog like wrinkle coyote, but Zog always hungry half hour later.
Standing where his water comes from? Is he one of those slumdogs I’ve been reading so much about?
And Ron Perlman is basically John Malkovich crossed with a shar pei.
Zog call this combo platter 3.
I call my balls “chronicles” because I can’t stop masturbating.
Thomas Jane is the bottom shelf, bagged cereal of actors.
I’m just saying.
Man, shitty movie news today huh? Wiff the exception of Megan Fox being open for bidness today pretty much sucks.
So which one of those guys was El Chupa Nibre?
Italics: So easy a fucking Caveman just did it.
Everyone knows that if humanity really was being destroyed, John Malkovich would burrow back to his kind.
I would literally eat the asshole out of Megan Fox…no seriously, I’d be down there until all remnants of that 90210 dude were nonexistent.
But wait…if the mutants all leave, then who will mow the lawns?
I’m going to have a mental image of John Malkovich fucking a shar pei in my head for the rest of the day.
This “film” has already made the torrents rounds. It’s so bad Zach Braff should be in it.
new up
If all the mutants left, my Friday nights would be lonely again.
Jane was fucking great as Todd Parker in Boogie Nights. But he was on drugs… anyone can be a great actor when they play a druggie.
Brad Pitt – True Romance
Matthew Mcconaughey – Dazed and Confused
Sharon Stone – Casino
and while Tom Sizeless (I saw the sex tape) hasn’t played any notable addicts, he was high as shit every time he was good in something
I’ll give him Boogie Nights, but that was in 90 freakin 7.
So no one like The Mist?
Nah, me either…
[quickly creates Ebay listing for Mist Blu-Ray]
or “liked”, even.
Shut up. I just want my kids back.
Thomas Jane was in Arrested Development playing Thomas Jane playing a homeless guy in a movie called “Hobo Dad”. Ironically enough, Thomas Jane is now actually homeless.
Stander?
I live in Shanghai, and this gigantic turd of a movie came out on dvd here months ago. It’s like a really bad ’80s B movie. I want a refund of the 75 cents I spent on it.