MOVIE ABOUT A GUY WHO JIZZES FIRE
02.03.09
After the jump, watch the trailer for Burning Passions, a film by Brian Belefant (based on his 1999 short) about a guy who ejaculates fire (title’s like one a them double entenders, get it?). Anyway, it’s currently making the festival rounds, and bills itself as “a coming of age story”, sure to “warm your heart” and “spurt thick, gooey ropes of laughter all over your mom’s face while she gets buttf-cked by a syphilitic rhino……. of comedy.”
[via FilmSchoolRejects]
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spurt thick, gooey ropes of laughter all over your mom’s face while she gets buttf-cked by a syphilitc rhino… of comedy
You’re a fucking modern day Shakespeare, hommie. That gave me
a raging hard ongoosebumps, boss. Truly.Edit: Even if you do spell like Crappy sometimes.
I used to do this all the time until i ponied up the cash for penicillin.
This happened to me once. Then I found out I had a rare condition where my cock was actually a dragon.
Puts a new meaning to the saying, “I gotta go drain the dragon”.
You’ll find yourself pulling for the young man.
This movie is sure to cause controversy when teens start drinking lighter fluid in an attempt to shoot fire out of their dicks.
I say we ban it outright.
If I came fire, my internet handle would be “Mini Bic”.
Talk about needing to find a girlfriend into Golden Showers.
Hye! What the fuk dose thet meen J?
I bet the vagina dentata chick could extinguish the fire.
They should cast him in “Teeth 2: The Fire Eater”
Bic lighters Crapbasket.
He gives a whole new meaning to the post coital smoke.
Reign of Fire 2: Duel of the Dragons
So that’s where Lindsay Lohan got the “firecrotch” nickname.
If you can’t take the heat, then get of the britches.
I don’t understand why he’d become a priest if he was able to jizz fire. You’d think that would be highly marketable in the S&M porn arena.
He had better make sure to keep up on his manscaping lest he have a burning bush.
Just like a wop to bring a flamethrower to a sword fight.
I would run burn the toes off of all my socks with a quickness.
So is this what Johnny Cash was singing about?
The girls that have sex with this guy prefer their eggs to be fried over scrambled.
He doesn’t have a premature ejaculation problem, he has a fire-at-will problem.
After an unfortunate incident, the young man was charged with aggravated sexual assault, as well as three counts of arson.
When he has sex with men, it’s called Greek Fire.
This guy can cook a taco in a matter of minutes.
Good news: no wet spot. Bad news: you need a new bed.
He’s the only kid in class with burned palm hair.
Honey… rug burn should be the least of your worries.
When he blasted his incendiary splickity splack on a stranger’s face at the Gotham Turnpike Exit 23 rest stop, there was born, Two Face!
Burn, baby burn. Dick’s “Oh!” inferno!
I wish I could jizz fire.
Because stuffing marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers down my pee-hole just doesn’t make any sense.
We don’t need no water, let the motherfucker burn!
His nickname should be Roman Candle.
Good thing he’s not a pig farmer.
“What smells like bacon?”
Or, if he remembers to pull out
“What smells like canadian bacon?”
I wish I could jizz fire.
I’d get back at my whore-ex for making me piss fire.
Rage Against The Machine’s ‘Sleep Now in The Fire’ has a whole different meaning when he has wet dreams.
His nickname should be The Olympic Torch
We got one thing in common–he’s got the fire down below.
He only has to rub one stick to make a flame.
Girls definitely have to be more careful if they say “Fire at will” to this guy.
This is a sequel to Kirk Cameron’s last movie.
Burning Passions of the Christ was awesome. They nailed this dude’s hands so he couldn’t bate.
Flick my Dic!
They should have made him an Olympic runner and called the movie “Hairy Clits of Fire”
This explains the grill lines in my Whopper.
Goodness Gracious Greath Baaaalllls of… BLAM! {Gunshot from book depository}
Weenie Roast!
There’s no jizness like pyro jizness.
/They should just promote this as a movie about a guy who kills prostitutes. Sploodging flame is weird.
You realize that if he gets a blumpkin you can call it “Earth, Wind, and Fire?”
This guy could turn some serious coin down at the Santa Monica Pier.
I wish I could jizz fire.
I’d sing the chorus to “Firewoman” by The Cult everytime I came.
This guy buys condoms in bulk because he just burns right through them.
Sledgehammer symbolism meets fire-breathing, one-eyed purple headed dog wearing a turtle neck. brilliant.
That chick with vagina dentata Vs. This dude. Who ya got?
Wasn’t this the plot to Dance Floor Dale?
‘Lil Smokey
He always uses a cockring at the weekly swingers orgy. He calls it the… fire ring squad.
{throws up in lap in corner}
New up assbags.
I always thought “spit fire” was slang for rapping.
He doesn’t have a premature ejaculation problem, he has a fire-at-will problem.
RUN, WILL, RUUUUNNN!!!!
^Quoted from donkeyhodey
fucking computer is dumber than a ton of bricks, and not the real ones..more like those annoying little lego fuckers