AWESOMELY METAL STORY ALERT. Woman stabs rampaging chimp with butcher knife. I want that tattooed on my cock. (We may have to abbreviate).

A pet chimpanzee has been shot dead by a police officer after mauling a woman visiting its owner. The 200lb ape, who had appeared on TV commercials, attacked the woman as she got out of her car.
The woman suffered “serious blood loss” from facial injuries and was in a “very serious” condition in hospital.
The animal had been trained to ride in the family’s vehicles, had appeared on commercials for Coca-Cola and Old Navy and had also appeared in a television pilot.
“He’s been raised almost like a child by this family. He rides in a car every day, he opens doors… We have no indication of what provoked this behaviour at all,” Stamford Police captain Richard Conklin said.
Owner Sandra Herold had wrestled with Travis in an effort to stop the attack on her friend, then ran inside to make an emergency call.
“She retrieved a large butcher knife and stabbed her longtime pet numerous times in an effort to save her friend, who was really being brutally attacked,” Conklin said. [Editor’s note: HOLY SHIT!]
Paramedics then arrived to treat the woman, with police officers protecting them, but the chimp then started attacking them, AP reported. One officer was cornered in his vehicle and shot Travis in self-defence. [via BBC - thanks to Eric for the tip]

Jesus, that’s horrible. But look, people, you can’t raise a chimp like a child actor and then expect him not to act like a child actor.  I mean, look at Danny Masterson.