HACK 2 AFRICA: IS THIS EVEN REAL?
02.19.09
Yo, remember Coming to America? What if we did that, but in reverse. With Martin Lawrence instead of Eddie Murphy!
Alcon Entertainment has acquired “Back to Africa,” a pitch that will be drafted as a potential star vehicle for Martin Lawrence.
Lawrence hatched the pitch and will produce the film.
The comedy centers on a working-class man from Queens who discovers he is heir to the throne of an African country and travels there to claim his birthright. [Variety]
“Hatched the pitch” is just the kind of befuddled retard metaphor for which Variety is so famous. But in the writer’s defense, this idea does sound like something that came out of an asshole.
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With His luck He would be king of some child killing, AIDS infested, spear chucking, gang-raping raping, no running water, militant tribe of terrorists.
…
WHERE DOES HE SIGN UP???
They were going to offer the lead to Ice Cube, but he turned it down when he found out he couldn’t travel to Africa by car with two annoyingly precocious kids in the backseat.
Hopefully this turns out to be a documentary and he winds up staying there.
“Gang-raping raping” is when you gang rape while chewing doublemint gum.
Or gang-raping the doublemint twins.
This speaks to me. Just last week I found out I was the heir to an alcoholic bloodline from Ireland.
When Martin was asked whether or not he planned to do this, he replied simply “You damn Skippy”. He then died of salmonella.
How ironic, my grandad wishes all black people would go Back To Africa.
I only how Martin Lawrence plays multiple characters.
“Hatched the pitch” must be Hollywood speak for “watched King Ralph.”
For every new Lily Allen post Brend0n makes, a Martin Lawrence movie gets greenlit.
I am going to have to go stab that cunt to a wall and make this FUCKING PAIN STOP!
I’ll have a Coke, then.
*in an “Its a Wonderful Life” voice*
“Every time a Chris Brown post is made, a kitten dies of cancer”.
Martin hatches his pitch, “A polydactyl negro, in drag, wearing a fat suit, goes to Africa to reclaim a princedom in the only part of the continent not currently suffering a disaster.”
Fox exec, “There ain’t a fucking light green enough for that.right.there! Brilliant negro, genious!”"
Movies like this make black people want to give back their freedom.
I wonder if when Obama looks at Martin Lawrence he sees Flava Flav?
So, this is “Coming to America” … but backwards.
This is NOT beautiful, and this is NOT velvet.
Variety failed to report that Martin plans for this to be a dramatic role where he assumes the role of a vicious dictator and orders the slaying of thousands of innocent viewing hours that movie goers will never have back.
I wish the Amistad had reverse.
I had a star vehicle once. I took my protein pill and put my helmet on and off I went.
Coming to America in reverse = slavery
Ironically, many of the scenes from Black Knight will be re-used for this film such as “Martin reacts to no running water”, “Martin reacts to antiquated ideas about male-female relationships” as well as fan favorite “Martin finally feels at home knowing that everyone around him also has the clap”
I hope Martin brings back Bruhman from the Fif flo’.
Blue up!
In “Coming To America in Reverse”, when Martin’s family comes and tries to bring him back to Queens, they can’t get through the 10 year olds at border patrol and get shot execution style.
“When you think of trash, think of Martin Lawrence.”
It’s like King Ralph but with more Ray-Bans and AK-47s.
He’s going to be so disappointed when he finds out it is just a 419 scam.
John Goodman’s assistant: “John? There’s a ‘Mr. Kamoze’ on line one. Something about Martin Lawrence and a … dick?”
John Goodman, rubbing crotch: “That’s weird … put him through.”
why in god’s green fuck are there so many fingers on that hand?