02.23.09 THE OSCARS HAPPENED

So the Oscars, aka the Super Bowl for Gays happened last night.  I’ll try to combine all the thrilling action into one post:

- Mickey Rourke wore a necklace with a picture of his dear departed dog on it.  Aww, won’t someone adopt him?  He may not be housebroken, but he’s freakin’ adorable!

- Sean Penn beat Rourke for Best Actor in one the few awards I had any interest in.  I’d rather have seen shark tooth win (Sean Penn is a great actor, but everything about Milk was just so… expected), but at least it wasn’t like he got beat by someone totally undeserving, like Halle Berry, or that hack Meryl Streep.

- Kate Winslet won Best Actress for The Reader, making this the last time you’ll hear anything about The Reader.  Let’s see: main character who looks like he has Downs, protagonists who read poetry and take baths, ahck-tores viss fake jer-man ack saints… gosh, I haven’t been so excited to see something since The Hours!  Cross-eyed cats > Dyslexic Nazis.

- Slumdog Millionaire won everything ever. At this point I’m tired of pointing out that it wasn’t good.  If I wanted to watch people I don’t give a shit about fall in love I’d eat at the Olive Garden.  Or another sentence that would actually make sense. Tell ya one thing though, Danny Boyle’s daughter’s tits should’ve won something.

- Host Hugh Jackman danced and sang in that weird vibrato that only theater people have.  The opening number was okay, but his medley with Beyonce, Zac Efron, and the Mamma Mia people was so bad that when he gave Baz Luhrmann the credit for writing it, Baz practically hid underneath his seat.  But the important thing is that lots of people paid attention to Hugh Jackman.  “Hey, everyone, look what I can do!”

- Reese Witherspoon won the ugliest dress award. Hiiid-eeee-ouuuuuth…

- That list of “leaked winners” didn’t last one award.  Hope you didn’t bet the farm.  [FULL LIST OF WINNERS BELOW]

BEST PICTURE
“Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight) A Celador Films
Production, Christian Colson, producer

LEAD ACTOR
Sean Penn in “Milk” (Focus Features)

LEAD ACTRESS
Kate Winslet in “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company)

DIRECTOR
Danny Boyle for “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight)

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
“Departures” — Japan (Regent Releasing) A Departures Film
Partners production

SUPPORTING ACTOR
Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Penelope Cruz in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” (The Weinstein
Company) [didn't like the movie, but she did great job]

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Dustin Lance Black for “Milk” (Focus Features) [In Bruges was robbed]

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Simon Beaufoy for “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight) [of all the awards this movie won, this one was the one it least deserved.  Here, I'll give you a sample of the brilliant writing: "Latika!" In fact, that's two thirds of the movie.]

ANIMATED FEATURE
Andrew Stanton for “WALL-E” (Walt Disney) [Also had better writing than Milk]

ANIMATED SHORT FILM
Kunio Kato for “La Maison en Petits Cubes” (A Robot
Communications Production) [Never saw it, but his "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto" acceptance speech was the highlight of the night.]

ART DIRECTION
Donald Graham Burt for art direction and Victor J. Zolfo
for set decoration on “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
(Paramount and Warner Bros)

COSTUME DESIGN
Michael O’Connor for “The Duchess” (Paramount Vantage,
Pathe and BBC Films) [Come on, Academy, don't encourage them. Winning an award for costumes was the only reason they made this movie.]

MAKEUP
Greg Cannom for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
(Paramount and Warner Bros)

CINEMATOGRAPHY
Anthony Dod Mantle for “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox
Searchlight) [I'm torn on this one. The movie definitely looked pretty, but I'm also really sick of the "Oh my God, everything's tilted!" trend in cinematography.  Congratulations, you're arty, now can you hold the goddamned camera straight, please?]

LIVE ACTION SHORT FIRM
Jochen Alexander Freydank for “Spielzeugland (Toyland)”, a
Mephisto Film production

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
James Marsh and Simon Chinn for “Man on Wire” (Magnolia
Pictures) A Wall to Wall production [Gonzo not being nominated is a crime, but at least Encounters didn't win.]

DOCUMENTARY SHORT
Megan Mylan for “Smile Pinki”, a Principle production [weird, I thought Smile Pink was something way different…}

VISUAL EFFECTS
Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton and Craig Barron for
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner
Bros)

SOUND EDITING
Richard King for “The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros)

SOUND MIXING
Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke and Resul Pookutty for “Slumdog
Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight)

FILM EDITING
Chris Dickens for “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight)

ORIGINAL SCORE
A.R. Rahman for “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight)

ORIGINAL SONG
“Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight),
music by A.R. Rahman, lyrics by Gulzar