was as surprised as you are. This time he plays a cop, which is a real stretch from his last role as a marine in… uh, The Marine. In the last movie, terrorists kidnapped his wife and he had to get her back. This time around, he accidentally kills someone else‘s wife, and as payback, the guy then kidnaps his wife and uses her to forces him into some Saw-like predicaments. Oh, and did I mention the director is Renny F-ing Harlin (Die Hard 2, Deep Blue Sea, etc?
Jesus, can you imagine the pitch meeting? “…Okay, okay, so it’s like The Marine… meets wrestling… vs. Saw …multiplied by Deep Blue Sea!” Much cocaine was consumed, friends, I guarantee it. And then? Gun fingaz.
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Speaking of gay wrestling, and who isn’t these days…
*waves hand in front of face*
Who farted?
In real life, your wife puts you through Saw-like predicaments and no terrorist kidnapper in shining armour ever comes to your rescue.
Awww Duke, you missed the match last night!
T-Bagz and Russ T. Bone AKA “The Ball Bangaz” were pit against the “Scissor Sisters”, Lenny & Svenny. And just when you thought the Sisters were out for the count, Lenny comes off the top rope with a Cock-Drop for ages.
I thought T-Bagz would never recover, but he was able to cross streams with Russ T. Bone to tag him in for the fight and a fresh daisy’d Russ T. Bone did his signature “Poop Dick” maneuver to daze Lenny. Then he tried to pin him but Lenny was able to pull out.
In the end, The Ball Bangaz were able to pull out a victory by default cause Svenny of the Sisters cheated and through spooge in the eyes of T-Bagz.
Rules of etiquette dictate that if you accidentally kill a guy’s wife, he gets to bang yours. Cena was just being selfish.
Saw-Like Predicament = going to one of those movies or going to your in-laws?
Sponsored by Cunt Punch! The energy drink that also freshens yo breff and contains eXtenze.
All I know is that the Director of Photography had BETTER FUCKING NOT DISTRACT JOHN CENA!
If a cop that looked like John Cena ever pulled me over, I’d think that I was going to get a roadside strip show as a prank from my friends.
Then I’d whip my dick out.
I sent John Cena a ransom note telling him to come to the St. Louis Arch if he ever wanted to see her again. He went to every McDonald’s in town looking for her.
Why’d you kill my wife, Cena?
Sorry bro, she looked like a minority
Donk, if I get pulled over, my dick is usually already out.
HEY YOU! FREEZE! DROP THE GUN! NOW LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!
What?
Sorry, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!
If you do gun fingaz at John Cena, he’ll write you a ticket for not having a concealed-carry permit.
True Story:
I got pulled over yesterday by a University bike cop. He told me “If I wasn’t on my way to work now, I’d take you to jail and impound this vehicle.” So I said (in my head) “Well you better get a move on, rush hour is about to start and these windshields aren’t going to wash themselves.”
But had that motherfucker been John Cena, I would have hit him with a folded chair I keep under my driver seat.
John Cena Groin and Felta Scrutum on His Chin
A saw like predicament = a chick telling you that the only way you can prevent her from sucking your dick with a breath-savers in would be to cut your dick off. I went out of county for that one.
It’s The Wrestler meets Speed. Not the movies–I think this screenplay was written by a wrestler on speed.
Just like in real life, the criminals in New Orleans are all white…
Since all the black ones are now in Houston.
It’s still being produced by WWE films, even if it’s being released by Fox.
This contrived situation could have been avoided if Cena just faked the man’s suicide after killing his wife… like in real life.
/Chris Benoit was innocent!
This movie is the XFL, and John Cena is “He Hate Me”.
“From the director of Die Hard 2 comes a complete rip-off of Die Hard 3 but without the wise cracking black sidekick used to comment on race relations in America”.
Damn, Pauly?! So you’re the other guy who watched the XFL.
John Cena plays a cop. Is the name of the movie Cop?
Wigga please.
John Cena couldn’t act warm even if he jizzed fire.
I imagined much worse from the description. Granted blood did seep from my ears when Cena was “acting”.
I liked the part where I didn’t watch it.
This movie would be better if Big Boss Man was the lead.
this is actually an ironic turn of events: john cena accidentally killed chris benoit’s wife and child and now benoit (who has moonlighted as a fox studio exec for years (obviously a fox studio exec has to be a complete moron)) and is greenlit this movie specifically with cena in mind.
could i have worded that poorlier?
John Cena’s finishing move is called “You can’t see me!”
I FUCKING WISH!
It’s a possibilification.
I had a busy day – where the f did “tankdoll” come from?
O hai there madman.
good god