As EW reports, Jonah Hill and friends presented a script to the major studios yesterday.
Hill and writing partners Max Winkler [The Fonz's kid] and Matthew Spicer turned over a super-secret script that only Hollywood’s top studio heads were allowed to read. The high-profile spec is called The Adventurer’s Handbook and centers on four 20-something guys who, inspired by a book of the same name, set out overseas in search of a mysterious location described in the book. The script was sent over on red, watermarked paper so it couldn’t be photocopied. Multiple studios were interested in the project described as an edgy, broad comedy. [E.W.]
Today, Variety reports that Universal bought the script for seven figures, with Lonely Islander Akiva Schaffer in negotiations to direct and Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman (Rushmore) on to star. Look, I have a ton of respect for anyone who sells a spec script, but let me explain how this worked: NO ONE READ IT. Two days? Not a f-cking chance. At best, someone’s assistant skimmed it and then explained it to the people with the cash. I’m not saying it’s going to be shitty, but I have a term I’d like to introduce for a movie that ends up sucking because people bought the pitch without reading the script: “Turd of Mouth”.
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I once sold a script I wrote to Hallmark. I was compensated with Seven Figurines.
I was told there would be no math.
My screenplay The Advent Handbook will be coming out in December. Put it on your calendar.
I hate reading. If I was a studio exec, I’d be like “Woah, I ain’t readin’ all that – I’ll wait for the movie.”
I thought “turd of mouth” was the dialogue in a McG movie.
On the bright side, Kevin James just signed to star in The Zookeeper for the guys who produced Paul Blart. It’s a great day to be fat in Hollywood!
@Mankini–unless it’s a Will Smith pitch, which leads to Turd of Mouf.
Wait Jared from Subway is getting his own movie?!
Or a SamuelL Jackson pitch, which leads to Turd of Bad Moutherfucker.
well, since jonah is about ready to undergo mitosis that’s another spot in the cast they don’t have to worry about casting!
If my dad was Henry Winkler, and my buddy was Johan Hill, I could hand a studio exec a day after Taco Bell shit ticket, call it a spec script, and get it picked up.
I thought Jonah Hill’s spec script was called “Not Slim : The Chronicles of Capt. Never Worksout”
Pictured, Harry Knowles’ last deuce.
I thought Thelma and Louise was an edgy, broad comedy.
@Maxwell
Don’t pre-empt my posts, goddamnit. You wait 30 minutes like everyone else.
“You’re telling me, all I have to do is; get fat, grow a jewfro, and go to Temple, and I can break into Hollywood with any piece of shit I can come up with? Noway!?”
“Yahweh!”
I submitted a script tenatively titled “The Adventurer’s Handbook to the Galaxy.” I got a letter back saying I had just crossed out words on some nonsense called “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” or some gay shit like that. Next thing I know, they fucking cast Mos Def in my movie. Assholes.
But now we have some more time to come up with witty fat jokes…
BEGIN SCENE
INTERIOR: apartment of MARTY KRUDNIK (JONAH HILL). Seated around him are LESLIE SCHNIEZLMAN (MICHAEL CERA), MURRAY LOWITSKI (JASON SCHWARTZMAN) and a visibly drunk TONY ‘THE RAZOR’ MARTINI (JAMES FRANCO).
MARTY: JONAH will AD LIB for approximately TEN MINUTES. Eight minutes to appear as a DVD EXTRA, 80 seconds to be edited into SARDONIC yet CONVINCING SPEECH.
All four STAND and exit apartment. Tony VOMITS on Murray’s back.
END SCENE
BRILLIANT!
Where did the casting photo for It’s Pat come from?
^ That was at Stinky, btw
If this is anything like Strange Wilderness I’ll see it five fucking times.
Entertainment Weekly wrote as much about how protected they made the script as they did about the story. This is bound to be good.
/rant time
Jonah’s a pretty funny guy. But he needs to pick a stable to run with. Seth Rogen already gave him the best advice in the world by telling him not to be in Tranny Robots 2. So it seems like he wants to do the smart thing and stay close to Seth. Now I’m not saying he should always stay in his shadow. Even Jeremy Piven had to jump out from behind John Cusack. But Jonah’s been eating from the Apatow buffet and the Happy Madison poo-poo platter. If he keeps going down the Accepted and Strange Wilderness roads, he might as well just team with Rob Schneider and David Spade from here on out. Or just go the Wayne Knight and get gastric bypass and realize the hard way that people only laugh because he’s a fat Jew. I guess the moral of the story is fuck Adam Sandler. Do the right thing, fat boy.
/end rant
@Lance–re: pre-empting–in my defense, I suck. But goddammit I’m not fat. Pudgy, maybe, but not fat!
@Burnsy–”fat Jew”
Gesundheit.
“Let’s Do the Math”
You calling me Asian?
I agree with Burnsy’s rant, and I guess the only positive thing is Jonah’s not making Wayans movies.
New up, just in time for lunch.
“NO ONE READ IT”
Silly VaLince, that’s why they printed in on read paper, so nobody would have to. Dur.
Do the right thing, fat boy.
Ah yes, I remember that. The sequel to Spike Lee’s movie done by Heavy D and crew. It did not do well in theaters.
Two days is enough time to sell a script. I worked as a literary manager for years in Hollywood and the turn-around time on these things is often no more than a week and can be as little as four days for a script that first had to go through a production company before reaching the studios. This script went straight to the studios, so that cuts at least 2 days off the decision time right there. If a script is very hot, if the buzz is really strong on the D-girl/D-boy forums and the studio execs all start talking about it, you can easily get a very fast bid on something. Sometimes those quick bids are also very big to show how much they want the property.
We once had a script written by an unknown screenwriter that sold in 3 days for $175,000 against $350,000.