I CAN’T HARDLY WAIT FOR THIS TURD
02.16.09In I Love You Beth Cooper, the high school valedictorian (played by Paul Rust – who’s 27, by the way) uses his graduation speech to declare his love for the “popular girl”, played by Hayden Panettiere. A movie ensues. Now, I don’t always like to weigh in on who is or isn’t hot, but why does Hollywood insist on shoving this Hayden-Panettiere-is-hot thing down our throats? She’s not bad, but she also looks like a younger, blonder Rachel Ray, or a skinnier Nikki Blonsky. Bottom line, she’s more cute than hot, and maintaining cuteness requires not going around acting like you’re Marilyn f-cking Monroe* all the time. Besides, having too much self-esteem really sends the wrong message to young girls**.
*Or Jennifer Love Hewitt circa Can’t Hardly Wait
**”Don’t f-ck me”
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Why doesn’t this nancy-boy just stalk her and rape her murdered corpse like a REAL MAN? FAG!!!!
Hayden looks like she farts a lot.
Paul Rust: “I love you, Beth Cooper!”
Chris Hansen: “Have a seat over here, Paul.”
I’d fuck Hayden Panettiere.
Of course, I haven’t gotten any in so long, I’d consider fucking Bea Arthur if offered the chance
True story-when He was in Jr High, the “popular girl” was in His homeroom. There was also a “special education” (functioning retard) student in homeroom, too.
One day during homeroom, the teacher had to leave suddenly and we were left alone for like 20 minutes. The popular girl started talking with El Retardo, and ultimately flashed him her snatch (right there in front of all of us) and that made him start masturbating in class.
In short, The Mighty Feklahr still gets a good laugh out of that when He re-enacts it with their preserved bodies.
That last thumbnail looks like Jughead on a coke bender.
She’s got a hot name, which apparently accounts for 3/4 of all hotness perception. If her name was Bertha Ann Maggotbreath, she’d have trouble getting into a movie THEATER.
I used my Valedictorian speech to claim the Holocaust never happened.
She has a bird face, and she looks like she would never do anal.
THUMBS DOWN!
Paul Rust used to be Paul Steel. The Oxy Pads cleared up his acne, but left him a host of other problems.
One time, I sniffed the popular girl’s hair in the pizza pocket line at lunch.
Hayden Panterarulesy looks like she would be good at playing “Sleeping Beauty”*!
*no, not the popular fairy tale! the game where I give the girl a ruphy and try to “fuck her” awake!
I’m just kidding, I wasn’t Valedictorian. I used my Salutatorian speech to denounce Jews.
I once proclaimed my love for the popular girl in the Janitorial Closet. With the lights off, the mop looked just like her.
I was smooth in high school. All the hot girls loved me.*
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*like a brother
I found it was much easier to offer the goth girls cigarettes for handjobs.
The Mighty Feklahr knew this guy that banged the ugly chicks in high school. Not only did he get teh syph, but he was allergic to penicillin, too! ROFLKOTAL! Fact: the same guy is manager at Arby’s now.
Juan: “I love you beth, cooper”
Cooper: “Thanks, Juan, your the beth.”
I hope they include the part where they stay together all throughout college despite going to different states and she never cheats on him once while they’re separated.
I was smooth in high school too. Damn late-onset puberty.
If that kid’s so smart, why doesn’t he invent a girlfriend?
That’s what I did. Take one large grapefruit, cut a hole in it, paint lipstick around the hole…you get my drift.
New, boring up.
Nikki Blonsky reminds me of the chick who worked at Taco Bell and used to give me free empanadas, so i threw her a free fuck.
If only more high school girls would return the affections of the 27 year old guys that love them the world would be a better place.