FRI FREE FOR ALL: BILLY MAYS REDUB
02.06.09Friday Free for All is that time of the week when hard-hitting exposés go out the window and funny videos grease themselves up and crawl through the pet door. Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com.
This week’s FF4A comes from Jabo0odyDubs, the YouTube user who overdubs Billy Mays videos and proves that I’m 10 years old. That’s right, just replace the real audio with a guy who says “shit” a few times, and pretty soon tears of laughter will be rolling down my cheeks, apparently. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go eat paste and see if I can get Suzie Reynolds to flash me her panties for a couple fruit roll-ups. She’s a slut, she’ll probably do it.
[Thanks to YouTubeReviewed, Videogum]
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Man, I thought I wanted one of these before. Now, I gotsta have one!
Billy Mays’ beard is made from velcro.
The same stuff I tie my shoes with.
His beard irritates my inner thighs
Isn’t shitty sliders kinda redundant?
“I got the meat, you got the taste” was, coincidentally, the slogan for Sarah Palin’s gubernatorial campaign.
All praise due to Allah for Mighty Mendit.
Or else all the king’s horses and all the king’s men and I would have never put Chodin’s asshole back together again.
Jessica Simpson can smell the celebrity endorsement dollars. Nope, sorry, that’s bacon grease and self-loathing.
I bet Billy Mays’ breath smells like milk and he waxes his chest.
Pauly, your seductive gaze is distracting me. I’m trying to think of something funny to say. Stop it.
Fuck you if you don’t like Billy Mays. NOTHING cleans skid marks out of white boxers like Oxy Clean.
NOTHING!!!ONE!
I think Dubs is behind this.
Incidentally, my apartment being “oxi-clean” doesn’t compare to when it’s “meth-clean.” Usually, this is necessary after a couple weeks of it being “weed-clean.”
There, Pauly scrolled away. Um …
“I always follow up Oxi-Clean with Donky-Dryer Sheets.”
Billy Mays’ next piece of shit will enable his products to show up in your house without you ever even calling in or seeing the fucking commercial.
Dammit, I didn’t know the domain “boxspots.com” was taken as that was the cornerstone of my plan to start a site catering to people with fetishes for pimply vaginas.
Billy Mays is the Narrator of my nightmares.
Anyone else see those greasy burgers and think “mutated womb”? No? Well, I’m off to White Castle cuz I want some fucking food.
best part: “What the fuck is that? Cat food?”
By the way, We Mayeses think the Mayses are a bunch of uncultured, inbred hicks that dilute a good name. Although I must admit I am thinking of Stickum-like applications of that Mighty Putty for my big comeback to the NFL.
QAPLAH! The Mighty Feklahr just got back from His favourite BBQ joint in the galaxy! Not only do they give you a spork for your baked beans, but they serve The Portoburger!
What’s so great about the Portoburger?
A. It’s a fat-ass burger with a BBQ grilled Portobella Mushroom cap on it!
B. It turns Mormons into MUTANTS!
“BILLY GODDAMN MAYES HERE!!!! TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL THE VOLUME OF YOUR FUCKING VOICE??? CHECK IT OUT, ALL YOU STONED TEENAGERS!!!!!”
*pulls out sub sandwich*
“WITH MY NEW ‘VOICE CONTROLLING RECTANGLE’ YOU CAN SHOVE IT IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!”
He’s selling his blue balls, I can’t even give mine away
Rotty-WTF?
Billy Mays’ Blue Balls, ass seen on TV.
“BILLY FUCKING MAYES HERE!!!! TIRED OF ALWAYS STEPPING IN YOUR DOG’S SHIT??? PEEP THIS, ALL YOU NATIVE AMERICANS!!!”
*pulls out a miniature model bridge*
“IT’S A DOG SHIT BRIDGE!!!! LAY IT OVER DOG SHIT AND THEN WALK ACROSS IT!!! PROBLEM SOLVED!!! FUCK ME!? FUCK YOU!!!!”
Rotty, order the Twilight sliders.
This is why Mays Day was celebrated so lavishly in the USSR.
Oh man, that fucking Portoburger kicks ass.
@LHM–The Twilight sliders go well with the Stephanie Meyer wieners. Or at least they would, if the latter weren’t rejected for being too darn suggestive.
Kaboom will take care of the Virgin Mary stains that may appear in your sheets. Or whatever virgin’s stains you may have.
One time, I accidentally swept up some dynamite, and it went “Ka-Broom!”
If my balls held 25 loads I’d need a second job to afford my hand lotion consumption and constant re-tattooing of M&M’s onto the palm of my hand.
FINE, THE NEXT TIME ONE OR ALL OF YOU FUCKS ARE IN IOWA CITY, WE ARE ALL GOING TO GET FUCKING PORTOBURGERS, AND YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR SUPERIORITY, AND THEN WE WILL GO ACROSS THE STREET TO THE EJACULATE AND EVACUATE TO ABDUCT SORORITY GIRLS BUYING CIGARETTES!!!
DON’T JUDGE ME
If my balls held 25 loads, I would no longer consult my doctor when my erection lasts more than four hours.
If all your collective balls held 25 loads, you would really need to Kaboom! the fuck outta your showers. Literally.
Rotty, my dick’s jury is still out on you, so no judgment from this direction. Yet.
BTW, my dick’s jury is composed of 12 Angry Men. 12 Bales.
If my balls held 25 loads, my hands wouldn’t be able to hold much of anything.
My question is: Will it clean out the semen stains in my digestive track?
I think my balls might hold 25 loads, because once I ejaculated for a whole minute.
And that is why the rest of my life doesn’t matter anymore.
@LHM–my dick’s jury is hung.
/boosh
I once poured some Oxi-Clean into a bottle of KaBoom. There were no survivors.
If my balls held 25 loads, I could finally have that orgy with the ENTIRE New York Mets roster.
If my balls held 25 loads, I’d have one hell of a right hook.
If my balls held twenty five loads my wife would be the one all over the TV news instead of that spic mama out in Cali.
Will it clean out the Obama-stains in my skid marks, or is it just time for me to Change.
If my balls held 25 loads, I’d have an extra pair of shoes
HI! I’M BILLY MAYES AND I WANT TO SHOW YOU THE ALL.NEW.BTK BROILER! ARE YOU TIRED OF USING REGULAR OVENS THAT DRY OUT THE MEAT OF YOUR VICTIMS? FUCK THEM, BUY THIS MUTHAFUCKER RIGHT HERE AND NEVER RUIN A BACON WRAPPED ASSHOLE AGAIN!!!
If my balls held 25 loads, then I got testicular cancer. My balls would hold 12.5 loads.
If my balls held 25 loads, I wouldn’t need any Mighty Putty to glue shit together around the house.
If my balls held 25 loads, I’d shoot them all in Billy Mays’ beard.
If my balls held 25 loads I’d be able to make one less extended trip to the bathroom each day.
If my balls held 25 loads, my girl would be pretty salty.
If my balls held 25 loads, I’d need to order some extra Sham-Wow’s.
My balls have been held by chod 25 times.
If my balls held 25 loads I could Mighty Mend the Twin Towers back together with my jisms.
If my balls held 25 loads, I’d dress them up like Mickey Rourke and Gary Busey and take them out clubbing.
HEY! BILLY MAYES HERE! I WANT TO SHOW YOU THE INCREDIBLE FRUITY FARTS! CRAM THIS TUBE UP YOUR ASS AND NEVER BE EMBARRASSED BY ASS EMISSIONS AGAIN. THEY COME IN THREE GREAT SMELLS, RAINY DAY, PUMPKIN SPICE, AND DIRTY CUNT!! ORDER NOW AND GET.FREE! THE PARTY WHISTLE AND SAD TROMBONE INSERTS! GREAT FOR PARTIES!
If my balls held 25 loads, I’d Paul Reuben at every movie. They’d call me Pee-Wee Splurgin.
By balls only come with 20 loads but if you act now I’ll throw in an extra five loads for free!
Balls, why so blue? Oh, you’re holding 25 loads? Nuff said.
If my balls held 25 loads, I’d sperm donor for free. Just to see there faces.
IF my balls held 25 loads, my high school janitor would have never been laid off.
My balls only hold one load. Sadly, it’s the Load of the Dance.
If my balls held 25 loads, I’d sperm donor for free. Just to see there faces.
If that would have said “feces”, it would have been best post evar.
If my balls held 25 loads, I could FINALLY make it all the way through the Sex and the City movie.
My balls dispense soap as well. And Ima gon wash out yur mouff lil boy!
@S.S.–that still wouldn’t get me through Shoah.
Suzie Reynolds gave everybody hand jobs in high school.
We called it the Reynold’s Wrap.
If my balls held 25 loads before everybody else in my office left for the day they’d now hold 24 loads. Fact.
Suzie Reynolds didn’t start sleeping around until college.
Then she gave everyone the Reynold’s Clap.
It turns out Suzie Reynolds became a dude.
She left the Reynold’s Map (of Hawaii) on my back.
I went to Billy Mays and Vince’s cocaine party, and somehow ended up in a Snuggie with Mighty Putty stuck in my pooper.
That stuff really does form a everlasting bond. :(