STILL PRAYING GOD MURDERS HASBRO
02.25.09
Hasbro has already announced production on movies based on The Ouija Board, Candyland, Stretch Armstrong, and Monopoly. Now they’re threatening to make the Pirates of the Carribean of Clue remakes.
Universal has attached Gore Verbinski to develop “Clue,” a live-action murder mystery based on the Hasbro board game that he would direct.
Despite a totally metal first name, Verbinski is the director responsible for Pirates of the Caribbean 3 and there’s no excuse for that.
A previous film version was released in 1985. “Clue” will be turned into a mystery that Blind Wink senior veep Jonathan Krauss called “A global thriller and transmedia event that uses deductive reasoning as its storytelling engine.” [Variety]
Well that sounds great, Jonathan, but on the other hand I hope you die. In the shed by Admiral Pink with the rape stick.
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This remake is just a red herring!
Now I’m gonna go home and sleep with my wife.
In this version of Clue, they’ll be trying to find out who killed Cinema.
Spoiler: It was Verbinski, with the Pirates, in the Butt
Someone alert Tim Curry! There’s acting work afoot!
Instead of watching this in theaters brain cells will be murdered, by Pauly, in my living room, with a bong.
If he was my blind twink he’d know better.
“A global thriller and transmedia event that uses deductive reasoning as its storytelling engine”
Uh, what?
That comment makes about as much sense as the plot for POTC3… oooooohhhhh…
Still praying God murders Hasbro
Me too. In the board room with seven plagues.
Officially, I’m happy about stuff like this, or at least happy that the people making it are doing well in life. Good for them. Unofficially, I hope Gore Verbinski falls on his face with his hands in his pockets.
To attract the same kind of box-office opening that Tyler Perry’s recent movie enjoyed, they plan to leak to the mediaa spoiler that Ms. White is the killer.
Fuck Clue jokes; I’ll be in the study with a pipe if anybody needs me.
Ah, the French maid from Clue. She is a trip down mammary lane.
The big three auto makers can’t sell cars, Home Depot can’t sell construction supplies, and realtors can’t sell homes – but these fuck faces can sell schlocky movies like they were the cure for syphilis.
Ah, the French maid from Clue. She is a trip down mammary lane.
Yep. I hear she was always quick to surrender the back door.
What were our clues again? We had a candlestick *sketches out dildo*, a book *draws rectangle*, and a lighter *scribbles FIREFIREFIRE!!*. Well gang, I guess it’s time for our Thinking Chai…..goddamnit you fucking kids, I can finish my own fucking sentences.
*chodin crawls up ladder into FilmDrunk tree fort, empties backpack full of gay porn*
Look what I found under my own bed!!!!
Clue just never seemed to be all that interesting in my household, growing up. I mean, why would I give a fuck about Mrs. Peacock in the Observatory, when my brother and I were so close to closing the case on our mother’s black eye?
I know, let’s all play the quiet game.
Ready? 1….2….3!
**grethor decloaks**
**incoming transmission**
Fekalhr: Hide Me!
Me: Uh Oh. Fek, you’re out.
Fekalhr: Dor Sho Gha!
**Grethor Disappears**
Yeah, um, how the FUCK do you kill someone with a rope?
I’ll save my $9.50 for the release of BigBro’s “Lick the kitchen floor or I punch you in the head again.”
This was my favorite game growing up. I’m sure my little brother would agree.
I got a better idea. Make the movie, but just quit beating around the bush and call it KerPlunk!
I hope that Verbinski is prepared to dig up the entire fan base for this Clue movie.
I mean, if you guys want to make shitty movies, I’ve got a whole book of story ideas. 2 books actually, Where the Sidewalk Ends and A Light in the Attic.
w00t! A new member for Al’s armada (SFW);
http://failblog.org/2009/02/24/merchandising-fail/#comments
As a young boy I can distinctly remember sitting down to play Clue, taking a hard, confident pull from my juice box and then telling Teddy Ruxpin, “Fuck Ruxpin! This would make an amazing movie, AGAIN!!!!”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Clue, it’s that Crime Scene Investigators will always first search for six particular weapons before exploring alternate possibilities.
I just gave myself a total frontal lobotomy with a monopoly piece. Can I be a film executive now?
If I worked in gay porn, my name would be Sergeant Mayonnaise and Pauly would be my colonel.
“A global thriller and transmedia event that uses deductive reasoning as its storytelling engine.”
aka The DaVinci Clue.
More like Sergeant MANaise
More like Sergeant ManAIDS.
The last time I used deductive reasoning, I got audited.
“…a live-action murder mystery…”
Thank Allah, because I just couldn’t handle one more fucking animated murder mystery.
In this updated version, a goddamned bong replaces the lead pipe.
Zac Effron is looking to be cast as Mr. Body. Just don’t sniff the candlestick and you should be fine.
Quicg get your ä Stamp out
Banner pic: “This cold corpse sure has a hot ass!”
it.. it.. the… ffff.. it! flam – flames! Flames! On the side of my face, breathing-breath.. heaving breaths! Heaving breath…