In this new poster for Push, Chris Evans tilts the camera… WITH HIS MIND! Man, no one in Hollywood can make a face that says “telekinesis!” like he can. What an actor. What a talent.
Sidenote: What the f-ck is the guy in the background supposed to be shooting at? Hopefully the guy who greenlit this.
[via IMPA]
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He is aiming at the pedophile tailing Fanning.
Is this really based on the novel by Sapphire? She must suck.
No, silly, its the other Push, with Monique.
wait,I didnt use appropriate ethnic punctuation.
Sorry
Man, no one in Hollywood can make a face that says “telekinesis!” like he can. What an actor. What a talent.
Meanwhile, nobody can make a face that says “I can fit two more inches up there, keep pushing!” like Shia LeBeouf.
Push is what toddler Dakota Fanning called her girl parts.
Racial Diversity Dolphin sees that you left the Asian woman out of your poster and is very disappointed.
I can mime Tune In Tokyo, too. Where’s my million dollars and late-night script sessions with Dakota Fanning?
It always get’s awkward when Chris Evan tells the story about the time he held some dragonballs.
Banner Pic:
Tune in Tokyo
The females in this poster are going to kill you with their apathy! WITH BLOOD!!!
Hes concentrating too hard. The only thing he’s going to move is his bowels
Pictured: Chris Evans shows off that he has Rave Hands.
aaaaaaand Lester’s dick has my Chuck T footprints on it.
Seriously.
I liked this movie better when it was Heroes.
Wait, I take that back, I never liked that piece of shit either.
Hey dipshit – how about you and your skanky teenage girlfriends get out of the fucking road – you’re holding up traffic, fuck face.
Ini was just puffin’ on a blunt, mon. Leave tha dick-steppin’ outta he’a.
Word ‘em up.
That reminds me of the time that CCR totally dick-stepped the California Raisins with “Heard It Through The Grapevine”.
Bout time they made a movie out of the TV show FAME.
Chris Evans’ jazz hands could melt your fucking face.
If I had telekinetic powers, I’d fish-hook your asshole.
X-Men Ratner-ed or this P.O.S.; Which will be better?
When did Chris Evans stop playing tennis?
And become a dude?
LiVance, I think I speak on behalf of all Drunkards when I say we would rather see pictures of monkeys pooping.
If only this didn’t suck, I could publish my four-word review:
Push–It Real Good
Dakota Fanning’s shirt looks like an invitation to me. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.
So, this is like ’21′, just they try to tie the dealer and not beat him.
How fucking retarded is that bullshit?!
Telekinesis in movies: I will use my power to bring this kitty down from this big tree.
Telekinesis in real life: I will use my power to bring this kitty down from this big tree.
At least that’s what I would do. That and make things fly into vaginas.
Fist bumps everyone.
If I had telekinesis, I would sexually stimulate public speakers giving lectures and motorcycle cops with radar guns.
Perhaps you’ve read some of my other film reviews, such as:
Milk–It Real Good
Doubt–It Real Good
Schindler’s List–It Real Good
/I, incidentally, suck
If I had telesavalas, I’d insert the question “who loves ya, baby?” INTO YOUR MIND.
I think Camilla Bell’s eyebrows are the real source of this energy.
It’s a pretty effective poster, I think:
“You will STAY AWAY from the cinema!”
Whatever you say, Chris Evans!
@ibmo–those ain’t eyebrows, those are iron filings held in place by magnets.
Are you telling me she is a Woolly Willy?
I think his powers come from his deep seated hatred for guys who wear pink shirts.
@ib–if you have to ask, you can’t afford a Woolly Willy. I mean, yes.
{mind suffers lock up from total overload of “Woolly Willy” jokes}
I’m still waiting for the guy who’s looking for Forest Whitaker, Miley Cyrus, Jason Statham, and Penelope Cruz to turn and yell “YOU IDIOTS! YOU’VE CAPTURED THEIR STUNT DOUBLES!”
A “stunt double” is a 16×5″ double ended dildo with a ram’s head on both ends right? Cuz when I look at that poster that’s all I see.
This movie looks like such a piece of shit, like an even worse version of jumper (which, surprise surprise, was also a piece of shit). Why can’t they make good movies about cool abilities?
Oh yeah, and unless Fanning is getting raped, I don’t really wanna see her in movies anymore. What would be great is if she could get raped by flicka.