CHILD ABUSERS ARE THE NEW SPACE BUGS
02.12.09Casper Van Dien is doing just fine. He just cares about the kids is all. He cares about them so much, in fact, that he was willing to put on his old Johnny Rico outfit from Starship Troopers and make this PSA about child abuse (and yes, this is an actual, recent PSA). Because though he may play have played a guy who kills outer space bugs on the big screen 12 years ago, it’s the men and women who fight child abuse every day who are the real heroes.
You know, I think Casper might actually be using this as his audition for that movie Van Damme wants to do where he beats his kid. Van Damme vs. Van Dien. With the timeless themes of karate and child abuse. Someone get on that.
[via /Film]
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Vagina Beetles are evil…so says Psychic Doogie.
Banner Pic: “Remember kids, only you can protect your Starship Pooper.”
When does the new “Don’t trust strange men in costumes” PSA air?
Casper doing a PSA? Smells more like “STDCS” (Sentenced To Do Community Service) to me.
“Hi kids! You might remember me from that video your Dad used to rent when he was in high school!”
Little boy: “What? Who’s there?”
Van Dien: “Shhhh, it’s just me, Casper.”
“Because though he may play have played a guy who kills outer space bugs on the big screen 12 years ago, it’s the men and women who fight child abuse every day who are the real heroes.”
12 Years ago? One year ago bitches!
Small Child: “AAAHHHH!! There’s a bogey trying to get in my six!”
CVD: “Quit Bugging me, kid.”
Small Child: “But he, wait, wha- That’s not even that funny. This guy’s touching me.”
CVD: “Don’t Bug out about it.”
Small Child: “…I, huh? Fuck it, alright Uncle Carl, let’s get this over with.”
CVD: “VICTORY!”
I made up my mind a long time ago that any time someone named “Casper” tells you to do something, you do the opposite which is why I’m going to go beat the shit out of a kid later.
Johnny Rico is also available for personal appearances at your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Due to copyright restrictions, he will be refer to his character as a “Starship Jewper”.
Vince, you’re fired! How the hell could you put up anything remotely related to Starship Troopers and not mention the hot ass redhead that gets naked?
Who was that chick again?
http://tinyurl.com/aoc7yu
Hot ass redhead. NSFW of course.
Van Damme Vs. Van Dien in Van Go To Hell!, Rated PG-13. Coming June 2010.
Guess which shoe company would sponsor that movie.
The love interest? Vanna White, of course.
Dina Meyer’s tits did a better PSA warning us about the danger of gingers.
Preferred mode of transportation in said movie?
Oddly enough it’s a Vespa. Go figure.
Preferred mode of transportation in said movie?
Oddly enough it’s a Vespa. Go figure.
Well of course, Erswi. It’s easier to get around the Island location of Vanuata on a vespa.
In the future, Vanuatu is called Vanuata because it gets overrun with amazon women.
*chodin enters FilmDrunk sauna, removes towel and sits on Donk’s donk*
Morning fucks.
Something something Vanity Fair.
To allay investors’ fears that the production was not covering all necessary bases, on set catering will be taken care of by a guy in a van.
Theme song by Van Halen.
The movie will be co-starring Vin Diesel’s half-brother Van Diesel.
You see, I don’t have any worries about ruining the fuck out of this thread because Vince started it when he made it about Casper Van Dien.
Side note: Jake Busey was in Starship Troopers.
Donk, thank Christ they changed their mind on the soundtrack. I had heard it was to originally include Vanilla Ice and Milli Vanilli.
I’d love to sit in on the court hearing for a Van Damme child abuse case.
Prosecutor: “Your honor, the defendant has repeated struck his son.”
Van Damme: “He’s lying, it was a collection of swift kicks!”
They do plan on interspersing live-action scenes with some animation, like in Kill Bill or Revolver. To help them with this, they’ve enlisted the help of Van Partible.
Casper Van Dien sounds like something your waiter can sprinkle on your food at the Red Lobster.
Vanessa Hudgens was originally in line to star, but JCVD snapped her neck with his karate chop action.
Casper Van Dien is the spirit of a young boy who never got to live life as a successful actor.
Ouch, Van Dien’s IMDB profile reads like a Who’s Who of shitty made-for-tv movies.
OMG! I almost forgot he was married to Catherine Oxenberg and they had that (thankfully) short-lived reality show. Must have been a relief for him to go back to bug-killin’.
It’ll be shot in Vancouver. But only as a joke.
Casper Van Dien is the C-Battery of actors. Only old women use him and it’s not for something that ever leaves the bedroom.
Casper is so tired of people asking him if he’s “the friendliest ghost in town.”
Casper Van Dien once tried to audition as the role of “Albert Chang” from a script that he had received on his doorstep, until an assistant told him that it was a fucking phonebook.
Weren’t they also endorsed by Van de Kamp’s?
Casper Van Dien regularly breaks into actors’ homes when they aren’t there and sprays Baby Oil all over the floor of their showers. He insists it’s not because he is bitter.
Casper Van Dien had to remove his mirror from the bathroom, because it was interfering with his method acting while he’d take shits.
You may know Casper Van Dien as the Mexican holiday where families pay tribute to people who have “shit the bed”, both metaphorically and literally.
Casper Van Dien was excited about working with Christina Ricci until his agent told him Casper was going to be a computerized ghost.
To be fair, Van Dien asked the PSA production company what to wear for the shoot. They told him “just come dressed in whatever you wear everyday.”
I’ll bet that he has that gun mounted above his fireplace mantle and when he drives around in his pickup, its prominently displayed on the gun rack through his back window.
Space Bugs worse then Carl’s Giant Enemy Crabs??!??
http://bigcarlcrabs.ytmnd.com/
KLANDATHU is an UGLY Planet – a CHILD PLANET
Casper Van Dien is in the muthafucking space olympics!
Casper Van Dien’s chin needs to get a new face agent.
The PSA was actually written by Casper’s uncle/manager, Rip Van Diem. He’s been asleep for the past twelve years.
I can’t help but feel some level of resentment towards this PSA. I think it has to do with the irony of my dad punching 11-year-old “me” in the head during ‘Starship Troopers’.
I’m going to put on blackface, dress up like an african baby, and try to suck on Salma Hayek’s tits.
I’m going to dress up like Salma Hayek and then stick my dick in your mouth, fag.
I’m going to stick my dick in Salma Hayek.
I think I win.
chodin, I think *you* are the “secret whore” that Van Dien is referring to.
“Casper Van Dien” was Joaquin Phoenix’s original rap name until Joaquin Phoenix found out that it was the name of an actual person.
Von Straufenburg thinks Jews are the new children.
Drummond, I think *you* are the “gay son” your dad keeps referring to.
Ah Starship Troopers, back when Dennis was grade A spank material. Before Charlie hogged out her snatch by fucking her with champagne bottles stuck on his dick and gave her the black syph.
Dennis is what I named Denise’s boobs. To make them extra sexy.
While the voice of Casper Van Dien may discourage adults from hitting their children, there are scientific results proving the direct correlation between his likeness and child molestation.
The original ‘Starship Troopers’ will always bring two specific images to my mind: 1) some of the first boobs I’d ever seen, and 2) the first hand job lesson my uncle ever gave.
Sort of like the correlation between Nick Nolte rolling into town and the amount of animal caracasses that appear.
Chodin’s mom breastfed him, but she put a blindfold over his eyes and made him smoke a cigarette beforehand.
Videos are $15.95 each. Free shipping on orders of 4 or more.
Can I get 3 copies, please?
You drive a hard bargain Donk, but I’ll take 4. Free shipping is too much to pass up.
Casper Van Dien is such a hypocrite when it comes to child abuse.
He has a cum-sock that just won a spelling bee last week.
When my baby momma was breastfeeding my daughter, she would put ketchup in the divit made by the soft spot in her skull to dip her chicken nuggets in.
Eugene kicks Wolfman in the nads (turns to camera)
Eugene: Wolfman’s not the only one with nads. Little boys have nads, too, and you shouldn’t touch them.
Judge Reinhold: In the movie, Vice Versa, I may have been inside my son’s body, but in real life you shouldn’t do that.
Number 5: In Short Circuit I was reprogrammed by lightning. Pedophiles can never be reprogrammed to not abuse children.
I get wet when I watch the shower scene in Starship Troopers.
Casper: Don’t touch kids.
Donk: Yeah, whatever you say guy. Hey, do you still have any ins with Paul Verhoeven? I have a script about Robocop in Beverly Hills I want to pass on to him.
Casper Van Dien: “Does my face and likeness alone make you want to fuck-punch someone? Well listen up America: DON’T make that someone your kid. Cool? Cool.”
New up mother F-ers.
Casper Van Dien: “Hey America: my career may have gone out of style, but not hitting a little kid will always been hip!”
N’up.
CASPER VAN DIEN = CSI END RAPE VAN
Hey, maybe the PSA is working after all!
Also:
CASPER VAN DIEN = PENIS CAVERN AD
Hmmm … the
shaftplot thickens …