BRETT RATNER NEVER LEFT, BABY
02.09.09
This picture gave my computer AIDS. :-(
Variety reports that Brett Ratner is attached to direct a film adaptation of “Youngblood”, not based on the awesome Patrick Swayze hockey movie of 1986, but rather a shitty comic book that sounds like a mashup of every other shitty comic book. In essence, the perfect Brett Ratner project.
Youngblood was a high-profile superteam sanctioned and overseen by the United States Government. The members of Youngblood include Shaft, a former FBI agent and archer whose bow uses magnets to propel its arrow instead of a string; Badrock, a teenager transformed into a living block of stone; Vogue, a Russian fashion model with purple-and-chalk-white skin; and Chapel, a government assassin. [Wiki]
Wow, that sounds, um… awesome. Reached for comment, Ratner said, “I’m pretty excited about this, y’all, but don’t expect miracles. I don’t know if I’ve got another X3 in me.”
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I don’t know if I’ve got another X3 in me
Fortunately, for trannies everywhere “X3″ is not a euphemism for cock. He’s still good to go on that front.
Reached for comment, Richard Karn, Home Improvement‘s Al Borland, said, “I bet you weren’t expecting to hear my name again!”
That was a lot of commas.
A Youngblood movie? The only thing that could be more impressive is if they could time warp it back to 1993 when anyone would have given a shit!
Youngblood was a
high-profile superteam sanctioned and overseen by the United States Government.bunch of superhero ideas drawn out of a hat and given a comic book.Fixed (I think)!
I’d rather see Oldblood, which is essentially just Clint Eastwood and Wilford Brimley being pissy about their lack of circulation.
Uwe Boll is now looking into the webcomic Cyanide and Happiness for the next popular thing to turn into a steaming pile of monkey shit.
Brett Ratner is NOT gay.
His dick is just “differently abled”.
nope, not fixed at all… fuck me
For real, though, The Savage Dragon was the only Image comic that wasn’t totally FAIL. (Spawn loyalists can eat His dick, Spawn fucking sucks. There. He said it.)
I want to sit in on one of those studio exec meetings where they decide what comic to make next.
So many comics to choose from, let’s choose the most obscure asinine comics we can so that the people who’ve actually heard of them can act superior to the ones who haven’t until they realize that they’re being “superior” to people who don’t read every comic book that comes out.
Yes, let’s continue milking the blood out of the comic books tit just because we finally got a few decent ones to get released.
Well, He guesses “Team 7″ had some decent issues.
I hope Ratner makes it clear that this covert team “doesn’t exist” according to official documents. Perhaps there can be a dramatic scene where some general makes the somber decision to activate this super team.
That would be fucking awesome.
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.(gnome sayin?)
If only i could, i’d make this world a better place.
How can they expect us to care about some archer with a fancy bow WHEN IT DOESN’T EVEN SHOOT BOXING GLOVES?!
Shaft! Can you suck it?
“…and for the guy made out of rock, bro check this, (sniff) fuck the rock and all that, that shit’s played out bro. we’ll just make his name like (sniff) John Rock or something. or-and, fucking, like we’ll get The Rock to play him, bro!!! i’m so fucking meta, kid!”
Badrock, coincidentally, is what the author was smoking
Suddenly I’m nostalgic for announcements that another board game is being made into a movie.
Vogue is joined by a team of gifted superheros, including Bolverine, Splorm, Hyclops, Gene Cray and their leader Instructor Q.
The only way this movie will work is if they write in “Saint Guts-Free” as the new leader of the team.
Now that I’m older and seeing all these movies based on comic books I’d never read, I can honestly say that I’m much happier that I spent my youth beating off.
Brett Ratner propositions hookers with the line “Wanna go, pretty boy?”
Brett Ratner’s facial hair spells thigh rash.
I’M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH! WHAT DON’T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?
There’s something beautiful about Rob Liefeld, the biggest hack in comics, teaming up with Brett Ratner, the biggest hack in Hollywood.
See Liefeld’s Captain America Titties here: http://grotesqueanatomy.blogspot.com/2004/05/now-thats-grotesque-anatomy.html
omfg X3 was the worst comic book movie ever made…hands down. Worse than “The Punisher” way worse than the fucked up batman and robin….its was really really bad. I remember getting really really stoned and it still sucked balls, It almost ruined X-men for me…and seriously X-2 was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen, not just comicbook movies, it was one of the best action movies period. God why did they do that to me, X3 had such potential…this dude should be burnt at the stake….boooooooo!
Paris Hilton should totally get the role as the archer.
“Who’s the skanky chick who’s a sex machine with all the dicks?”
“SHAFT”
“You dammmn right.”