BOX OFFICE: SUCK IT, BRUCKHEIMER
02.16.09
The Michael Bay-produced Friday the 13th remake (now with more wakeboarding!) scored $42.2 million this weekend, the most ever for a Friday the 13th movie or a horror remake. No one much seemed to like it, not that it matters to you horror movie weirdos. I don’t get it, but that’s okay, we can just continue to not hang out. Cumulatively, it was the highest-grossing President’s Day Weekend ever.
But I’m still declaring victory on the weekend, because Jerry Bruckheimer’s latest uncredited remake/insult to society, Confessions of a Shopaholic, grossed just $15.4 million and debuted all the way down at number four. I’ve been calling Bruckheimer movies “number twos” so long that I may have to switch to calling them number fours. I think that’s when you vomit a placenta.
[via EW.com]
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I was responsible for $8.99 million of Pink Panther 2′s gross. It’s funny because he can’t say hamburger!
Michael Bay’s Jason drowned when he fell off of his jet ski.
That movie’s gonna have to gross a whole lot more if we’re going to have hope of European morons stabbing babies while wearing hockey masks instead of joker makeup.
“Paul Blart,” hanging in there at number 6! America loves Segway-riding, overweight, rent-a-cops!
Michael Bay’s Jason is the 10th member of Slipknot.
It’ll be even worse for Bruckheimer when Tyler Perry hits paydirt with Confessions of a Chocoholic.
I stayed in this weekend with a box of chocolates, a bottle of Green Torment, and “My Name is Bruce” which was in at the Red Box. then i used my tears and the melted chocolate that was on my fingers as lube for a 2 minute session of Five Knuckle Baby Kurgan Genocide and instead of climaxing to either Bruce or sexy ass Grace Thorsen, i shot my load to Ted Motherfucking Raimi.
Friday the 13th only hit #1 because a bunch of stoners thought it was another sequel to Friday, starring Ice Cube and Chris “Eddie Murphey of his generation” Tucker.
New up psychos!
Eddie Murphey is like Eddie Murphy except he when he gives a shemale a ride he really is just being a good samaritan.