WEEKEND PREVIEW: STAY OFF MY LAWN
01.09.09
Opening this weekend:
Gran Torino
Watch this movie all you want, Clint Eastwood still thinks you’re a pussy. He doesn’t care about the money. The only thing that makes him happy these days is a good BM.
Bride Wars
Now that Anne Hathaway has gotten rave reviews for Rachel Getting Married, perhaps she won’t have to do any more spectacularly uninspired piles of monkey shit like this anymore. You know what’d be way better than this? Lesbian MMA porn. Know what else’d be better than this? Nailing your dick to a tree with the claw end of the hammer.
The Unborn
Movie looks shitty, but I give the poster two thumbs up. Hey, wait a second, the synopsis says the ghost boy died in Auschwitz. You see that? They tried to Trojan horse a holocaust movie on us – inside some chick’s ass. …I hope you guys all went to college because I’m throwing down some pretty erudite analysis around here these days.
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BCS Rankings–White People with Asianest Eyes:
1. Clint
2. Zellweger
3. Guy Who Plays “Chuck” on Gossip Girl
They should rename Bride Wars “Norbit II: Why Anne Hathaway won’t be getting the Oscar this year”.
That Unborn poster has me confused, frightened and a little turned on. Is there a version where she makes out with her reflection?
Clint would be better served by Bran Torino.
In that holocaust movie flowchart, The Unborn is “you monster”.
The Unborn = the spermz I wasted on that poster.
Gran Torino: Or, as the Asians call it, Glan Tolino.
Bride Wars Show me weaponry and I’ll be there with a bucket of popcorn.
The Unborn: Should have been The Stillborn.
The Unborn = My shower drain/sock
@Pauly–commit to the sock, bro. You’re just toying with the emotions of that shower drain.
I was glad to see it open early in Detroit. I thought it was a really good movie, but I was pretty disappointed with the acting aside from Clint-Squint.
Speaking of Unborn … I gotta go give birth to a brown baby boy.
Have a good weekend, faggots.
I hate movies like Bride Wars, because they act like women only care about cute boys and pretty dresses. So not true!
I also care about shoes, chocolate, and kitty cats.
Is Viggo!
Patty, sweety. I want to kick you in your box.
I jest. Unless of course “shoes, chocolate, and kitty cats” doesn’t mean “anal, blow jobs, and sperm-play”…
Been getting tips from MonyVibescu, Pauly?
Dude. You’re getting “over there” in my Filmdrunk.
Friday night. So I guess you fuckers are broke too, huh?
The Unborn would be a great fetus band name.
I’m not broke, I just don’t have any money.
Or friends.
‘I also care about shoes, chocolate, and kitty cats.’
This is why I’m not allowed at the mall anymore.
It’s cool, Jack! I’ll spot you a piss-boot…Off the kids menu, though.
El Topo, I’m not as “broke” as much as I’m “out of cocaine”.
Well, I have one friend.
Richard Karn, Home Improvement‘s Al Borland.
El Topo, I’m not as “broke” as much as I’m “out of cocaine”.
You’re gonna have to wait in the car then, when we hit the ‘butt nekkid’.
I just got done beating off in the window at Subway and did the “5 dollar foot long” dance with jizz-hands. So, I’m good.
If I don’t put out, am I doomed to unpopularity?
No, but you wants boys to like you. Right? At least that is what my Mom told me.
I just got done beating off in the window at Subway and did the “5 dollar foot long” dance with jizz-hands. So, I’m good.
To bad it’s closed and nobody’s there. Try the ‘truffle shuffle’ and leave a napkin full of shit-loaf in the bullet-proof drive thru window at Jack-in-the-Crack.
Patty, I don’t put out.
Of course, Richard Karn, Home Improvement‘s Al Borland is my only friend.
Richard Karn, Home Improvement’s Al Borland is a virgin.
*GASP!*
Richard Karn, Home Improvement’s Al Borland bites pillows.
Chino, you have to put “Home Improvement” in italics, or it doesn’t count.
I don’t know how to italicize :(
DON’T JUDGE ME!
I italicize by cranking Boston in my IROC and watching Rocky III.
I italicize by overusing hair gel and sending folk to sleep with the fishes.
I italicize by using “ay’s” “oh’s” and “yous” when I talk with my hands.
I italicize by being from NJ.
Bada Bing!
Hey Drunkards! Check out my blog grudgefuck.blogspot.com. Because you know you’d do filthy things to Ann Coulter…
Hey Jake! Check out my dick; it’s in your mom!
See, Vince was called ‘The Force’ because he “forced” intercourse onto the unwilling. Which would be rape.