“Four score and seven weeks after we shot the pool scene in Van Wilder, my agent said to me…”
Yesterday marked the beginning of a whole new era. It was truly a great day for horrible metaphors and inexplicable appearances. What the hell is Kumar doing at the inauguration? Are we really that stupid that we need actors to show up to political events so that Tobey Maguire can clarify that he’s not actually the real hero? I will say this though, after every pause in Obama’s speech I half expected him to say, “Today… is our Independence Day.”
Another thing that would’ve improved the ceremony? Replace the poet lady with Michael Madsen.
[via BWE]
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So when is President Kumar moving into the Whitecastle?
Obama talks just like I do in court….
Prosecutor: Mr. Dangerously, is it true you raped and murdered that young girl.
Pauly: [nods head up and down] No.
Prosecuter: Wait, so you didn’t or you did?
Pauly: [shakes head] Yes. [nods head up and down] I didn’t.
Prosecuter: Uhhh…No further questions your Honor.
Nice v-neck fag.
Michael Madsen? What about Pauly? I just found a haiku he wrote in prison:
Blood on his penis
To hell with slippery soap
Why did I bend down?
Banner Pic: Exclusive behind the scenes pics of a very special episode of House, guest starring Teddy Kennedy.
I’m sure it’s only coincidence that the seal on Kumar’s podium looks like the sticky-icky.
“I, as the only young, gaza strip-looking muther fucker in Hollywood, would like to thank all of you for coming here today and those liberal retardates who thought that bringing me here would atone for that time I overheard them calling me a Mexican.”
Wow, Burnsy, that haiku is like a young Basho. Did I say Basho? I meant Bash hole.
Maybe Obama has better weed than W did?
If I didn’t have celebrities tell me what to buy and what to think I’d be lost.
“And then I’ll do this with my lips, kneel right in front of his buttocks and plant a big ol’ kiss”
In fairness, if McCain had won he would have only been able to secure the guy who played Jawaharlal on Head of the Class.
I heard they were calling Kal Penn “Koonmar”.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am here to let you know that this is the face you are supposed to make right before you realize that the streaking light in the sky isn’t a falling star, it’s an air to ground missile.”
“This chick you got to hide under the podium is the TITS!”
*Larry Craig peeks out from under podium*
Vince, perhaps we’ve had sex in another life, cause I, too, expected him to go into the ID4 speech.
Also, that was probably the worst poem I have ever heard. It sounded like it was written by an 8th grader just picking random things they noticed happen in a two day period. Then I found out it was written by a Yale professor. Obama is right, the education system needs major reform.
Kumar calls firsties on Sasha Obama?
Banner Pic: Seconds before the Secret Service’s bullet found the terrorist’s temple.
I thought Burnsy said he was into “politics”.
Turns out, he said “Pauly’s tits”.
“Again, if any of the white people down front need water or something to snack on, my name is Kal and I’ll be right over here.”
Miley Cyrus plans to be at my inauguration.
That’s a fancy word for “rape trial”, right?
Wait…which type of minority is our president? I haven’t been paying much attention, but I thought he was black. He’s Indian?
God knows Madsen’s reading couldn’t be more stilted.
Also, he woulda danced and it would have been hillarious right before he puked into audience over the rail.
I do find it amusing that seconds later Kiefer Sutherland burst throught the crowd tackling Kal Penn and screaming “Your out of time mutherfucker!” as he commenced to bash his head in.
Might I add, Kiefer is a pirate and it explains a lot.