TERMINATOR 4: SPONSUHD BY CHWYSSLUH.
01.21.09
Chrysler, which has received $4 billion in taxpayer bailout money (because God forbid we let shitty companies go bankrupt), recently announced plans to help underwrite Terminator Salvation for an undisclosed amount.
“This spring, Terminator 4 comes out and we will be one of the sponsors,” Chrysler director of media Susan Thomson said in a presentation at the Automotive News World Congress. “We have a following with the Terminator movies and we are going to continue with that.” [Reuters]
Thomson later added, “From now on, when people think post-apocalyptic wasteland, they’ll think Chrysler.”
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Psst, Uncle Sam, I’ll make shitty cars for a fraction of that $4B, call me.
I don’t know, it’s going to be hard for me to get over my stigma that Ford primarily makes death machines.
What’s going to be awesome is that one of the Terminators will have a Mopar tattoo.
Tagline: Don’t get caught in a Crossfire.
“CHRYSTLER: We bring you Salvation”
“We have a following with the Terminator movies… you know, in that people who were in their 20s when the first film came out now think that Chryslers are pretty efficient and roomy.”
Or was that spelling intentional and now I’m the asshole?
Michael Bay is currently dangling this bit of information in front of Cadillac’s nose.
“Dat’s nawt a PT Cruisah!”
If I see another Chrysler 300 with Lambo doors…
I. Will. Shit. A. Dick.
When asked why Chrysler, McG said: “Because the 300 looks like a Bentley, son.”
Meanwhile, some guy with a rickshaw has agreed to help pay some of the distribution costs for Ong Bak 2.
Today, we are all movie producers.
*raises U.S. flag*
I’m going to need a judges’ ruling on dick-stepping…
The Canadian judge says yes, but the others concur that it is not dick-stepping and both 300 jokes stand.
I’m voting no on the dick-stepping.
Those two jokes are as different as Town and Country.
Does this mean that the American taxpayers are now sponsoring this movie?
Boy, do
you guyswe look stupid!I want to see this like I want to see NASCAR the Musical.
Exec #1: “So guys, what do want to do with all this money the government just handed us?”
Exec #2: “Let’s work on building more fuel efficient cars!”
Exec #3: “Let’s work on building more reliable cars!”
Exec #4: “Let’s invest in a McG movie!”
CEO: “That motherfucker is getting a promotion!”
I always thought the concept for this film was a bit dodgy.
I cannot figure out what the fuck any of that means, so…
True Story; I drove a Chrystler product off of a cliff, rolled it at least 6 times, and walked away completely uninjured. Other than not letting me die, the car was shit. Do with that info what you will.
Back in my day, you spent your government check on hookers and blow. None of this fancy-shmancy robot movie whatsits.
And we were happy!
Look for new names for some of the differently modeled terminator machines now. The mototerminators will now be known as “Hondas” and the very large terminators will be called “Inefficient and unstylish foreign made crap”.
And we were cr
happy!How’d you know?!
If I’m going to watch a movie that heavily features the product of a failed business model, the title should have the words “Marilyn Chambers” and “bikini consulting” in it.
“Chrysler and McG, still inexplicably getting paid for what they make.”
Banner pic convo:
Bale: Yes, I bought a Sebring convertable.
Other guy: Was it a bet?
B: No.
O: … fucking tool.
Sperminator 4 will be sponsored by the Dodge Magnum.
True story: parked in the garage I use at work yesterday was a Chrysler 300 with a fucking FAKE Rolls Royce grille, complete w/shitty little knock-off hood ornament.
Fucking naggers!
Erswi, if you ever touch my fucking car again, I’ll…I’ll…I’ll probably not do anything about it.
“From now on, when people think post-apocalyptic wasteland, they’ll think
ChryslerDetroit.”If one of the Terminators isn’t poorly controlled by my mother, then I’m afraid Chrysler has shit the bed.
“Sperminator 4 will be sponsored by the Dodge Magnum.”
I remember when I had one of those…..
The Sperminator, I mean.
“Yo dawg we herd you was real insecure about yer socioeconomical status and shit so we put this faker-ass Rolls grill on yo ride.”
This sorta reminds me . . . whatever happened to JesusChryslerSuperCar? I don’t think he made the transition to FD ver 2.0, but that was a funny ass screen name.
Bale: What kinda Chrysler is that?
Other guy: Aspen.
Bale: Mmmm….California.
I’m fucking glad to see this franchise is finally tying up loose ends in their story structure. That was my whole issue with T3, I was like, “Okay, a robot is trying to kill these dudes…annnnd, why don’t they just get a P.T. Cruiser?” .
Bale: “Say it again!”
Other guy: “Your abs were fucking sick in ‘American Psycho’!”
Bale: “Yeah…*kiss* “
The only time you’ll ever catch me in a fucking Chrysler, is when some middle-aged bag lady drives one through my vehicle.
Chrysler has a following with people torn between their public profession of Christ and their private obsession with Hustler. Hence the name.
“Chrysler became self aware at 2:14am EDT June 4th, 2009.”
Chysler exec: Gentlemen and token glass ceiling breakin ass bitch, McG must be stopped. With our inerrant ability to fuck up everything we touch to near disastrous levels, by attaching ourselves to his new project, we may finally be able to do some good.
If he’s interrogating a terminator without using it’s USB port or firewire, I swear I’m gonna kill somebody.
If they incorporate a robotic Lee Iacocca, I’m there.
So in ‘Salvation’, does everyone just fucking point and laugh at the Terminators when they walk by?
In “Salvation,” the terminators always give away their location because their CHECK ENGINE lights are on.
Chrysler-sponsored Terminators aren’t really that impressive, but they do come equipped with the the ability to hold your coffee mug and makes chicks ask, “Are you fucking serious right now?”.
McG said, “Chrysler isn’t sponsoring that other big robot movie”
It’s not a Tumah! It’s a Chrystlah!
Poster tagline
No one in the Town & Country is safe…
Bale: Four fingers.
Other Guy: Fore fingers or four fingers [holds up four fingers.
B: Four, [holds up four fingers] I want four fingers in my mangina.
“Mr. Connor, this is Tiffany from OnStar. We show that you’ve traveled back in time to save the world from total destruction at the hands of a maniacal robot army. Will you need turn-by-turn directions?”
I don’t give a fuck the circumstances: the only time I’m relying on Chrysler is when I’m supposed to jump the Grand Canyon on live television and someone has payed me to come up short-as-fuck.
Chrysler-sponsored Terminators are only able to travel 5-6 years into the future before they fall apart.
Fred Schneider’s got a Terminator that’s as big as a whale…
The navigation system on the Chrysler-sponsored Terminators always leads them to the Popeye’s Chicken & Biscuits at
300 W Compton Blvd, Compton, CA 90220
Chrysler-sponsored Terminators can’t talk, but they can play the soundtrack from ‘Les Miserables’ over and over again.
Banner pic caption: “You’ve got some mighty pliable lips, there, John. I used to have a name for guys with mouths like that…”
Chrysler-sponsored Terminators are specially designed to escort subjects to piano practice.
The Chrysler Sponsored Terminator is intrepid.
Is this post going to be up for an interminal amount of time?
Chrysler-sponsored Terminators can carry a max weight of 2 fat aunts, 1 kid with Down’s and 3 Whoppers.
Chrysler-Sponsored Terminators all wear hats and wrap-around sunglasses.
pu’N
In the end the humans and machines live in harmony, when terminators start developing human emotions, starting with laughter after they see a “UcntTuchDis” personalized licence plate on a 1992 dodge viper.
Is the title of this post in weffewence to the skit that makes fun of the Rza on the Handsome Boy Modeling School album, White People?
The Nominatrix finds humor in belittling automobile companies and their products, and also belittling bad spellers and their products.
The Nominatrix has not yet LOL’d though.