Hey FilmDrunkards, Matt from With Leather here. For reasons completely beyond my understanding, AXE sent me to the Sundance Film Festival. And I was given a bunch of free shit, presumably under the pretense that I write something about the free shit. So, uh, here it is (clockwise from top left):
- World’s most comfortable robe. I won’t be needing these any more. **burns pants**
- Divine dark chocolate bar. Mmmmm… tastes like fair trade.
- Bean digital camera by Argus. It’s waterproof, so I can finally get good pictures of myself in the shower.
- Xacti digital movie camera by Sanyo. It’s waterproof, so I won’t be needing these pictures of me showering. **throws Bean away**
- Givenchy mascara. I look terrific!
- Notebook and pen.
- Sephora gift bag. Shut up! It’s for my mom!
- AXE Detailer. It hurts my scabs.
- Twenty-year supply of AXE body sprays and shower gels. I couldn’t turn around in Sundance without knocking one of these bottles over. It was like they were a foreign animal introduced to an environment with no natural enemies.
Full report of the weekend is on tap for tomorrow. There might even be some discussion of movies or something.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Cats-Snapping-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/Dakota-Fanning-Twilight-Premiere2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/lindsay-lohan-james-deen-the-canyons-trailer-01-e1358386477128-640x397-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/01/Lohan-Canyons-150x150.jpg)
If you use that Axe stuff? You’ll smell like a douchebag.
Better title would have been
SUNDANCE SWAG: AXE ME HOW I SMELL.
That’s a lot of Axe Products.
I had no idea that Sundance was in Jersey this year.
BONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Matt, you should sue them for not including a stick in that bag to swat away all the bitches that will be all ripping your clothes off when you wear that AXE stuff.
Go back to writing about “Jewish Cummel Jugglers”, kotal HaDiBah! We don’t want yer lousy Romulan-coddling yIntaghness here!
The joke is on you, Lince switched envelopes, he’ll be posting next week from the SuperBowl courtesy of Old Spice.
I named my pee-hole “Sephora”.
Lince, what’s next? An expose written by Perez Hilton about his buttcheek dimples?
“I like to use Axe body spray, but I live in a very black area of Brooklyn. Over there, they call it Ask. If you don’t get that joke, then you’re not racist”
-ZG
Chuch.
And Matt, to answer your question: you smell like Eddy Curry. What up with that?
People who attend these Film Festivals usually smell of summer garbage, feet, and bear dick.
Is that a cock ring next to the video camera?
Bruns-that would be pretty fucking big for a cock ring, lol!
Well I figured it was for two people. And their dog.
Considering most of the guys that wear Axe products are ass faces, I’m a bit surprised they didn’t just combine the “face” and “body” stuff into one thing.
Axe – for people who don’t bathe regularly and want to cover up the stench of their own shit.
This is the best post ever.
Maybe next week someone can show us things that we don’t have, too!
Do Axe be smellin like grape drank?
I’m sure they hand out the notebook and pen so as to keep track of how many women don’t want to fuck when guys use Axe products.
Axe Lumberjack- Combines the heady aroma of woodchips, 2-stroke exhaust and masculine sweat to prove that you are a man when other are in doubt
I wish someone would send ME to Sundance.
They usually just send me to the 7-11 to buy them cigarettes and condoms.
If I found Axe products in my boyfriend’s bathroom, the relationship would be over.
I’d take the chocolate bar and the mascara, though.
Juan, why do other people in your old age home need condoms?
*Pauly opens AXE diary, writes….*
Today I holla’d at some chick and she totally ignored me. So I says to the bitch, I says “It’s ok, I’m going to beat-off to you later anyway” and gave myself a knuckle crack. Then I went to the gym and tried hard not to get caught starring at the guys’ dongs in the shower. Tonight, I’ll be doing Jager Bombs at Maloney’s and trying to get some breazy to come back to my house for some Rockband and Totino’s Pizza Rolls.
Axe is the new: Cool Water, Drakkar Noir, Aqua Velva, joop! and Aramis all wrapped in one. Now you don’t have to be an overdressed Asian with more bling than a JayZ video to be a douche, just spray and go!
The Mega Rolls? those are da bomb, yo!
Burnsy may be on to something, besides my Mom.
I think that orange thing is a cock ring with a camera so a guy that wear Axe stuff can see what it looks like when he’s the center car of a train.
My son bought me some Right Guard spray that supposedly smells like Fiddy Cent, but every time i put it on my cats piss on me. i wonder of Fiddy has that problem?
I remember a simpler time when the phrase “Axe body spray” made me think of Patrick Bateman instead of making me want to act like him.
Dear scum: Your commenting needs to get funnier.
I like the new line of shitty-body-spray-scented candles: Waxe
The waterproof cameras were a mistake. Those were meant to go to people at the raindance festival.
Mascara and Axe: for the rarely seen “guido-goth.” They get depressed and cut Puerto Ricans.
I think they should market this stuff to LOTR-freaks
“Axe body spray, we guarantee it will make you smell even worse than John-Rhys Davis”
Scum is the FUNNIEST! DON’T TAKE HIM/HER/BOTH AWAY FROM ME!!!
I think it was very gracious of Vance to let Uff post his contractually-obligated crap here instead of his own blog but that doesn’t mean he can just leave us in here. Or does it?
Jacktion! I said “they” sent me. “They” are the voices in my head, and sending me to buy cigarettes and condoms is better than what “they” used to have me do. It was horrible and demeaning*.
*I had to buy a ticket to “Paul Blart Mall Cop”
Dear scum: The good news is, you won’t have to try hard to be funnier than you are now.
Thanks Burnsy I get all my material from Maxim magazine.
When Vince says “scum” does he mean a particular scum or all of us scum?
What is that black and red thing for? “Axe Lazer Tag”?
I’ve never smelled any Axe products before. I think that’s a good thing.
I thought Axe sponsored WhiteGuyOverbiteDance.
Whew! I thought Vince was talking to me.
I was wondering how he knew about that fungus on my junk.
Wait…
That’s horrid, Juan. Did you at least wax the weasel in the theater to make the ordeal less demeaning?
I want to smell like Joaquin Phoenix.
kurg-Sleep in a dumpster for a week or two…
I want to smell like Joaquin Phoenix.
You mean through only one nostril and your mouth?
Joaquin smells by flicking his tongue in the air then rubbing it on special receptors on the roof of his mouth.
Good fucking day to you J!
Yours was much more thought out, Crappy.
Let me get this straight, the genious marketing team thought that sending a black sports blogger to the Sundance Film Festival in Utah was a good idea?
New Up, Jive Turkeys
Ya, but calling him a mouth breather made me snicker.
{high five, wink}
I am not particularly familiar with Axe’s body spray, but their shower gel smells wonderful. When a man gets out of the shower smelling like that stuff, I just want to dirty him up!!
I’d never heard of Axe before. Obviously they don’t spend enough on advertising or I don’t spend enough time waking off to Dane Cook.