ROM-COMS ARE USEFUL TRAINING TOOL
01.29.09Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is a romantic comedy starring Matthew McConnaughey that thankfully involves neither Kate Hudson nor a search for treasure. The great thing about it is that it teaches girls not to fall for that douchey pussy who’s always being nice to you. True love is what happens when that hot asshole who treats you like shit and f’s all your friends finally discovers the meaning of life. Think about it, it could be you he settles for! How romantic!
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Most of the tools that I know were trained by Rom-coms.
I could shit in my printer and the output would be more original than this garbage.
It’s true, rom-coms do train tools.
TD Ameritrade commercial:
“And we have the tools to help you make sound investments…”
Cracks me up every flackin time.
I’d like to invest in a honk and a boing please.
Romanian Communists are getting a bad rap lately.
Can’t watch the vid, but I’ll just picture every other chick flick ever made, paint some new faces in there, and start petting my vagina softly cuz she’s getting all throbby.
Rom-coms trained my tool to turn itself inside out and crave chocolate.
Ryan Gosling understands that you still have feelings for the hot jerk who dumped you. Ryan Gosling just wants you to be happy. He’ll be standing over here in his wedding tuxedo, watching you swap spit with the wedding photographer.
As are Roman Commuters.
Rom-coms trained my tool to appreciate a good wine/cheese combo.
Rom-coms trained my tool to fuck the hot guys and use the nice guys.
The Mighty Feklahr asserts that a good wine/cheese combo can be one of the more masculine thins a guy can…
HEY!
I am a useful tool
That’s the problem with broads these days, they just don’t get that it’s not my decision to fuck all of their coworkers. I only do it to show how interested I am in them…and for the free video rentals.
GRRR…MILWAUKEE’S BEST AND CHEETOS!!!
Rom-coms trained my tool to never shit where it eats… er, I mean.. whore around the office.
In regards to romance, I have a saying: If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, tell them you’ve already met someone.
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: Also known as Chodin’s Crawlspace.
Rom-coms trained my tool that being a brides maid is OK… someday, it… it will be it’s turn… {tool menstruates}
Donk, I thought we were going to keep our romantic weekend in Cabo a goddamn secret?
Ol CCH’s ghosts of girlfriends past look like they put cigarettes out on their lips.
If I could turn the Winnybango into a time machine, I’d go back and get head from more fat chicks.
I don’t have a problem with the ghosts of my girlfriends past. It’s the ones from the future that the cops keep questioning me about. What, motherfuckers? They’ll eventually turn 18.
Ol’ CCH’s ghosts of girlfriends past appear late at night, waving little pink plus signs.
Rom-coms trained my tool to have totally unrealistic expectations of what it should expect in a man. And can’t understand why it’s still single and 42.
Don’t worry, you’ll turn 43 eventually.
Dor Sho Gah! Never trust a Romulan Comic.
My favorite useful tool with the ladies is a chainsaw, like my hero, Patrick Bateman.
All my girlfriends past need to know about how our relationships were going to go simply needed to watch The Smurfs.
They should have stuck with the title Screwge.
You just gotta keep on phonin’ it in, man. F-O-N-I-N.
That’s what I love about these ghosts–I keep gettin older but they stay the same age.
Affleck’s reaction when he found out McConnaughey and Garner were having a real life affair and were planning to adopt a bunch of homeless kids from Cambodia: “What are you looking at? Huh? I’ll kick your fucking ass, right now! What are you smiling at? Freshman faggot!”
Close your eyes and listen to the last 11 seconds of that video and you’ll hear every sexual encounter I’ve ever had.