You haven’t been depressed until you’ve seen 900 words in the L.A. Times dedicated to Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Most of them explain why it’s performed so unexpectedly well at the box office (I could explain that in two words: no competition), but the last two paragraphs reveal some news about the principals’ upcoming plans:

What’s less clear is when Paul Blart might save the day again. James has been developing the comedy “Zookeeper” at MGM and may soon costar in a new Sandler comedy for Sony.
“Happy Madison historically has been very reluctant to do sequels,” says a hopeful [producer Doug] Belgrad [who’s also responsible for The Ugly Truth]. “But we believe there is an opportunity to make another Paul Blart movie.” [LA Time]

Oh boy, Paul Blart: Zookeeper.  I wonder if he’ll try really hard to feed the animals but then mess it up because he’s fat.  That would be really funny.  Heck, we could just make this into a series like those tween movies the Olsen twins got rich off.  Paul Blart: Truckdriver.  Paul Blart: Chiropractor.  Paul Blart: Bricklayer.  Paul Blart: Jew Lawyer.  They’ll all be about a fat guy falling down, but in each one he’ll wear a new outfit.  Ooh, I smell action figures!