Because they like to stir shit up, the Chicago Sun-Times recently asked Bonnie and Clyde stars Faye Dunaway and Warren Beattie for their thoughts on the upcoming tween version of their 1967 classic.  Not surprisingly, their reactions were, “Why?”.  Regarding the new Bonnie, Hilary Duff, Dunaway added:

‘‘Couldn’t they at least cast a real actress?”

Whoa whoa whoa, easy there, grandma.  Next you’ll tell me Agent Cody Banks and The Lizzie McGuire Movie aren’t real movies.  Look at that second one, it’s right there in the title.

^{[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip]}

Even though JCVD turned an awesome concept into an annoying film school masturbation, it was worth it for bringing Van Damme back into the media spotlight.  Not even Steven Seagal does a better interview.

“You know, like, we’re gonna do Bloodsport 2,” he told us in a recent interview. “Which was my first movie. And I want to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son.”

[On encountering resistance from the studio] “They told me, ‘No, no, no!  You cannot make a movie in America where a father is abusing his son physically! It’s wrong.”

“And you cannot be a guy on drugs doing karate and shit like that.’ I said, ’Why? Why? Tell me why.’  It’s against the rules of success. But I believe the other rules of success. To show something real.” [TotalFilm]

Dear Studio Exec: Think about it, Bloodsport 2: Child Abuse and Drugs and Karate and Shit, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Gary Busey.  The world is counting on you.

After the jump is a video that defies description.  I have no idea who made it or what it is, other than an aphrodisiac.  The title at the beginning says “My Dark Horse is Horny”, and it’s about… a flabby Salvador Dalí… who rides a horse on the beach… On top of a girl in a semi-sheer top …Look, it’s hard to describe, but trust me, it’s awesome.  I have my fingers crossed that it’s a trailer for a modern retelling of Zardoz.

UPDATE: It’s a commercial for Diesel Jeans, apparently.
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This is the second trailer for Taken, starring Liam Neeson, which opens today.  This one gives us a little better idea of the plot, which sadly, is pretty much the plot of a John Cena movie.  In movies, the guy whose daughter or wife gets kidnapped is always a Navy SEAL or CIA Agent.  If they made the movie about me, my daughter would get kidnapped and the next scene would just be me photoshopping the kidnapper’s face onto a monkey’s butt.   This time, they messed with the wrong guy.

You haven’t been depressed until you’ve seen 900 words in the L.A. Times dedicated to Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Most of them explain why it’s performed so unexpectedly well at the box office (I could explain that in two words: no competition), but the last two paragraphs reveal some news about the principals’ upcoming plans:

What’s less clear is when Paul Blart might save the day again. James has been developing the comedy “Zookeeper” at MGM and may soon costar in a new Sandler comedy for Sony.
“Happy Madison historically has been very reluctant to do sequels,” says a hopeful [producer Doug] Belgrad [who’s also responsible for The Ugly Truth]. “But we believe there is an opportunity to make another Paul Blart movie.” [LA Time]

Oh boy, Paul Blart: Zookeeper.  I wonder if he’ll try really hard to feed the animals but then mess it up because he’s fat.  That would be really funny.  Heck, we could just make this into a series like those tween movies the Olsen twins got rich off.  Paul Blart: Truckdriver.  Paul Blart: Chiropractor.  Paul Blart: Bricklayer.  Paul Blart: Jew Lawyer.  They’ll all be about a fat guy falling down, but in each one he’ll wear a new outfit.  Ooh, I smell action figures!