LIAM NEESON IS VENGEFUL
01.30.09This is the second trailer for Taken, starring Liam Neeson, which opens today. This one gives us a little better idea of the plot, which sadly, is pretty much the plot of a John Cena movie. In movies, the guy whose daughter or wife gets kidnapped is always a Navy SEAL or CIA Agent. If they made the movie about me, my daughter would get kidnapped and the next scene would just be me photoshopping the kidnapper’s face onto a monkey’s butt. This time, they messed with the wrong guy.
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“Go into the bedroom. Get under the bed. Now, the next part is very important: you WILL lose control of your bladder and bowels. Trust me, Amanda, it’s an old CIA trick. Nobody wants a stinky hostage. If you can throw up on yourself, so much the better.”
When a girl is crying under the bed, I like to pretend I’m raping her in a cave.
They are going to ra…ah, take you.
I saw this movie about a month ago, I really liked it. Nothing that’ll blow your mind (or your pecker), but it’s a very entertaining revenge flick.
These movies are all bullshit. They never show the guy coming home to an empty house and quickly rubbing one out before calling the cops…
When a girl is crying under a bed, it’s usually because Pauly and Chodin are in it.
I also have a particular set of skills… They mostly involve being able to jerk off while my wife is in the shower.
“Amanda, I have to confess, you and I had a lot of fun when you were younger, but frankly, you don’t turn me on anymore. So I put a contract out on you. As soon as I drop you off at the airport, I’m going to the orphanage to pick up your replacement.”
You know, Denzel Washington looks a lot whiter than he used to, and Dakota Fanning grew up SO fast.
Wait, isn’t this an ad for the director’s cut of “Man on Fire”?
My ex wife was kidnapped once. I immediately sprung into action and sent the kidnapper a nice fruit basket.
I’m sorry, what does this have to do with Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
Kidnapping has gone so mainstream, what with the ransom demands and politics. I miss the days when it was just about the rape.
She probably just kidnapped herself.
I’m sorry, what does this have to do with Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
Kevin James will be staring in the sequel, who’s plot revolves around the main character’s landscaping business. “Rakin” opens Arbor Day, 2011.
Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
Every time I try to imagine Liam Neeson as a world-class badass, I think of the Qui-Gon Jinn hairdo and smile inside.
After his daughter is kidnapped does some hippy slacker type with the same name as Liam’s character have some goons show up and piss on his rug?
What? Too much of a stretch?
Also fuck you, I want to see this.
Erswi, you think the carpet pissers did this?
The last girl I kidnapped ended up developing Helsinki Syndrome. And a really fat ass.
Zero, you’re fucking killing me here.
JHC, Shut the fuck up. All I’m saying is those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing, I didn’t watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fuckin..
I was hoping Taken would be about a jeweler who makes really shitty necklaces for teenage Puerto Ricans.
I’m with Erswi on this. I’m looking forward to this film. The kidnappers end up pulling a train on her at some point, right? Wright? Write?
I thought “Taken” was going to be the story of my attempts to choose a new password and user name.
I might be jumping the gun here, but I’m giving it 2 toes up. With polish.
Is this also an allegory for the Holocaust or do I have to go see Hotel For Dogs again?
“Amanda, this next part is very important. You need to take off all your clothes.” “But dad…” “AMANDA! Just listen! Now. Have you done has I have told?” “Y-yes” “Good, now, these men are very dangerous, but they will find you, and then they will take you. Does that excite you?” “Dad…are you near a fan? ….uh, What are you doing right now?”
John Cena would have made an awesome Qui-Gon.
“I don’t know who you are, but one way or another, I’m going to find you, I’m gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha.”
“Fuck, I knew we shouldn’t have kidnapped Debbie Harry’s daughter”
The kidnappers are gay and just need Amanda hug and kiss.
I just saw this movie last night. I must say Liam Neeson is pretty hawt for an old Jedi. And plus he kicks it like Bauer.
He gained these particularly skills when he was a redneck from Kentucky, avenging his brother’s murder in Chicago in “Next of Kin.”
I gave this bollocks 30 minutes. How fucking creepy is Liam Neeson’s character’s obsession with his daughter. I’m surprised we didn’t see naked photos of her in that album he kept poring over… and Maggie Grace? If you thought her character was annoying in Lost, wait till you see this. A 25 year old playing a 17 year old as a complete fucking spaz.
Not sure what Luc Besson was up to here. Very anti-European. Maybe he wants to limit the number of American tourists visiting Paris?
Fuck this movie.