01.16.09 KEANU REEVES IN COWBOY BEBOP

That chick on the left has no tits.

I don’t think I want to see Theodore Logan get raped by an octopus

Now, William S. Preston, on the other hand…

I once contracted Spike Spiegel from a girl who went to ASU.

Haha. I want that Keanu Reeves Stock Jokes Catalog. Where do I send the check or money order? Can I get an extra one free (a $40 value) if I order now?

I do know something about anime. Enough to know that this is going to be a fucking awful live action movie.

Leon had better get fucking moving on that paper route if he’s going to earn the cash to bring a date to the premier of this one.

Keanu Reeves is 35 years old, isn’t it time to dump him for someone younger and/or talented? Especially in movies like this? I’m thinking maybe, you know, that one young actor who did that good thing that one time.

OK, basically, anybody else.

I much prefer the Native American Polka.

As part of his method acting, Keanu Reeves requests that his scripts be translated to brail, just to ensure that he has no idea what the fuck to do in any of his scenes.

*Keanu walks into audition*

Casting Director: “Ok, Keanu, what you got?”

*Keanu flips collar up on shirt*

Casting Director: “SOLD!”

Daddy Warbucks was my favorite part of ‘Anime’.

Alex Winter wants to know where he went wrong.

He also wants to know if you have any spare change.

^or odds jobs that need to be done around your house or yard.

‘Cowboy BeBop’ is my favorite country rapper.

This is like casting Stephen Hawking in a live action version of Mobile Suit Gundam.

I prefer to think of Anime as a French dude fucking a dog.

Wasn’t cowboy bebop the fuck action in Brokeback Mountain?

If you’ve ever seen the full Cowboy BeBop animated movie… you know that you’ve never seen a woman’s vagina for free.

Translation: The movie is boring as shit. If you sat through it, you must be very lonely.

If I am reading this right Keanu is going to play the Joe Biden role in Barackback Mounting.

At the start of a take, you have to shout “Motion” at Keanu Reeves.

What the hell did I just type? Mobile Suit Gundam? I need my meds bad.

Actually, Keanu is 45 years old. This uselss fact has been brought to you by the outcasts of WWTDD.com.

^oops, sorry, math was never my best subject.

Cowboy Bellhop brands your luggage before carrying it upstairs. He should stop that, it’s very annoying.

STOP FUCKING YOUR SISTER!!!

By himself, Cowboy Bebop isn’t that frightening. It’s when Indian Rocksteady joins in that you have serious trouble.

BTW, I defected from “over there” quite some time ago. Not like the current mass exodus. Ahead the curve, that’s me.

Actually, Keanu is no-one-gives-a-fuck-years-old.

Cowboy Bebop is what happens when the actors from Barney finish burning through the last of their savings.

Cowboy Bebop is cool and all, but I’m more a fan of Indian Rocksteady.

That should be Injun’ you racist sexhound.

More like Indian Rocksteady!

Fuck Donk – and there I thought I was a fucking genius for six seconds.
You always beat me to the golden dick.

More like Irishman Jig

Cowboy Bebop is what happens when Terrence Howard pretends to be Tex Ritter

Cowboy BeBop rolls into the local saloon in Hammer Pants I bet.

Nice tie ya soppy twat.

Chodski, I had to get quicker on the draw after you started playing “Crazy Ivan” That really hurts my dick when you do that. Fag.

Keanu’s happy trail lead right to his turd nozzle.

Cowboy Bebop is the jazz remake of Even Cowgirls Get The Blues.

Whatever Donk, what kind of a faggot makes TMNT references anyway? I mean, sure I did, but you did it first, so it wasn’t quite as gay when I dropped it…like the time we had that Thai boy in your dorm room and I fucked him first.

You may have fucked him first, but he was looking into my eyes the whole time and mouthing the words “Cowboy Bebop”.

The only way to signal Keanu Reeves to “cut” is with a pistol that shoots a “THE END” flag.

Wasn’t Cowboy BeBop a stripper before she wrote that stupid teen angst movie?

Keanu Reeves used to be Terri Schiavo’s stunt double.

If we had to have another live-action anime adaptation, I would have preferred Lindsay Lohan as La Blue Girl. Or Scarlett Johansson as Kekko Kamen.

Emile Hirsch would be perfect for this role. Ever since Speed Racer he’s been working in a comic book store and taking tons of acid.

“Reeves will take on the role of Spike Spiegel”

So now they’re trying say Keanu is Jewish? First the holocaust, now this–thanks a lot, Japan.

/Not a history major

Spike Spiegel directed She’s Gotta Have It, But Not At These Prices