KEANU REEVES IN COWBOY BEBOP
01.16.09
Keanu Reeves has signed on to play the lead in Fox’s live-action adaptation of Cowboy BeBop, a decision I would probably have lots to say about if I knew anything about anime.
Reeves will take on the role of Spike Spiegel, an adventurous bounty hunter traveling through space in 2071. Story follows the adventures of a group of bounty hunters traveling on their spaceship, the Bebop. [Variety]
I’m not sure what the hell that has to do with cowboys, but then, I don’t feel like reading all 8,000 words of the Wikipedia entry either. All I know is that with Keanu playing the lead I’m not sure it’s fair to call it “live-action”. But then, it certainly couldn’t be “animated” either. Get it? Because Keanu Reeves is a bad actor, you see. If you liked either of these jokes, check out my Stock Keanu Reeves Jokes catalogue, now just $18.95 plus shipping and handling.
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That chick on the left has no tits.
I don’t think I want to see Theodore Logan get raped by an octopus
Now, William S. Preston, on the other hand…
I once contracted Spike Spiegel from a girl who went to ASU.
Haha. I want that Keanu Reeves Stock Jokes Catalog. Where do I send the check or money order? Can I get an extra one free (a $40 value) if I order now?
I do know something about anime. Enough to know that this is going to be a fucking awful live action movie.
Leon had better get fucking moving on that paper route if he’s going to earn the cash to bring a date to the premier of this one.
Keanu Reeves is 35 years old, isn’t it time to dump him for someone younger and/or talented? Especially in movies like this? I’m thinking maybe, you know, that one young actor who did that good thing that one time.
OK, basically, anybody else.
I much prefer the Native American Polka.
As part of his method acting, Keanu Reeves requests that his scripts be translated to brail, just to ensure that he has no idea what the fuck to do in any of his scenes.
*Keanu walks into audition*
Casting Director: “Ok, Keanu, what you got?”
*Keanu flips collar up on shirt*
Casting Director: “SOLD!”
Daddy Warbucks was my favorite part of ‘Anime’.
Alex Winter wants to know where he went wrong.
He also wants to know if you have any spare change.
^or odds jobs that need to be done around your house or yard.
‘Cowboy BeBop’ is my favorite country rapper.
This is like casting Stephen Hawking in a live action version of Mobile Suit Gundam.
I prefer to think of Anime as a French dude fucking a dog.
Wasn’t cowboy bebop the fuck action in Brokeback Mountain?
If you’ve ever seen the full Cowboy BeBop animated movie… you know that you’ve never seen a woman’s vagina for free.
Translation: The movie is boring as shit. If you sat through it, you must be very lonely.
If I am reading this right Keanu is going to play the Joe Biden role in Barackback Mounting.
At the start of a take, you have to shout “Motion” at Keanu Reeves.
What the hell did I just type? Mobile Suit Gundam? I need my meds bad.
Actually, Keanu is 45 years old. This uselss fact has been brought to you by the outcasts of WWTDD.com.
^oops, sorry, math was never my best subject.
Cowboy Bellhop brands your luggage before carrying it upstairs. He should stop that, it’s very annoying.
STOP FUCKING YOUR SISTER!!!
By himself, Cowboy Bebop isn’t that frightening. It’s when Indian Rocksteady joins in that you have serious trouble.
BTW, I defected from “over there” quite some time ago. Not like the current mass exodus. Ahead the curve, that’s me.
Actually, Keanu is no-one-gives-a-fuck-years-old.
Cowboy Bebop is what happens when the actors from Barney finish burning through the last of their savings.
Cowboy Bebop is cool and all, but I’m more a fan of Indian Rocksteady.
That should be Injun’ you racist sexhound.
More like Indian Rocksteady!
Fuck Donk – and there I thought I was a fucking genius for six seconds.
You always beat me to the golden dick.
More like Irishman Jig
Cowboy Bebop is what happens when Terrence Howard pretends to be Tex Ritter
Cowboy BeBop rolls into the local saloon in Hammer Pants I bet.
Nice tie ya soppy twat.
Chodski, I had to get quicker on the draw after you started playing “Crazy Ivan” That really hurts my dick when you do that. Fag.
Keanu’s happy trail lead right to his turd nozzle.
Cowboy Bebop is the jazz remake of Even Cowgirls Get The Blues.
Whatever Donk, what kind of a faggot makes TMNT references anyway? I mean, sure I did, but you did it first, so it wasn’t quite as gay when I dropped it…like the time we had that Thai boy in your dorm room and I fucked him first.
You may have fucked him first, but he was looking into my eyes the whole time and mouthing the words “Cowboy Bebop”.
The only way to signal Keanu Reeves to “cut” is with a pistol that shoots a “THE END” flag.
Wasn’t Cowboy BeBop a stripper before she wrote that stupid teen angst movie?
Keanu Reeves used to be Terri Schiavo’s stunt double.
If we had to have another live-action anime adaptation, I would have preferred Lindsay Lohan as La Blue Girl. Or Scarlett Johansson as Kekko Kamen.
Emile Hirsch would be perfect for this role. Ever since Speed Racer he’s been working in a comic book store and taking tons of acid.
“Reeves will take on the role of Spike Spiegel”
So now they’re trying say Keanu is Jewish? First the holocaust, now this–thanks a lot, Japan.
/Not a history major
Spike Spiegel directed She’s Gotta Have It, But Not At These Prices
Anime is cool as loing as it’s porn. Other than that, kids shouldn’t beat off to it.
Spike Spiegel directed Do The Right Thing–Call Your Mother
To get Keanu to show emotion, you have to wave a DQ Dilly Bar in front of his face.
At my ex girlfriend’s junior prom, I Spiked the Spiegel.
In film school, we used to call Steven Spielberg, Kike Spiegel.
Whatever happened to that fucker? I think he shot himself with a speargun or something.
Spiegel was my favorite character in Rabbi of the Rings.
“Oy, my precious!”
I fucking hate the ‘Spike Spiegel’ channel. Just a bunch of Jews trying to throw each other into sleeper holds.
Spike Spiegel directed a comedy about two Jewish guys who star in a hit TV show dressed as Hassidic diamond merchants, called Schlemazeled.
Keanu believes that ‘acting’ is the same as ‘narcoleptic siezure’.
It’s pretty ironic that Keanu Reeves based his entire acting technique on Christopher, a guy with nearly the same last name. FACT.
Spike used to front an all-Jewish 80′s cover band called “A Flock of Spiegels”
Keanu Reeves has veal for face muscles.
All I know is that in 2071, Dog, his son, his XL-titted wife and the entire rest of his bounty hunting trailer park brigade had better be dead as shit.
(puts on “Dumb Ass, Dicklicking Anime Semi-Sorta-Fan Hat”)
Being quasi-familiar with anime, I see a lot of similarities with big problems many animes have and big problems movies with Keanu Reeves have.
First and foremost, and I may have expressed this opinion about anime before, anime is a googleplex times more concerned with style over substance. Look at the douche smoking the fag in the banner pic. In a single glance you know everything that will ever be expressed or revealed about that character. Let me summarize (and keep in mind I have never seen this anime…really!):
Spike is a rogue that plays by his own rules. His flawless hair and fashion sense make him irresistible to both sexes. He likes to smoke. He is surrounded by a crew of misfits that adore and follow him for no apparent reason. The longest sentence he ever spoke was four words.
And that’s it. Anime fans are over-obsessed with the slightest of physical features and expressions. You can find long, droning posts about how character A moves his eyes like such in certain situations, where character B moves their eyes like so. It is fucking ridiculous.
The creators try (and fail miserably) to add depth to their characters by doing one or both of two things:
1. Select at random some kind of behaviour quirk. (LOL, this guy eats his own boogers!)
2. Make the character have a dark past. (Rape, death, crime, poverty, daytime television.)
There is the anime formula for creating a character! See you at the wrist-slitting station!
Keanu Reeves has the worst case of Bell’s Palsey, ever.
So Fek, what you are basically saying is that with Reeves’ botox-user like ability to emote, he might actually be the worst possible person to be in this movie.
Not a bad thesis. That said, It could be said easier: Both Anime and Keanu Reeves are terrible. Therefore this movie should not be made. QED
Taking two hour nap at work trying to sleep off major hangover and getting paid for it > Filmdrunking and getting paid for it
Hey Fek, you alright man? Maybe I should carry the ring for a while!?
The Cowboy Bebop series is the exception to the rule for Anime. Just don’t watch the Bebop movie, it sucks.
Maybe this will be one of the few Keanu exceptions. I credit Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure with the time my girl dressed as socrates for halloween and tried to give me head with a beard on.
Right on, Fek.
Coming soon to ABC: James Spader and William Shatner play Jewish lawyers in an Irish-Catholic city.
Look for Boston Spiegel, this fall!
The Cowboy Bebop series is the exception to the rule for Anime.
Sorry, Lukbuster, but I’ve heard that too many times. “Don’t worry baby, this anime will be different than all the other times!” Then I’m sucked in and BAM! before I know it, tentacle rape and oversimplified characters.
new up, btk
(Also, you cannot trust anyone when they say “This anime is good!” unless it is “Fist of the North Star {well, OLD FOTNS} or “Ninja Scroll”. Period.)
Hey Fek, you alright man? Maybe I should carry the ring for a while!?
I know I pretend to get Hustla’d by comments here a lot, but I read this one while neck deep in a conversation (about Star Trek!) with the owner of the company and had to pretend I was having an asthma attack to cover.
Well played, sir!
Rock Strongo says:
So Fek, what you are basically saying is that with Reeves’ botox-user like ability to emote, he might actually be the worst possible person to be in this movie.
Quite the opposite! Anime fans will microscopically analyze Reeves. Even he cannot actually literally stop his atomic structure from moving. They will notate (and most likely lambaste in a fury) the smallest physical traits.
“Look! It’s night out and Keanu’s posture has his left foot forward. He is SO not Spike! KILL HIM!”
*cue anime fan with sword in crowded Japanese shopping mall*
That sound you heard was the screams of thousands of fanboys taking their own lives.
That sound you heard was the screams of thousands of fanboys taking their own lives.
Nope, just burrito night at the Feklahr house, again! QAPLAH!
Donkey, after I reread my post I realize that if somebody else wrote what I did, I’d feel the same. What sets me apart from those that recommend anime is that I wove in a bj story with my recommendation.
You wont get any argument from me though, as anime does have a surplus of tentacle rape. Anyway Mommy is here to pick me up she doesn’t let me wear my Dumb Ass, Dicklicking Anime Semi-Sorta-Fan Hat in the minivan.
ukbust, I definitely appreciated the bj story.
Fuck.