The poster for Jerry Bruckheimer’s Prince of Persia will appear inside Jerry Bruckheimer’s Confessions of a Shopaholic as background ads in Time Square, alongside ads for Jerry Bruckheimer’s G-Force, Jerry Bruckheimer brand colostomy bags and Jerry Bruckheimer douche nozzles. Okay, I may have made up those last two.
“It’s funny because I was watching the movie and we had ads for other films and I said, ‘Why don’t we put our own movies in here.’ It’s kind of silly to promote someone else’s movies.” [LatinoReview]
Touché, Jerry, touché. Bruckheimer went on to say:
* Prince of Persia (adapted from the video game) will definitely have parkour (seriously)
* He’s making a third National Treasure,
* He’s excited about The Sorcerer’s Apprentice with Jay Baruchel and Nic Cage
* Johnny Depp will play Tonto in a Lone Ranger movie, which will definitely have “a supernatural element to it”
* G-Force will be about talking guinea pigs but will have “something for everybody”
The interviewer was about to ask him about Pirates IV, when a slimy, morey eel-like creature sprang from Bruckheimer’s mouth and devoured the interviewer whole. He vomited up a puddle of foul-smelling black sludge before heading to a script meeting for CSI: Miami.
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Banner pic: The guy that touched {insert child’s name here} inappropriately.
Anytime I see him or hear him interviewed one phrase immediately springs to mind: dick bag.
@Fek–”insert child’s name” itself sounds inappropriate. And I know, for I was an insert child.
Did you know Persian’s came up with the concept of the “Aryan” race? So that guy who sell’s carpets at the flea market is gentically pure and your not.
@Destory–I am confiscating you’re apostrophes until further notice.
/Tuesday is meta-comment day.
I don’t know what being “gentically” pure is or what my not has to do with it, but Jesus Fuck, you’re awful.
I guess the Turkish guy selling footrests is doing his people proud as well?
I dunno Donkey, but that chick from Ceylon is kinda freakin’ me out.
Reading Jerry Bruckheimer’s comments are like hearing a six year old tell you about his dreams.
Fuckitall!! His remake of the classic Defender is gonna kick twat!
Just wait until the grabber alien snatches an astronaut and it gets shot and the astronaut falls and the Defender can’t catch him in time and he crashes through a hotdog stand that explodes!
It’s not the posters in Shopaholic that bother me. It’s the movie posters in Prince of Persia that piss me off.
If my six year old ever said shit like that Stone, I’d cup check his pinky dicked ass.
Hey fags, don’t miss my big screen debut as a member of a backwards assed Royal Family who rules over even bigger dipshits.
BARON OF BOHONKS
opens May, somefuckintime
Pictured: The last boss in famous first-person shooter game Bruckenheim 3-D
I cat wait for his Cat People remake with Winehouse in the lead.
I cat wait for scum to fucking learn to spell can’t.
He needs to increase his budget for the team that makes up Nic Cages hairpieces
Thanks for clearing that up, JHC. For a second there I thought it was Bruckheimer infiltrating George Romero’s set to “learn something new.”
Isla Fisher explodes at the end, right?
Wait. It was Donk. Sorry, guys. *waits to be berated by Erswi for not completely paying attention.*
*crosses fingers*
Did Bruckheimer also mention anything about a Bad Boys prequel starring Kenan Thompson and Anthony Anderson? Pretty please?
Jocker, If I wanted your help I would ax for it.
It’s okay Rexy. It’s easy to confuse Donk and me. He’s the one that isn’t circumcised, for future reference.
He said JOCKER!!! HAHAHAHAHAHALOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
You know who’d win in a steel cage/flaming dildo-sword death match between Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer ? Us.
*considers changing name of radio show to ‘Bohonk n’ Donk in the morning” *
I hope that LatinoReview shanks Jerry Bruckheimer and steals his pocket money and shoes.
Just think of the cost to replace all the stationary and billboards Donk! Plus you guys made me get Donk & J with C-Dog tatooed on my forehead, remember?!
I have an idea:
Let’s have J and Donk skip out of showers and deoderant for a week and have Crap judge on who’s BO is worse….
No dont, I am down wind from you guys.
Flame war on?
no.
Pauly-How can you even say shit like that wiff a
MexicanKlingon in da house?Won’t work, Pauly, they burned out my sense of smell with the pepper spray tasting bit.
I loved the 1998 Rape-Be-Gone.
Guys, we can all resovle this in a circle-jerk with a noob as the pivot man.
*winks at Crap and Fek, continues to beat off in Rexy’s shoe*
Wow, this thing really ran outta steam in teh P.M., no?
{fills a few piss boots, returns wink in accordance with rule #3 of the CJC. Starts wispering…}
…fresh fish… fresh fish…
Jimmy Hendrix did my h.
Jerry Bruckheimer looks like a skinny, decrepit Chuck Norris who can’t fight.
Fuck Mike for making me work.
Bohonk and Donk, with C-Dog sounds fucking sweet. Mostly because I could be on top for once.
*wishes he could pitch just once*
Is it really murder if I scare someone to death? With a hammer?
Johnny Depp as Tonto?
My favorite Injun is Billy from Predator.
My favorite injuns are the Hekawis from F Troop.
QAPLAH! (work safe)
failblog.org/2009/01/26/baby-needs-fail/
T2: Return of the Bruckenhymies
My favorite injun is T. Hawk from Super Street Fighter II.
Chiefly, because of his move “The Mexican Typhoon”.
My favorite injun is the Wankel Rotary Injun.
I don’t understand what any of this has to do with a naked Daniel Craig but I assume it was implied somewhere in your subtext explaining it’s presence in my head.
I also assume that everyone else is freezing their ass off on day 2 of stretchy pants week.
Can I get a warm piss boot with some marshmallows pleeeease?
I also like injunuity.
{Slides down piss boot with majik manmellows to elle0}
I know, I’m dying from the cold. 62 outside right now, and not gonna get over 70 for a week!!
Finally into stretchy pants… ah, memories. Now the fun really starts.
I’m just commenting cuz cupcake dog wanted to say heeeey.
The Nominatrix wonders why jokerswild doesn’t get called out for his spelling mistakes.
Unless it was a deliberate, post-internet “mistake” dripping in delicious irony, in which case the Nominatrix begs forgiveness.
And some change for the meter.
I love cupcake dog so much. Just give him a fucking cupcake you bitch, can’t you see he really really wants one?!?
These manmellows smell like asparagus! nom nom nom
My shoe? I love you too, Pauly.
You don’t love me…
You just love your squishy shoe.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GIVE THE MOTHERFUCKING DOG A MOTHERFUCKING CUPCAKE! AAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
*Pauly opens Laugh-In door in the wall*
Ya know what rhymes with “cupcake”?
OPEN COCK SORE!
*closes door*
The Nominatrix gives its dogs cupcakes all the time…
The “other” kind of cupcake, that is … you know, when you fart in your hand and throw it in someone’s face?
Fun times.
You don’t love me…
You just love your squishy shoe.
Nah, we just love your doggy-style…
[wearing a Groucho mask with comically large cigar]
So does ya mutha, El Top-o.
BOOSH!
I’m sorry, El Topo.
“Your Mother” jokes are so old and lame…
like your Mom.
Yeah, old and lame…Makes me wonder why your mom is single.
Not because your mom’s old and lame, but because she’s just fat and ugly.
Word to ya mutha…
What concerns me most, is that the youth of today are living off the excrement of our childhood. What happens when J-Bruck Junior goes to re-imagine (re-rape) what is already essentially insubstantial fecal run-off? The third iteration of Alvin & The Chipmunks will be remade with 300 Nic Cage clones, be a romantic comedy with “something for everyone”, have “a supernatural element to it” and feature a cameo by Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller, the original Starsky and Hutch. It will also be released the same weekend as ‘Star Wars Episode 7: Actually Luke was Black’.
Meanwhile where the f is my Care Bears movie?