Watch the trailer for Crank 2: High Voltage below. In the meantime, The Stath describes the action:
Oi, ‘appy Froiday, ya worfless cunts. ‘eah’s da new traila fa moy new movie, Da Transpor’a paht Crank: Da Deafrace. In da beginnin’, oy’s all loike, “Moy naime ees Chev Chelios…” an’ den you’s expectin me ta say “…an’ todaiy’s da day oy doy.” But a course oy didn’ doy, ovvawoise oy wouldn’ be maikin da fock’n movie, now would oy ya cunts? Anyway, in da movie, some Choinese cunts ‘as replaced moy ‘eart wif an art a fisho ‘eart, and da batt-ery only lasts one hour. So den oy’s only got one hour ta droive round in sazz wagons, go boatin, knob birds, punch out some Mexican blokes wif tattoos onna face, an foind da cunts dat ‘as stolen moy real ‘eart (which a course is made a gold, donnit). Ovva den dat, Oy knob an old woman, attach a sazz wagon battery to moy nippos, groind a bloody rail wif me sneakas, an’ finga blahst a cigarette loighta. Cunts is already sayin dat dis is da Staf’s most realistic movie eva.
<
[Trailer first showed up on IGN - more Crank 2 stuff there]








Just wouldn’t be a wonderful day in the FD neighborhood wiffout an update from da Stafe!
If there’s any doubt in your mind that this will be the greatest movie ever, go kill yourself.
Ladies, if that banner pic of Statham weirds you out a little, just pretend he’s pushing his finger onto your “love button” while showing you his OOHHH face.
Also of note is that there’s really only one difference between da Stafe and myself . . .
Stafe makes middle-aged, balding and uneducated . . . look real fuckin sexy!
If The Mighty Feklahr only had one hour left to live, He would savagely murder all of His remaining enemies*…with a chainsaw that runs on spite!
(*Marlene)
I wish the makeup was a little better, though.
I liked this movie better when it was called The Wizard of Oz.
If I had only one hour to live, I’d like to think I’d find some smoking hot chick that would let me violate her however I’d like.
The reality of it is, I’d probably just end up sitting on the couch playing X-box, trying to time it so I die simultaneously on Call of Duty and in real life.
Seriously, if that is the best storyline they could come up with, why bother with a plot at all? Fire the screenwriters and spend the money on stuntmen and exploding hookers.
Nice to see Chester Bennington taking time away from sucking.
So, if he had an hour left, and the trailer alone showed him needing more power at least 15 times, by my calculations this movie will be… 45 years long.
…by my calculations this movie will be… 45 years long.
I WISH!!!
J! where ya been? The ratings have been down this week.
Dick Cheney’s artificial heart runs on baby tears.
I like the pornographic implications of this movie. A man must masturbate to survive and extract his thick, meaty revenge in “Spank 2: High Friction”.
Did he say his name was Chev Chelios or Chester Cheetos? Cause a Chester Cheetos movie would be cool, yo.
Of course the iHeart battery is gonna fail. The terrible part is when everyone at the Apple store laughs at his Tiny Toons skin he got for it.
Roberto Mantalban’s artificial heart ran on Goya beans and El Paso taco sauce.
Sean Connery’s artificial heart runs on bitchslaps.
If Billy Idol’s ‘Shock to The System’ isn’t in this movie… that’s probably ok.
I guess ‘Kickstart my Heart’ would work too, but fuck Motley Crue.
Fucking Chinese hearts. When they put it in, you’re all like “Wow, that’s a great heart!” One hour later, you’re ready for another.
His “arti-fisho” heart has a battery that only lasts one hour? Oi, Stat, ur a perfect candidate for the Radio Shack Free Battery Club, you are!
Wow, the guys brought back the entire cast of Pathology. Is it wrong that I noticed it was Q doing the news broadcast in that insanity? Fek, I may have just OutTrekked you today. Mwahahaha.
They say the Heart of Rock n Roll is still beatin’.
Why the hell is this trailer making me want to finally rent Crank and possibly see this one in theaters? I think something’s wrong with me.
What the fuck is that in the main picture? His hand or his dick? It’s like he’s morphing into a mutant.