IRON MAN 2 LOWBALLS ROURKE, JACKSON
01.21.09
In a financial downturn, everyone feels the sting, even the rich, the famous, the clay-faced.
Then there is comeback kid Mickey Rourke, who is poised to follow his Golden Globe-winning performance in “The Wrestler” with an offer to play the main villain in “Iron Man 2″ — but at a lowball opening offer of $250,000 from Marvel; Marvel’s tactics have already prompted Samuel L. Jackson to swear off playing Nick Fury because of a similarly low offer. [Variety]
Sam Jackson makes 1200 movies a year. A quarter million isn’t enough? How many ex-wives does he have? I know it’s embarrassing to get paid less than you’re worth, but so is starring in Jumper. I like Sam Jackson, but let’s face it, his name doesn’t mean shit when it comes to selling the movie. For his part, it’s unclear whether Rourke has accepted his offer. My guess is he’ll take it, but begin tightening his belt. First step? Slashing his belt budget, ironically.
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That headline sounds kind of gay.
Fuck Sam Jackson. The only Nick Fury is the Hoff.
Hey, give Mick a break. It’s not like Botox grows in anaerobic, gram positive, spore-forming rods on trees.
Hmm? What’s that? Oh.
Oh no, now Nick Fury is going to have to be played by an actor! Gasp!
*checks overly sarcastic and unfunny comment box on to-do list*
The only low ball offers I get involve kneeling.
Sam Jackson’s Agent: Sam, they offered us a quarter million to be Nick Fury!
Sam: No
Sam Jackson’s Agent: Really? Are you fucking serious?
If Sam Jackson wants to get paid what he’s worth, he’d better get a giant fucking box to keep all the Albertsons coupons in.
The weird thing about Sam Jackson turning down the role of Nick Fury is that the only way the role could be more perfect is if the character was Nick Muthafucka
It looks like the review blurb on the poster behind Rourke says “Utter shit.”
They also offered to pay him in silk paisley scarves and torquois jewelry.
Yeah Rourke is gonna pass on it then go work at a deli counter eventually getting pissed off cut his thumb off on the meat slicer and take the part . RDJ is gonna beg him to call it off but he’s gonna climb to the top rope and jump as we hear Springsteen playing and fades to black. Damn the wrestler was fuckin awesome but i wish we could have sen him die in the ring that would have been the shit.
Mickey’s got very small nipples.
I don’t blame Jackson. I wouldn’t want to be snowballed either.
This role is beneath Samuel L. Jackson. You have to remember that he was in The Spirit. After finishing that work of art, doing a lowly comic book movie would discredit his entire career.
Oh and the funny thing about Sam Jackson passing on Nick Fury is they redesigned Fury to look exactly like Sam Jackson they made him black and everything now some white guy will get the part and some fan boy will be all like did you see they gave a white the Nick Fury part he’s black in the comics like some reverse Kingpin in DareDevil shit. Actually thats not the funny more like sad and depressing that I saw Dare Devil .
Give the part to Sasquatch and rename him Nick Furry.
Producer: “Sam, I really want you to be in this new project we’re working on.”
Sam Jackson: “Well are you gonna’ pay me what I’m worth?”
Producer: “Well yeah, I mean, not me personally, but this guy I know: he’s got a Nintendo Power Glove.”
There was only one movie where Sam Jackson being attached to it improved it’s sales, and that was Snakes on a Plane.
Some of Samuel L. Jackson’s assets in lieu of cash payment:
-Closet full of rubber snakes
-Locked briefcase with no key
-Christina Ricci
-Light up Lightsaber with motion activated sounds
-The term “Motherfucker”
-Crack
it’s=its. I’m a fucking idiot sometimes.
Damnit. The “a” was supposed to go after “fucking”, in which case, it should be “an”. Adjust appropriately on your own screen at home.
Is the Iron Man franchise relying solely on helping to revive otherwise fallen celebrities’ careers? Seriously, Andy Dick and Bronson Pinchot are forming their own support group.
Seriously?
Fluxy, please stop making mistakes. My computer screen is getting covered in white-out.
I always get nick fury when I cut myself shaving.
Fuck me.
Six months ago, Mickey Rourke would have done this film for a gift certificate to GNC and some dog treats.
Marvel: “Okay, okay fine, we GET it. Alright, what if the offer still stands at $250,000, but we fatten the pot with a BUNCH of Spiderman stickers?”
I would totally bang Michelle Malkin.
One of Rourke’s chihuahuas could do it. Just saying…there’s a lot of quality dog pics out there right now…a LOT.
YAY HOTEL FOR DOGS!!!
*cuts*
I want to have Michelle Malkin’s baby.
I WANT TO HAVE MICHELLE MALKIN’S LOVE CHILD!!!!
durst
*cuts*
To be fair the Iron Man budget has a large chunk devoted to the oxygen tanks needed to sustain Don Cheadle’s nostrils.
My 1st post. Hope it isnt to gay and racist.
Iron man took pictures of his lowballing of Rourke and Jackson and posted them on his MySpace in his “Tee Bag Hall of Shame” folder.
“Hope it isnt to gay and racist.”
Clearly you have never read the posts around here because there is no such thing.
Val Kilmer would play Nick Rivers for $250,000.
Val Kilmer would play russian roulette for $37.95 and a bag of pretzels.
“To gay and racist”
where no man has gayed and racisted bfore.
Before.
/Mistakes like this are why I cute myself
Av changed, just for you, Destoryer.
Has anyone seen where I put your awesome?
*puts back Michelle’s awesome on top of the toilet tank 3/4 used*
WooHoo! Al devoeted the trad av to somebodie othre then me!
Your awesome gave me a wicked rash.
the fuck is a Destoryer?
I have an excellent homiopathic salve dispenser for that rash. Where is it? {drops pants, hopes for right arm pit}
Michelle Malkin
erswi with the BOOOOOSH!!!
Kavin Bacon knows what a Destoryer is, but he’s only telling Kieth Ledger.
the fuck is a Destoryer?
Someone who deconstructs plotlines and puts them back together again with really shitty grammar.
The budget isn’t the real issue here, the main factor is the shooting schedule. See, Rourke can only film up until midnight, anything after that and he multiplies. And Jackson, he can only shoot after midnight, because that’s when the crystal meth really starts to fucking hit hard.
VaLince?
{Blocks out all times after midnight on schedule and writes in “Crystal Meth!!”}
Anyone seen Geroge Washingto recently? That fucker was over the other night and smoked all my Potomac.
Iron Man only made half a billion plus box office and a hundred million from dvd sales so it’s understandable that Marvel would need to cut costs. *rolls eyes* Cheeky cunts.
Mickey Rourke is a merchandiser’s dream. They could buy up every piece of molded rubber or plastic that fails quality control, draw a face on it, and there’s your Mickey Rourke action doll. They could use the fucking bins the offcuts are stored in.
Holy Shit!! “Destoryer”
That is the Old English way of spelling it. Get a green card and then tell me how to speek good.
Crosses Potomac – off list.
“That is the Old English way of spelling it.”
Yeah, I spell a ton of shit all fucked up when I’m hammereeerreeeeddddd.
Let me tell you a destory about Capri pants……
I’m wearing some.
It’s not that Rourke or Jackson felt disappointed that they were being lowballed, it’s just that they got all excited when they though they heard somebody said “8-ball”.
I speak ole engrish. I rub you Docta Jones!
p.s. “though” replaces “thought” in the future…a Chrysler-sponsored Terminator said so.
*shoots self in dick with spear gun*
Me no rikey.
“Then there is comeback kid Mickey Rourke”
They called me the “Cum-Backed Kid” in preschool.
When I was dealing with my kidney disorder, all the kids called me the “Cums Black Kid”.
“they though they heard somebody said”
Jesus Christ Cho, never though I’d be sending YOU to the corner.
Marvel low balled that “t” off of your “thought” Chod”.”
*smells fingers, pulls nose away quickly*
Sorry you gays, I think I’ve still got some misssoultaker all over my fingers…slippery shit, I tell you. Literally: slippery shit.
“they though they heard somebody said”
If you say it with a really, really, really thick drunken Irish accent, it almost turns into a nursery rhyme.
I once had sex with one of the President’s daughters. I was all like, “Cum Barack Kid”.
“they though they heard somebody said” Sounds Scouse to me, soft lad.
It’s nice of everyone to make Pants feel more comfortable by typing like fucking apes.
Rafael Nadal is a Capri pants distresser. He goes through five pairs a tournament.
Back in my high school wrestling days, I cheated using a move that earned me the nickname “The Thumb Crack Kid.”
I’m convinced that “shitty spelling” is an STD.
I once dated this chick who had a child. He’d always come to the door and watch us have sex. I started calling him the “Dumb Fat Kid”.
I once dated this chick who had a dog. She’d always come to the door and watch us have sex. Then she would hump the bed. I’d say stop humping the bed you dumb bitch, and she would, but the dog would just keep going.
I was humping the dog you see…b/c I’m perverted.
I once had sex with a busty, 60-year-old Thai prostitute. She encouraged me, “Cum on rack, Kid”.
Obama’s daughters? You mean the “Dumb-black-kids”?
I was once trying to stuff my balls into a dead chick’s butthole. I was getting really frustrated and started yelling at my balls, “Cum Sac, DIG!!!!”.
I once had sex with a bust. It was of Beethoven so naturally i fucked him in the ear.
I never had sex with a Thai prostitute but if I did, it would be on top of an elephant. I would film it and call the movie “On Rack: Thai Warrior”
In the heat of passion, A.C. Slater used to scream out, “Cum Zack, BIG!!!!”.
She would also have autism…yeah, that way it could play in art houses.
*thumbs to page 47 of the book “Things that rhyme with ‘comeback kid’ Vol. II”.
Our old club-house was called the Cum Shack.
We were called the Cum Shack Kids.
When I was young my father made me and my sister give him head so we named ourselves the “Cum-snack-kids”.
Whatchoo talkin’ bout Mr. D?
When my sister and I were young we would only get scraps from the dinner table so my mom called us the “crumb-snack kids.”
My little cousin once walked in on me bating. He asked what I was doing and I said, “Cum Whack, Kid. It’s called a Cum Whack”.
I used to fuck my vacuum cleaner. My parents called me the…”fucked up, youngest son”.
*chodin drags dead horse to edge of cliff, beats off one last time and then kicks horse down crag*
The first time my dad sodomized me and came on my back he said, “That’s some-crack-kid”.
My priest once booby banged sister Sarah in the confessional or as he later called it…his “nun rack sin”
That was our dog Hoover and you’re a terrible neighbor.
At band camp, all the kids called me “Mr. Pink Sock”
Chelle, it’s not like I didn’t “thank” the dog when I was done.
Ha ha Pauly,
you were Mr. Pink Cock…wait I think I misread that.
I think its cause there was blood in his semen?
At band camp, all the kids called me “Mr. Pink Sock”
You see cause my asshole prolapsed during a kayaking accident.
I hope that wasn’t to gay
Pauly, for some reason, that really grossed me out. Thanks for that. Pink sock. Eeewww…
You’re not the first female to tell me that in the last 5 minutes, Meghans_username.
The severity of the GAY…I guess it depends on how the accident occurred. Were you getting raped by a kayak and did it at any time say “Kayakitty yak don’t talk back?”
Pauly, I thought we started calling you Mr. Pink Sock after you and I rain danced all over that gutted chick’s stomach?
No way Chod.
You guys called me “Tummy Toes” after I wore her innards like some Nike Cortez with fat laces.
Fuck, that was a fun year at camp. Remember when you picked her up and threw her over your shoulders and then we all started screaming “TaTonka” and you pretended to stampede us?
Oh man! That was fun.
Remember when we had her up in that tree? Then when someone would walk by we would yell “Geronimo!” and drop her carcass on them. Good times.
You were kayaking, Pauly? I didn’t know you had a prescription for Valtrex.
Pauly: I kayak
Chodin: I don’t
Together: But we love fucking raw.
Ok I looked up pink sock on urban dic. You guys are disgusting. I’m calling both of your mothers.
Good luck with that, cocksauce. We don’t know who the real mother is.
Mr_Drummond,
Quit licking up Urban dick.
Love,
P.B. Dangerously VII
P.S.
Be more funny
Last time I got low balled I had testicular torsion.
Why would Samuel L. Jackson turn anything down? He has the best job ever.
1. Show up on set.
2. Yell obscenities, preferably “MOTHERFUCKER!”
3. PROFIT!
The Nominatrix has calculated that it is the probability of a distinct lack of “MOTHERFUCKER” in the Iron Man 2 script that has led to Samuel Leroy Jackson’s current stance on the project.
My current stance is about shoulder-width apart, to prevent chaffing.
Am I still caught in the net?
Yes–> Damn!
No—> WooHoo!