HEY GIRL, CHECK OUT THESE LINKS
01.28.09
This website has pictures of baby goose with words on them. Hey girl, I highly recommend it. [FYeahRyanGosling]
Neil Gaiman says a few words about Coraline, desperately trying to freak out the stoners. [TrailerAddict]
The Mutant Chronicles has a trailer. In related news, The Mutant Chronicle gave eating brains two stumps up. [ScreenJunkies]
Rehearsal video of Aretha Franklin’s understudy from the inauguration. Not to be confused with female squirt fetish actress Urethra Franklin. [LudditeAndroid]
A stadium built out of junk food. The city, meanwhile, is still built on rock n’ roll. [HolyTaco]
Seth Rogen’s Green Hornet was on, then it was off, and now it’s on again. Maybe. [Hitfix]
Mmm’yeah, new pictahs from Public Enemies, see? [FSR]
Sasha Grey stars in this new PG Porn. PG porn is my favorite kind of porn. Wait, no, chicks shitting. I meant to say chicks shitting is my favorite kind of porn. [Spike]
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In The Mighty Feklahr’s world, there is no spork.
I hope the exact same thing happens to the super bowl that’s going to happen to that junk-food stadium.
PG = Phallic Gagging?
Ryan Gosling’s sperm cured my Osgood Slaughters.
Ryan Gosling can order a Subway 5-dollar-footlong by just winking.
Ryan Gosling thinks “holding hands” is cheating.
Ryan Gosling’s box is so fucking full of Valentines.
Ryan Gosling peeks through his fingers during the scary parts.
Ryan Gosling thinks his nipples are “icky”.
Ryan Gosling took the cookie from the cookie jar.
Ryan Gosling fucks the daughter and then takes the retarded brother fishing.
Ryan Gosling sticks his straw through the bottom of Capri-Suns.
Because he’s a fucking rebel, that’s why!
Ryan Gosling will not eat pancakes that don’t have a funny face.
Ryan Gosling likes kitty porn.
Ryan Gosling got an A on the test, but felt guilty that Tony had such a hard time with the multiple choice section.
Here, Ryan Gosling made this mix tape for you.
Ryan Gosling handed me a note that said “Do U like me? (check one)……YES__ NO__”
Ryan Gosling prays that God will help him overcome “peeking” during grace.
Ryan Gosling is totally going to ask you to the dance.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t want to talk about her in that way; what they have goes deeper than just something physical.
Ryan Gosling wants to know where he can get the “edited” version of that song?
Ryan Gosling totally thinks your math teacher is a cunt for assigning you problems on homecoming weekend.
Ryan Gosling has never lost a game of Mall Madness.
Ryan Gosling hopes your dad doesn’t get the wrong impression from his Henna tattoo.
Ryan Gosling is totally not moving the slider over the Ouija board, you are!
Ryan Gosling felt bad for the dog, but knew that it was safest for the neighborhood if he called the pound.
Ryan Gosling would love to babysit this Saturday night!
Ryan Gosling called. He wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry he said your spunk tastes like balsamic vinegar.
Ryan Gosling hates you addiction to caffeine pills and thinks you need some rest.
What? Im not allowed to play with you guys. Okay, then fuck you.
Ryan Gosling offers friendly advice on how to treat hemorrhoids.
Ryan Gosling shakes the hands of Santa’s helpers from the salvation army as he donates $20.
Ryan Gosling wants you to know that it’s going to be ok. He cried during The Notebook, too.
Ryan Gosling just wants to be friends. He thinks of you like a sister.
Ryan Gosling is upset about your grandmothers death.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t like dreadlocks, but respects your decision to have them.
Ryan Gosling wants to go to Target and set off all the Tickle-Me Elmos at once and run away before store security catches you.
Ryan Gosling wishes you would quit wacking off to throat fucking porn.
Ryan Gosling highly suggests you read ‘The Boxcar Children #3′ once he’s finished with it!
Ryan Gosling wants to have a perfume fight in the beauty section of Wal-Mart.
Ryan Gosling will be the bigger person and forget what you said about his girlfriend’s hips.
Ryan Gosling washes his hands after he masturbates.
Ryan Gosling will have a Zima, please.
Ryan Gosling just sent you an E-card. Happy Birthday!
Ryan Gosling thinks you have a sturdy enough base for tuba playing in the marching band.
Ryan Gosling is someone i’m not really familiar with. Who’s the chick with the beard?
The steampunk stuff in The Mutant Chronicles was alright. Otherwise as predictable a story about a group of disparate individuals setting off on a quest to slay the monster as you’d ever see.
Ryan Gosling is not afraid to admit that he has a bunch of Josh Groban on his iPod.
Ryan Gosling serves food at the local shelter every Tuesday. It’s ok, he’ll study for that test later, these people have needs.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t like your girlfriend, he thinks you need a new one.
Ryan Gosling prefers vanilla cone candles over scented pine, but you can light whichever you’d like.
Ryan Gosling’s favorite day is Caturday.
Ryan Gosling appreciates it when you read to him.
Ryan Gosling thinks your new Rachel Bilson ‘do is totally “fetch”.
Ryan Gosling was going to make you coffee, but wasn’t sure if you preferred regular or decaf, so he made you pancakes instead.
Ryan Gosling would totally love to pose for a picture with you and your son!
Ryan Gosling thinks every woman should celebrate their period.
Ryan gosling wishes he could volunteer for your involuntary spasms.
Ryan Gosling’s favorite wine is whatever you want to drink.
Ryan Gosling is glad you flew out to visit, but out of respect for your boyfriend, he will sleep on the couch tonight.
Ryan Gosling finally earned that one Merit Badge he was talking about!
Ryan Gosling will kill your father if he lays one more hand on you.
Ryan Gosling thinks that’s a great design, but is worried that the pumpkin will look too scary once you put the candle in it.
Haha, it was Ryan! Ryan Gosling was the one who took all of the green M&Ms out of the bowl.
Gretchen, stop trying to make “fetch” happen.
Ryan Gosling simply cannot WAIT for the “Twilight” sequel!
Ryan Gosling would *love* to come over and feed your cats while you’re out of town.
When Ryan Gosling gets cold, he shows you his “Big Me Bumps” on his forearm.
Ryan Gosling realizes that things seem bad right now, but wants you to know that they could be worse.
Ryan Gosling thinks you should “stay sweet.”
Here, let Ryan Gosling first lay his jacket on the ground for you.
Ryan Gosling wishes he had a hundred kidneys to donate.
Ryan Gosling hopes you realize that the yellow roses he gave you symbolize friendship and nothing more.
Ryan Gosling knows that your grandmother is getting old and just wants you to know that it’s cool if she wants to continue calling him “Shep”.
Ryan Gosling literally gasped at every racial slur in “Gran Torino”.
He did think the word “pusscake” was kinda cute, though.
Ryan Gosling will just put it in a little, to see if you like it.
Ryan Gosling hates your hair weave and wishes you would show more pride in your heritage and go natural.
Ryan Gosling thinks your curves are beautiful.
Ryan Gosling squeals with glee at, well, everything really.
Especially this:
http://animal.discovery.com/tv/puppy-bowl/starting-lineup/starting-lineup.html
Ryan Gosling could fuck a smile across Teri Shavo’s face.
Ryan Gosling wishes that the ringmaster would stop yelling at the elephants.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t know who defaced his “Hang In There Baby” cat poster with a monocle and mustache, but wants whoever did it to know that he’s very disappointed in you.
Ryan Gosling LOVES the sweater that your parents gave him!
Ryan Gosling sits down to pee.
Really!? That’s Ryan Gosling’s favorite color too!
Ryan Gosling carries around matches in case you, you know, have to do your doody in someone else’s bathroom.
Ryan Gosling would like to apologize for what the cowboys did to all those Indians.
Ryan Gosling would not like any drugs, thank you, but thinks you may need to reevaluate your life choices. He’s here if you need to talk.
Ryan Gosling would like to give you a foot massage. You look like you’ve had a hard day.
Ryan Gosling will feng shui the fuck out of your apartment.
Ryan Gosling would be delighted to take your granny to church.
Ryan Gosling blushes every time he farts. Even in the bath.
Excuse me, Ryan Gosling is trying to merge over to the exit. Thank you.
Ryan Gosling has 2 penises, one is inverted.
Ryan Gosling knows someone who would be just perfect for you.
Ryan Gosling thinks that we should maybe turn this down a little, just in case we need to hear an ambulance.
Ryan Gosling has nips that smell like chapstick.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t think it’s weird at all that you have two vaginas.
Ryan Gosling would like to pass on a soda with his meal. He’ll be up all night if he doesn’t.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t make wishes, he makes goals.
Ryan Gosling just wants to be BFFs.
Ryan Gosling wants to know if you want his last Rolo.
Ryan Gosling thinks the hood on your sweatshirt makes you look mysterious.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind at all that you are finding this very therapeutic.
When Ryan Gosling dances you can hear his tic tacs.
Ryan Gosling always carries extra tissues in his bag and not just in case you need to bust a nut.
Ryan Gosling suggests you stop running through the halls or he’ll be forced to write you up.
Ryan Gosling is suspicious that his friends are cheating when he calls “fish out of water”.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t know why everyone is listing nice things he’s done on a movie blog, but it makes him warm and fuzzy inside, so thank you.
Ryan Gosling thinks you have a fat ass.
Ryan Gosling sees that some people don’t get this game, but hey, at least you’re trying, and that’s what really matters.
Ryan Gosling was the “Go-fish” champion at his summer camp in ’08.
Ryan Gosling answers the phone “Pong”
Ryan Gosling realizes that your grandmother could pass at any moment tonight, and that’s why he wants you to leave the dance early. It’s cool, he’ll dance with the guys.
Ryan Gosling says “No way! You’re just big boned and that means there’s more of you to love”.
Ryan Gosling wants to Eskimo kiss your pussy’s clit.
Ryan Gosling thinks the pooper scooper you bought him for Christmas was not only thoughtful but very practical too.
Ryan Gosling’s ringback tone is “Walking on Sunshine”.
Ryan Gosling hopes that nobody saw him back up over that potted plant.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind putting a pillow between you two when you sleep over.
Ryan Gosling would like to confess that he’s the one who rang the doorbell that one night back in ’95.
Hey guys, don’t worry. Ryan Gosling will cover the bill tonight. He’s just glad you were all able to make it to dinner.
Ryan Gosling would never tear out your endocrine system and wear it as a hat.
That’s just impolite.
Ryan Gosling wants you to know that he didn’t mean to be racist. He was just young and had never met an individual of “color” before.
Ryan Gosling has an extra ticket to see Yanni if you’re game.
Ryan Gosling will look after your phone while you’re drunk so you don’t make any embarrassing calls.
Ryan Gosling really wants you to know that he’ll be at the party later to give you all rides home.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind jacking off in his car on the way home from your house because your “not ready” yet.
Ryan Gosling thinks you should wear a bra.
Ryan Gosling thinks we should take a cab home. We can always pick up the car in the morning.
Ryan Gosling just wants to hear you breath over the phone.
That’s all.
Ryan Gosling says “Baby rape jokes are repulsive” and that you should seek out Christ.
Ryan Gosling posts on Filmdrunk as “Patty Boots”
Ryan Gosling wants to get to know you first.
Ryan Gosling wants you to wake him up before you go-go.
Ryan Gosling jacks off with latex gloves on.
Ryan Gosling doesnt mind that you fucked the entire varsity baseball team during your sophomore year but now you want to “wait until your married”.
Ryan Gosling would like to wish you “the best of luck” on auditioning for the same role.
Ryan Gosling LOVES silly socks.
Ryan Gosling is going to stick a finger against your lips when you try to say something on the front steps at the end of the night.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind missing “guys night out” to go see Bride Wars.
Ryan Gosling will help you with you with your homework, but don’t worry, he won’t tell anyone you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
Ryan Gosling will take another Zima, but this time, can you put a Jolly Rancher in it?
Ryan Gosling would really like to ask these guys to keep their voices down, but is going to take the high road and do nothing.
Ryan Gosling KNITS silly socks, but would appreciate it if you didn’t jack off into his again.
Ryan Gosling will open the door for YOUR girlfriend.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind that you used a joke someone else already said. Five pages is a lot of comments to read.
Ryan Gosling is thinking about turning himself in for downloading all of those songs off Limewire.
Ryan Gosling asks if you could please keep the music down, he’s trying to watch “Bolt”. Thanks.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind you placing your hand underneath your chin to find out how many syllables there are in a word.
Ryan Gosling won’t give up on trying to teach his dog to read without a stutter.
Ryan Gosling thinks I’ll feel better if I go to the gym.
Ryan Gosling gives a hoot and doesn’t polute.
Ryan Gosling frowns when you leave the toilet seat up. He’ll open a window too, “Just to let some fresh air in.”
Ryan Gosling drives a Toyota Prius Hybrid.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t understand why you’d chew gum that didn’t whiten your teeth.
Ryan Gosling thinks James Blunt is the bee’s knees.
Ryan Gosling says that just because you only have one breast, it doesn’t make you any less of a woman.
Ryan Gosling likes to hang out with gay people and not just when he wants a rim job.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind talking to your little brother about drugs.
Ryan Gosling would like it if people would respect his privacy, but understands the curiosity of the public and accepts his personal matters being known publicly, as that is a sacrifice he decided to make to be a celebrity.
Ryan Gosling thought “The Fat Boys” was such a terrible name for such a gifted group of young men.
Ryan Gosling thinks pregnant women are beautiful.
Ryan Gosling is concerned, did you hear a kitten outside? He sounded lost.
Ryan Gosling can’t wait for the Tintin movie!
Ryan Gosling believes that tears let the bad feelings out, and he has two shoulders available.
Ryan Gosling realizes you were drunk when you and you’re friends chained him to a radiator and submitted him to a humiliating bukake session and he forgives you.
Ryan Gosling will write a note to his roommate with a Sharpie….
in every fucking color they come in.
Ryan Gosling thinks Zack and Miri Make A Porno is a crude name for a movie. Children may read that!
Of course Ryan Gosling will be the designated driver for your 29th birthday.
Ryan Gosling wishes you would recycle those empty beer cans but understands if you don’t want to and will dig them out of the trashcan after you have passed out.
Ryan Gosling feels guilty having such a great time, when all of these animals are on exhibit behind those fences.
Ryan Gosling is the world’s leading authority on frogs. Toads, on the other hand, can go fuck themselves. WHAT’S THE POINT OF FUCKING TOADS WHEN WE’VE GOT FROGS?
/Viz
Ryan Gosling would love to walk you across the street ma’am.
Carry your groceries?
Ryan Gosling wants you to know that you’re “better than this” and that you don’t need to dance for the money.
Ryan Gosling wishes you would drop the passive-aggressive act and just talk to him.
That Tom and Jerry cartoon where the newly hatched duckling is convinced that Tom (or maybe Jerry – i can’t fucking remember)is its mom, well Ryan Gosling had a goddamn nervous breakdown when he saw that.
Ryan Gosling wants you to know that unicorns really do exist, as long as you believe.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t want to condone stereotyping, but he really appreciates the great work of his family’s Mexican gardener.
Ryan Gosling feels obligated to tell you that he once had a “sex dream” about your girlfriend…for a week straight.
Ryan Gosling stubbed his toe and yelled “Fudgy Fishsticks!”
Ryan Gosling gave his PB&J sandwich to a homeless person that sells newspapers.
Ryan Gosling was totally NOT looking at your breasts.
Ryan Gosling would love to hear all about the dream you had last night.
Ryan Gosling won’t put the car in drive until you put on your seat belt. Safety first!
Ryan Gosling felt *really* bad about that unintentional boob-graze.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind if you double post. Accidents happen.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind if you double post. Accidents happen
Ryan Gosling gave cupcake dog the cupcake.
He couldn’t bare it anymore.
Ryan Gosling is going to go out on a limb and do something outrageous. He’d like to sing karaoke to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”.
Yes, bare.
‘The fuck you think this is, a zoo!?!?!?
Ryan Gosling wishes the media would stop focusing on Jessica Simpson’s weight, and write about all the joy she’s brought the world instead.
Ryan Gosling stops and counts to ten when he gets angry.
Ryan Gosling feels like a piece of shit today, but is convinced that it’s just his upset stomach.
Ryan Gosling has “TGIF” on his Facebook status.
All. Fucking. Week. Long.
Ryan Gosling reassures you that nothing is there, but will leave the door open a crack anyway.
Ryan Gosling thinks you should have the last slice of whole grain pizza.
Ryan Gosling utilizes his time efficiently and productively while at work. It’s not the raise that he’s hoping for, but the respect and affirmation of his peers.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t “get” lowriders.
Ryan Gosling wants you to know your Chevy Tahoe is putting toxic fumes into Mother Nature’s atmosphere.
Ryan Gosling tried pot once but it got him sick for 3 days.
Ryan Gosling was at the Presidential Inauguration and is pretty sure that Obama waved right at him…I mean, it could have been the guy right behind him, or the dude to the left, or that girl in the purple, but he’s pretty sure that it was he who got to share the moment.
Ryan Gosling is going to read this thread for courage to try out for that controversial, rapist role that he believes was really well written. He feels it’s time to expand his image.
Ryan Gosling has a Scrappy Do lunch box.
Ryan Gosling would like to congratulate everyone for making this thread nine pages long! You guys earned it!
Ryan Gosling wants to know if he should bring any snacks to your super bowl party on sunday.
You can hit Ryan Gosling all you want, but he’ll just continue to get cuter.
Ryan Gosling is going to be the bigger man and walk away.
Jesus Christ, Mr_Drummond. Are you a fucking idiot? Everyone knows that Ryan Gosling wouldn’t ask that, he’d just simply bring them.
And in case you were wondering, they’re going to be pigs in a blanket! Yummers!
Ryan Gosling’s parents are the Tooth Fairy and Dr. Suess.
Ryan Gosling is super embarrassed that all those pebbles were thrown at your brother’s window!
Ryan Gosling wanted to ask before hand if it was ok to bring weiner-wraps in case there were going to be any vegetarians at the party that might be offended by said offering. bitch.
Look, try to understand that it’s not “you”, it’s Ryan Gosling.
Don’t worry, Mr_Drummond. He’s already going to also bring tofu piggies in blankies. You should try one. Ryan Gosling really thinks you won’t be able to tell the difference.
Ryan Gosling thinks it’s nothing that braces couldn’t fix.
When the going gets tough, Ryan Gosling makes lemonade.
Just in case, Ryan Gosling has a spare condom. Be safe, bro.
Ryan Gosling can totally see the 3D image in the poster. You just have to kinda’, you know, not look directly at it.
While a bake sale will help, Ryan Gosling thinks we should also do a car wash this weekend just to make sure we get enough donations. If we go over, celebratory ice cream for everyone! (Or sorbet in case you’re lactose intolerant.)
Ryan Gosling doesn’t mind your big brother is gay.
Ryan Gosling is a Norwegian traitor.
Oh wait, that was Vidkun Quisling. My bad, Ry-bread.
Star light, star bright, first star that Ryan Gosling sees tonight…
Ryan Gosling says that Gerald Posner is just as God made him, and God don’t make no junk.
Ryan Gosling “wuvs” his Snuggie.
Ryan Gosling gave you a gold star for the day.
Ryan Gosling stills wears his “I voted today” sticker.
Spike Gosling directed Do the Right Thing–Seriously You Guys!
Ryan Gosling wants to advise you to not eat uncooked rice. It may cause intestinal discomfort.
Ryan Gosling has a Snoopy Pez dispenser on his person at all times.
Ryan Gosling thinks you should mind your manners.
Ryan Gosling will have 1 more Zima and call it a night.
Ryan Gosling lives PG Porn. “Um, if the problem is in the kitchen, why are you leading me to the bedroom? Silly!”
Ryan Gosling will babysit his es-girlfriend’s kid while she goes out on a date.
Ryan Gosling admires your bustier, but you should put on a sweater–it’s January!
es-girlfriend?
I type in lisps.
Ryan Gosling thinks that’s thuper!
Ryan Gosling says “Cool Beans!”
Ryan Gosling thinks his yogurt is “Show Shopping” good.
“Shoe Shopping”
I hate myself
Ryan Gosling wants to be Jim the Goose when he grows up.
But preferably not burnt to a crisp.
Ryan Gosling secretly wishes the Nazis’ silly walk was nicknamed the “turkeystep” instead.
And then his favorite X-rated prank could be the “goose slap”.
It’s ok CapriPantsDestoryer, Ryan Gosling gives you an “A” for effort.
Ryan Gosling knows a Durst when he sees one, and he crosses the road to avoid any accidental contact.
Ryan Gosling blew your brother last night, but just to be nice.
Haha, nice try: Ryan Gosling isn’t falling for THAT ONE again!
Ryan Gosling knows you brought weed to his party and is politely asking you to leave.
Happy Birthday, Ryan Gosling totally named a planet after you, babe.
Ryan Gosling can’t figure out what your two fingers smell like!?
Look, Ryan Gosling wants to have sex tonight, it’s just that he thinks “doggy style” is a bit degrading, that’s all.
Ryan Gosling prefers spooning.
Ryan Gosling smiles politely, and says no, he’s not the Van Wilder guy, but it was sweet of you to enquire.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t want to pressure you into “dating”–let’s all go as a group.
Ryan Gosling wants to wait until he’s married.
Ryan Gosling can’t skinny dip, he just ate.
Ryan Gosling says that picture is going up on Myspace, like, NOW!
Ryan Gosling is organizing a big concert to help raise funds to save the rec center.
Ryan Gosling faked an asthma attack on the night of the school’s production of Mask so that Fugly Johnny could have a moment in the limelight.
11 fucking pages?!?!
Ryan Gosling wants me to meet his parents.
Ryan Gosling was the kid that didn’t have cool toys, so he always wanted you to share yours or he’ll tell his mom.
Ryan Gosling has to go home when everybody starts talking dirty about girls.
Ryan Gosling would like to thanks his parents – Mother Goose and Chicken Fucker – for all their support and encouragement.
That ‘s’ is an optical illusion. If you stare at it long enough, a zombie ghost appears.
Ryan Gosling sincerely apologizes when he moves your pawn back to “start” when playing Sorry!.
Ryan Gosling wears pajama bottoms with the feet on them.
Ryan Gosling will always be there to hold your hair.
Ryan Gosling lives “above the influence”.
Ryan Gosling cannot wait for Confessions of a Shopaholic.
Ryan Gosling loves texting on his new keyboard phone.
Ryan Gosling holds protests at Girls Gone Wild tapings.
Ryan Gosling thinks those open-toed sandals totally compliment your pedicure.
Ryan Gosling will always let you win the pillow fights.
Ryan Gosling thought Veggie Tales was the perfect date movie.
There’s no shame in showing up to the thread 6 hours late. Ryan Gosling understands that you were in classes all day.
Ryan Gosling will watch Lost with you…
through the little crack between his fingers.
Ryan Gosling will never say “I told you so”.
Ryan Gosling still has nocturnal emissions. That’s normal right?
Ryan Gosling thinks Hugh Grant is too threatening to be in rom/com’s.
Ryan Gosling thinks 12 pages is perfect. 6 for you and 6 for me!
Ryan Gosling believes more than anything in the whole wide world that an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Ryan Gosling thinks 3AM is much too late to be up on a school night. Off to bed, you!
But Ryan Gosling will totally stay away if you need some pillow talk.
*Awake. Forgive my drunken Durst.
What Would Ryan Do?
Ummm . . . WTF? I have to really work for one fucking afternoon and you bastards take it to 12 pages?
Damn.