You’re in luck, Drunkards.  This week’s winner AND runner up both get a prize, the two-disc DVD edition of Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno (IN STORES FEBRUARY 3RD), and a Zack and Miri poster signed by Kevin Smith himself, that tubby motherf-cker. And to everyone who didn’t win, buy the DVD so I don’t look bad.  4 out of 5 of today’s leading scientists say it will cure your scabies.

As always, the way this works is, when a commenter makes a comment worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of this post.  I’LL pick the winner from among the nominees next Sunday/Monday. The winner [usually] gets a sweet prize.  (FYI, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

And as always, we start with the honorable mentions.  Read on to the end for the winner.  First, from the Robert Mapplethorpe Biopic post, MaxwellDemon gives me Tommy Boy flashbacks:

MaxwellDemon says, “They could just shove the whip up the audience’s ass and call it Indiana Jones IV.”

Meanwhile, in the racially edgy department, Cross Country Heat (one of the weirder commenter schticks we have around here – and that’s saying something) on the Gran Torino review:

Cross Country Heat says, “The N-bomb? This movie was so racist against Asians it was only missing the H-bomb.”

And you gotta love how RoboPanda expressed the joy we all felt when Black Dynamite got picked up for distribution on Martin Luther King Jr. Day:

RoboPanda says, “I just overcame.”

Some great comments are short.  Others are long but inspired.  Like Pauly Dangerously in the Axe Sponsors Sundance thread:

*Pauly opens AXE diary, writes . . .*
Today I holla’d at some chick and she totally ignored me. So I says to the bitch, I says “It’s ok, I’m going to beat-off to you later anyway” and gave myself a knuckle crack. Then I went to the gym and tried hard not to get caught staring at the guys’ dongs in the shower. Tonight, I’ll be doing Jäger Bombs at Maloney’s and trying to get some breazy to come back to my house for some Rockband and Totino’s Pizza Rolls.

It was the Totino’s Pizza Rolls that really put it over the top for me.  From the “funny ’cause it’s true” files comes Nominus in the Mapplethorpe Biopic, which Eliza Dushku “literally finalized this week.”

Nominus says, “I bet it would be more accurate to say that they illiterately finalized the deal this week.”

From the Chrysler Sponsors Terminator 4 thread:

Chodin says, “I’m f-cking glad to see this franchise is finally tying up loose ends in their story structure. That was my whole issue with T3. I was like, ‘Okay, a robot is trying to kill these dudes…annnnd, why don’t they just get a P.T. Cruiser?’ .”

And from the Academy Award Nominations thread:

Mark It Zero says, “Angelina Jolie has already applied to adopt Heath Ledger’s statue so it won’t grow up an orphan.”

Jay Leno has applied to steal that joke.  Well done.  Likewise, 50 Cent Teams up With Nic Cage for The Dance was sure to generate some solid comments:

Stinky Peet says, “Beats! BEATS! NO, NOT THE BEATS!!!”

And Chodin astutely points out:

‘The Dance’ is an anagram for ‘Cent Head’.

Whoa.  In Benjamin Button May Not Earn Out:

Rotwangchung says, “This movie didn’t lose money. It made money backwards.”

Cross Country Heat gets on the board again in Amy Fisher is in a Porno (I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect much from this character at first):

Cross Country Heat says, “Ol’ CCH would rather see a sex tape of Mary Jo getting some lovin’ in her head hole.”

Indubitably.  So that brings us to the prize winners.  Second place, in the Tom and Jerry Movie thread:

Pauly Dangerously says, “Remember that Tom and Jerry where Jerry would burn Tom on the back of his neck with cigarettes and hit his Mom?”

And the grand prize goes to (and I had to nom this one myself), Donkey Hodey, in the Gran Torino Review thread:

Donkey Hodey says:
we’ve raised a generation of guys like me who can’t tell their asshole from a butter knife

That’s easy, a butter knife is for spreading… oh God, you’re right!

Thanks again to everyone – Donk please send me your address and tell me whether you’d like the DVD or the poster.