COLIN HANKS STILL LACKS REAL JOB
01.26.09The full trailer for the Great Buck Howard recently hit the web, and it features Steve Zahn AND Colin Hanks! Together! At last! In fact, not only is Hanks, that lurky, lumpy ball of pasty awkwardness, the main character, he gets to make it with Emily Blunt. F-ck you, Hollywood.
Colin Hanks’ favorite pickup line? “Hey, does this smell like chloroform?”
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fucking colin hanks, first he stalks and rapes Ana claudia Talancon in that other shitty movie and now he has sexual relations with Emily blunt in this shitty movie, life is a half empty balloon of jenkem :(
Adrian Zmed Jr. won’t even hang out with Colin Hanks.
Behold teh wonderment as Bex single-handedly (b/c he’s batin’ with the other hand) resurrects Jenkem from the lexi-convalescent home!
I’m supposed to pay attention to this fuck because he came out of Rita Wilson’s snatch and has 50% of Tom Hanks’ DNA?
Colin Hanks’ middle name is “Nepotism.”
Great, The Mighty One has no idea who either of these rejects are!
Jellybean Tempo Monk :(
BONG!!!!
Get me a Whopper!
DURST!
Birthday Dog!
Dor sho gha!
Lisa Rinna!
Fifi!
Cock torch!
Penis splint!
Bruce Greenwood!
Fek, I was gonna call you out for overdoing it on that one, until I saw Bruce Greenwood.
Well done.
“I don’t know what you’re doing here.”
Neither do we, Tom. Neither do we.
After pasting my girl’s thighs a few times before even getting to the fuzz, I became the Great Fuck Coward.
Another favored Colin Hanks pickup line: Hey, my dad was in Big. Take out the “in” and you’ve got me.
I always hoped a movie called Great Buck Howard would star John Candy, Dan Aykroyd and an alien duck.
Colin has a real job. Just a shame it ends up all over his face every night.
You know who else can put rooms full of people to sleep like that?
Benjamin Button.
Fek – did you say Lisa Rinna? The last time I saw her she was posing for a photo shoot with Tom and Colin Hanks. The photo caption read “What hot dogs are made of”.
See, Lince? Lisa Rinna!
(chatzy shout out)
Whose dick does my mom have to suck for me to get a lead in a movie.
Oh, Tom Hanks, ok.
*chodin enters FilmDrunk video store, approaches Drunkard at front desk*
Hi, um, where’s the “dicks” section?
I’d still fuck him.
I already saw this movie back when it was called something else.
Steve Zahn has the classic “Hobo” face.
My aunt really enjoys Colin Hanks.
My aunt is also a dumb bitch.
Colin Hanks is like the kid at Subway who puts your 5-dollar-footlong on Sourdough, even though you specifically told the fucker you wanted Wheat…
…toasted.
Colin Hanks’ next role should be in my high school locker.
I have $5 that says John Malkovich’s hair gives a more credible performance than Colin Hanks.
Colin Hanks before a date–”Dad, can I borrow the (Os)car?”
Colin Hanks may not be able to whoop my ass but he will take my rook.
Colin Hanks is a Starbucks Barista.
Colin Hanks makes me miss stabbed babies.
Written and Directed by Seth McGinty. Soon to be known as “The other McG.”
I want to hit Colin Hanks so fucking hard with a rolled up Sham-Wow.
Nic Cage’s kid makes Tom Hank’s kid look like Bruce Willis’ kid.
Soon to be known as “The less-talented McG.”
But Nic Cage’s kid looks like Nathan Explosion.
@Nominus–I think it’s “Hanks’s” and “Willis’s.”
/Apostrophe Now
Colin Hanks needs a strong feature more than a Kia.
I knocked Colin Hanks out by winking at him. And the bitch wasn’t even looking at me.
After one Zima, Colin Hanks turns into Colin Firth.
Colin Hanks makes my brain want to barf.
If Colin Hanks is the new Colin Firth, then he’ll have a hell of a career starring in romantic comedies for moms.
“Big Smelly Dirt Cock”: rest easy, Rita Wilson isn’t Colin Hanks’s mother. You can go back to fixating on her vagina without worry, now. (And by “fixating” I mean “masturbating furiously to Out of the Blue.
Does this make Steve Zahn into Peter Scolari, The Next Generation?
Nic Cage’s kid makes Tom Hank’s kid look like Bruce Willis’ kid.
OK Nom, you win this round of Insult or Compliment?
Who’s next?
“After one Zima, Colin Hanks turns into Colin Firth.”
I want to have your babies now
Colin Hanks may not be a smart man, but he knows what love is.