JESUS IS A CHOCOLATE FACE
01.09.09I know I’m ruining this movie for you but this is my job and I’ve got vices to support. Anyway, The Sun recently revealed (if you believe The Sun at all) two characters from the Bruno movie, Sacha Cohen’s follow-up to Borat. The first is an African orphan named David, who Bruno and his boyfriend Diesel adopt in order to parade him around “the chic fashion capitals of the world.” The second is a black model who calls himself Jesus and walks around in loincloth and crown of thorns.
“The characters were created deliberately to wind certain sections of society up and Jesus is one of them.
Test audiences in the US have seen an early edit and the more religious members at the screenings failed to see the funny side.
“It won’t be the first time Sacha has landed himself in hot water. The water might be a little hotter this time round though. Religion isn’t always the best place to poke fun.” [Sun]
What is the best place to poke fun? The vagina. Anyway, I don’t see what the big deal about a black Jesus is. I know about 50 Mexican ones. Besides, Jesus was born in the Middle East, meaning that although he probably didn’t look like Dikembe Mutumbo, he probably didn’t look like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall, either. I also read somewhere that he would’ve been born in New Jersey but they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. Not sure if that’s true.


Chocolate Jesus loves you.
Maddona did this in the Like a Prayer video about a million years ago and F-ed Black Jesus too. Probably the last time she was ‘edgy’.
Speaking of Madonna, Bruno adopts an African baby named David? That has to be a dig at her.
And to that, I say, well played, Mr. Cohen.
When he starts doing these jokes with the Prophet Mohammed I’ll give him some props. Christians are a soft target…
If Cohen really wanted to rile some whackos up, he would dress a pig in a turban and call it “Muhammed”. Then he and Vin Diesel would ride the fucking train on the little oinker! They could put a bomb in it’s mouth instead of an apple! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS! GET ME A WHOPPER!
Black Jesus turns water into Mad Dog 20/20.
Black Jesus says to “turn the other cheek” so he can tap that ass.
FUCK YOU BRYCE!
Black Jesus only wants white girls to “receive the body of Christ”.
Black Jesus makes mana fall from the sky when he is in line at the food bank.
I have some Might One’s Thunder for sale. $10 or best offer :-P
Watch out, y’all. The Black Crusaders will get you for this sorta’ thing!
Black Jesus wears a bling’d out chain of himself.
Black Jesus turns water into purple drink.
Black Jesus talked all the way through ‘Passion’…
Let’s just say Black Jesus wasn’t crucified…
*hurriedly kicks length of rope under pick-up truck*
Black Jesus makes sense. Child of a single mother. Lives off the labor of others. Smokes blunts. Drinks cherry wine.
Everytime I see SBC, I automatically miss Andy Richter. I guess it’s because the last time I saw him was with SBC. Well, if you don’t count the time I asked him what aisle the powdered gravy mix was on.
Black Jesus uses Soul Glo
Mary Magdalene was just annuda one of Black Jesus’ hoes.
Black Jesus can run fast. ON WATER.
Black Jesus’ favorite movie is The Last Dragon.
Black Jesus: I cure the lame, cuz I gots game!
Black Jesus says Hail Mary? Awww, Hail Naw!
Coming soon: Diary of A Mad Black Jesus starring black Jesus as an older woman named Judea.
Black Jesus dismisses the whole “virgin birth” thing as just a bunch of baby mama drama.
Black Mary rode a bodonkadonkey
Black Jesus is very articulate.
No wonder black churches pass out After Eight Mints instead of those wafers.
My grandmother would never let me bring Black Jesus into her house.
Black Jesus refused to carry the cross was because it didn’t have 24′s on it.
Black Jesus last supper was BBQ.
NEW UP!
Black Jesus cured a man’s blindness by putting his palm on the man’s forehead and yelling “Nigga look!”
Coming soon: Jason Statham stars in Plank!
Nailed to a crucifix with only the cries of vengeful Jews to keep him conscious, Statham must keep his heart rate up by hearing the cries of vengeful Jews.