BONNIE & CLYDE! FOR TWEENS!
01.27.09
Indie studio Cypress Moon has announced plans to make The Story of Bonnie and Clyde. So who’ll replace Faye Dunaway and Warren Beattie? Why, none other than Hilary Duff (who I’ve heard of but don’t know why) and Kevin Zegers, a veteran of four Air Bud movies (including Golden Receiver through Seventh Inning Fetch) AND a little film you might remember called MVP: Most Valuable Primate.
Tonya S. Holly will direct the film from her own script, which is a new adaptation rather than a remake of the 1967 classic. Holly began working on the project after reading old newspaper articles about the gangster pair in an abandoned house on her family’s property. [Variety]
That’s funny, I started writing this post after hearing about Tonya S. Holly from a hobo whose underwear I scrubbed clean behind the old planetorium. Look, we already know you’re making a movie with Hilary Duff, just go ahead and say Wikipedia. Holly is previously known for her work on When I Find the Ocean, and I shit you not this is the actual DVD cover.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/08/Bonnie-And-Clyde-2-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/10/Robo-Dolphin-Jesus-150x150.jpg)
What’s up with Duff’s torso?
Looks like you could cut it out below the tits and above the waist and use it as a Tempurpedic neck pillow.
When I Find the Ocean, someone will say, “That’s a river you dumb bitch.”
They’re not remaking the ’67 movie, instead focusing on a PG remake of Natural Born Killers, a more modern-day Bonnie & Clyde story. The part of the reporter originally played by Robert Downey Jr. will be filled with a chimpanzee this time.
That abandoned house once belonged to the Holly family’s integrity, but that died long ago.
Instead of being gunned down in their car by federal agents, this Bonnie & Clyde will meet their end when they hire a cat named Toonces as their wheelman.
Kevin Zegers took a big chance with this film after turning down Detroit Lion: First & Den.
Might be hard to shoot people while on ecstasy the whole time.
Zegers has also signed on to star in a fish-out-of-water tale about the New York Rangers’ new eight-armed goalie… Hock-topus.
That goalie should play for the Red Wings.
If you got that, you are probably a hockey fan.
Tonya’s brother Hardcore is humiliated by her work.
Bruns! You just stole the thunder for His Crash Holly joke!!!
*waits for a high five from Fek*
There it is.
Because, when I think “gangster,” I think “former tween Disney star.”
That’s gonna’ work out real well.
Kevin Zegers is the Malt-o-Meal Zac Efron.
In this version, Bonnie and Clyde are busted when the FBI tracks the IP of their Limewire accounts.
I preferred When I Find the Hautean: The Eugene V. Debs Story.
Oh Terre Haute. Come for the smell, stay for the rampant obesity.
Donk, I got it.
Banner pic: Porkme Amidala and Darth Efronium
When I find the lotion…….
To make sure nothing got in her way, Holly had her boyfriend club Lexi Alexander in the knee with a pipe.
Don’t forget about Kevin Zegers’ tour de force performance in It’s A Boy Girl Thing. If you have any desire to pop your eyeballs out with a spoon, that movie will take you over the edge.
I still remember the first time I found The Ocean. I was so happy to let that album play all the way to the last track…
I still haven’t seen the bridge, though…
You forgot Dawn of the Dead. Which will be helpful during filming since Duff looks like some of his castmates from that movie.