VIVA LA PINCHE REVOLUCION, PUTO
12.03.08This is the English-language version of the trailer for Che, Steven Soderbergh’s four-hour epic about Che Guevara. The film has two parts, The Guerilla and The Argentine, and will be released first in its entirety in New York and LA next week in order to qualify for the Oscars, and then in January it will be released separately as The Argentine and The Guerilla. I know Benicio Del Toro seems like the perfect casting, but ask yourself this: Wouldn’t Danny Trejo have been better? Although I guess Che would’ve had to win in the end, just to make it believable. That would’ve been a way better movie.
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You know what else has been scientifically proven to make movies better?
BOOBIES!!
I’m talking to you Jessica Alba, Elisha Cuthbert and Hayden Pane-whatshername.
But not you Kathy Bates. For the love of Jebus!
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara helped the working man by beating the weakness out of him.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara smoked blunts.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara has a machine gun mounted on his beret.
Danny Trejo’s Che started the revolution by drinking an entire bottle of tequila.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara didn’t engage in guerilla warfare, but he did beat his chest a bunch and eat bananas.
Brett Ratner is also releasing a 4-hour epic, but the second half is titled, “etos.”
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara has an iconic black-and-white picture of him wearing a sombrero while looking somber.
Danny Trejo’s Che would rather be called “Chuy”.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara eats coctel de camaron because he thinks is “gets his spunk up.”
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara has the word “The Common Man” on his left bicep and “Imperialists” on his right and constantly flexes to show their struggle.
Mornin suka phishez!
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara isn’t a chicken shit pinko commie terrorist how killed inoccent people in his sociopathic rampage for fame and glory who was later idealized by leftist sympathizes and turned into a pseudo-hipster icon by t-shirt manufacturers,
he runs a taco truck in Sherman Oaks.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara can snap your femur using nothing but his pecs.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara doesn’t put milk on his Grape Nuts, he uses Horchata.
Little known fact:
Benicio Del Toro was raised by bulls.
Danny Trejo’s Che does the sign of the cross…….then you’re dead.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara doesn’t ride a donkey, the donkey rides him.
…wait…wha?
Lisa Loeb wrote the theme song for this movie: “Che (I Miss You)”
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara didn’t figuratively knock down any walls created by class distinction, but he literally knocked down buildings just to show off.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara pisses Tapatio and shits Habaneros.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara’s low rider had a bumper sticker that reads: I Brake for the Repressed
The Guerilla and The Argentine would be an awesome band name.
The Gorilla and the Argentine would be an apt description for the gay couple living above me.
I say “above me” because I’m the power bottom.
Danny Trejo’s Che Guevara doesn’t give a shit about your struggles, puto; quit talking to his sister.
“Puto” was Popeye’s cross-dressing antagonist.
Power bottom is my favorite hockey palyer position.
Power bottom is my favorite hockey palyer position
C-Dog.. you and Sean Avery would get along then.
Geroge Washingto was a hockey palyer.
Stephen Kind wrote a Che biopic, with more monsters:
Guerillas in the Mist
The Cheesecake Factory has added a special dish called “The Guerrilla and the Argentine”. It is basically spaghetti and meatballs sprinkled with gun powder and cocaine.
King, I meant. Dammit
*chodin enters thread dressed as Cher, removes wig and sits down*
Oh…”Che”, okay I get it now.
Stone, I think you and I both prefer to eat at the Cheesequake Factory.
Speaking of Avery,
HEY VALINCE, they are talking about a Sean Avery biopic. Talk about fodder for the Drunkards… Hockey players with questionable sexuality…
You and me, Jack – we’re insiders.
NUDE UP!
I’m pretty sure the most epic part about a four-hour, Che Guevara movie, is when I realize that I’m white and just don’t give a shit.