Sometimes when I’m neck deep in publicity stills and stories about sequels that may or may not happen five years from now, my job can get pretty boring. But thank God I have B-movie trailers starring Danny Trejo to brighten my day. This one’s called Eyeborgs. That’s right, Eyeborgs. Some choice lines from the trailer:
“Dude, they’re just cameras.”
“What if they’re not ‘just cameras’? What if somebody puts a weapon? Think about it! Robot soldiers. Infiltrating society. It can do whatever. It. Wants.”
And then later:
“Pretty smart for a camera, don’t you think?”
What I want to see is the pitch meeting held in order to decide which object would go crazy and kill people. Pigeons? Hmm, interesting, but… too obvious. Ceiling fans? Hmm… Could be cool. Table it until next time. Death Bed, The Bed That Eats People? Great, but we already did it. Hey I know, how about cameras? F-CK YES! That’s perfect! They can… take your pictures… and… f-ckin kill you! Because… we’ll give them guns! And they’ll have robot brains! Oh man, is someone writing all this down?
via Twitch. Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip.
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*puts screenplay about wireless mice inside the Pentagon blinding spies with their belly lights back in desk drawer*
You know what would make this movie scarier? If one of the robots had Robin Williams’ voice.
These Eyeborgs are linked in to Chodin? I can’t wait to see how they make their entrance in each scene.
*blows dust of dog-eared copy of Killer Khazis from Kathmandu that’s been lying on top of a wardrobe for ten years* H’mm. Perhaps i’m just ahead of my time.
Killer Polaroid cameras just shake the shit out of you.
I too had a script about how cameras make our lives miserable. I called it “Paparazziborgs.”
I wrote a script about blood-sucking vaginas. It’s called Bearded-Clampires.
I can’t watch this because Adrian Paul’s in it. i promised Christopher Lambert to never have anything to do with that guy since we consider him responsible for killing off the franchise potential of the Highlander movies. that’s also why i don’t hang out with Mario Van Peebles either, even if he has the best weed.
Cameras are Danny Trejo’s enemy.
So are mirrors.
Danny Trejo will take any role that has the lines: “Horale, Vato, Chinga tu Madre, Cabron”
That’s perfect! They can… take your pictures… and… f-ckin kill you!
The Native Americans were right! Cameras DO steal your soul.
“This summer, only the deaf will survive in… FEARING AID.”
So, all the robot fucking will be automatically caught on film? Where’s Pauly??
Just as in “The War of the Worlds,” the invaders were defeated by a tiny germ, in “Eyeborgs,” the cameras will be defeated by fat cam-whores who take off their shirts, causing massive crashing of the system.
This is like a dream I had where I was at a party and everyone was doing the ‘robot’ and taking pictures of each other.
Are we talking handheld cameras or surveillance cameras? Or is it a Maximum Overdrive thing and it’s all cameras? How will handheld cameras be able to kill at night without using a flash?
“The Serengeti just got a little more dangerous for birdwatchers in… RHINOCULARS!”
“Be Careful Bending Over when you put the Veggies in the Crisper….Refriger-Raper!”
“Just when you thought it was safe to poop – robots are attacking your asshole! Androids squeezes out painfully Summer 2010.
“This Summer murder’s in the stars in… HELLESCOPE.”
“After he trained himself how to do every dirty job on the planet, he planned to take it over” You can smell RoweBot in theaters this Spring.
Could one of our Jispanic Drunkards please translate the following terms for me in order to clear up any confusion?
1. Pinche
2. Cabron
3. Robots
. . . K, thanks
1 Pinche – is a word enhancer, such as “fucking”. As in “Get me a pinche beer, now!”
2. Cabron – usually used as a term of endearment. Like “asshole” or “fucker”.
3. Robots – is a bunch of pinche cabrones named “Robert”
Erswi
1. Pinche I like
2. Cabron Your shirt
3. Robots Asshole
When using a robot camera that can kill you, do you say “freeze” or “cheese”?
Way to steal my thunder uyPla, just like you stole my job I didn’t want.
“This summer, your comfort level will drop in… MASSAGECHAIRODACTYL!”
Did I see Rip Torn in a biker wig?
You think that’s scary? Just wait until all the soon-to-be-unemployed automobile assembly line robots take jobs as hitmen and/or ninjas!
When using a robot camera that can kill you, do you say “freeze” or “cheese”?
Smile.
So Hollywood ripped off ORB from Quake3Arena.
They need to stop making movies right fucking now. You’re not topping this. We need to Photoshop hundreds of For Your Consideration posters immediately.
the shoot out scene looks like the 1992 epic toys. but i dont recall any spider toys raping some chick and filming it. too bad.