THIS ONE SOUNDS LIKE A WINNER
12.18.08United Artist has been co-owned by Tom Cruise since 2006 and has so far made two movies, Lions for Lambs, whose losses have been estimated at as high as $50 million, and Valkyrie, which isn’t out yet. Bottom line, they need a hit. Luckily, it sounds like they’ve found it:
Tom Cruise’s United Artists has lined up …a film version of the horror fantasy novel “Conjure Wife.”
“Conjure” is about a New England college professor who discovers his good fortune has been a result of his wife’s secret, magical interference. When he pressures her to cease her otherworldly meddling, dark events and even darker forces descend on the couple without her protection.
“Conjure Wife” has been adapted three times before: in 1944 as “Weird Woman,” starring Lon Chaney Jr.; in 1962 as “Night of the Eagle”/”Burn, Witch, Burn!”; and in 1980 as “Witches’ Brew,” starring Richard Benjamin and Teri Garr. [Yahoo]
Oh yeah! Remember back in the 20s when sitcoms about witches were all the rage? The wife would twinkle her nose and poof! The drapes would be clean! But then her husband would come home and be all like, “Darn it, honey, what have I told you about using magic? What will the neighbors think? NOW WE’LL NEVER FIT IN!” and then he’d probably slap her around a bit because that was okay back then and everyone would have a good laugh. Anyway, this sounds like a great idea. After all, that’s why I go to the movies, to remind me of shows my grandparents used to watch.



Cruise’s version is going to be called Battlefield: Hearth.
My personal favorite version of this concept is I Dream of Jenna. Decent acting, sub-par plot, and anal intrusion. Good stuff.
Why does “I Cream on Genie” strike me as something I might in any one of your guys’ personal collections?
It’s in mine. That Brooke is a fine actress.
*quickly amends XMas wishlist*
I’m still trying to fathom how Cruise still has A. any money and B. a career.
**…something I might find
Paisano understood me. I was talking with my hands.
What’s the female equivalent of the dismissive wanking gesture? Because that’s how I feel right now.
Pretending to squirt titty milk, Patty Boots.
…
Yeah, pass.
Well, you’d be alot cooler if you did.
I pefer the Skinemax’s “Genie in a String Bikini” myself.
That’s cold, man. I’m a dignified lady.
I confess, I have used “Rubbing that magic lamp” as a euphemism for beating off.
Bah! The Mighty Feklahr knows what all of the guys here would do with “Genie”! Heh heh heh!
(“Just put in that code for Contra, conjure me up some beer, and SHATTUP!”)
I’m a dignified lady.
Then what in Kahless’ Beard are you doing HERE???
It’s The Craft meets The Stepford Wives!
*Shoots self in the foot*
For my money, a witch show just isn’t a witch show if it doesn’t involve Melissa Joan Hart.
When conjure wife isn’t in the mood, she gives her husband a headache.
Even conjure wife thinks Wiccans are retarded.
Okay, you got me. I lied.
*dismissive breast-milking gesture*
Conjure Wife uses a Ouija board to pick dinner every night. It’s always Alphabet Soup.
I think Cruise got the idea for this from everyone asking him, “So how exactly did you ‘Conjure Wife’ into buying into that space-alien religion bullshit?”
Conjure Wife still makes her husband take out the fucking trash when his buddies are trying to hang out, even though she could just blink the shit right into the fucking Johnson’s flower bed to shut him the fuck up about how much time he spends tending his garden, the queer.
Conjure wife is always apologizing to Mr. Winkles about having him neutered.
New up
The Mexican audience is trying to figure out what, exactly, they conned jer wife out of.