I know how eagerly we’ve all been awaiting a Street Fighter movie, especially since they hired the director of Cradle 2 the Grave and Doom, plus a dancer from the Black Eye Peas to play Vega. Wire fighting? Chris Klein? I couldn’t not see this! Anyway, here’s the newly released Japanese trailer for Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. You can tell it’s serious because of the opera-singing in the background. Opera is pretty much the rap-rock of classical music genres. OOOH WHA AA AA-AA!
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FUCK. ME. IN. THE. GOAT. ASS.
Capcom needs to quit fucking around and get to work on a live-action Mega Man movie starring Zac Effron and Christopher Lloyd. Michael Chicklets can play Gutsman.
Nick Nolte’s mugshot should play Blanca.
I’m not sure what Jim Gaffigan was doing in this movie. And not once did I see Chun-Li down a short blue skirt and flail her legs around. I want to imagine I might but probably not see some kruter.
Wow, cue hangover bear, Lince! The Drunkards have partied hearty this Krs’Mas season!
Wait…is that Lana Lang as Chun Li? WTF?
Well, at least the corpse of Raul Julia isn’t in this one.
I’m sure we’re only about a year away from Metal Gear 2: Electric Boogaloo staring Nic Cage as Solid Snake and Nic Cannon as his wacky black sidekick.
I’d rather jerk off to my old video games than that chick. what a letdown.
Y’all, this makes my inner 10-year-old sad. Street Fighter deserves better! Hell, if it wasn’t for the title card at the end, I wouldn’t even know it was Street Fighter.
Grrr, nerd rage!
INT. NEAL MCDONOUGH’S AGENT’S OFFICE, 2001
Neal’s Agent: Hey, Neal! Great news! I got you a part in the next Tom Hanks / Steven Speilberg World War II movie!
Neal: Wow! That’s amazing! What an opportunity!
Neal’s Agent: I know, right? Money in the bank! In fact, for the next ten years I’m gonna just concentrate on this giant pile of blow.
Neal: Okay…
Neal’s Agent: We’ll pad out your resume with supporting cast gigs in thrillers with Lindsey Lohan and action revenge movies with The Rock. Oh, and this heinous sequel to The Wizard of Oz. You get to play the Tin Man!
Neal: Uh…
Neal’s Agent: By the way, I plan on killing a hooker or two, so you’re going to have to do a Street Fighter movie to cover my lawyer’s fees.
Neal: Can I at least work with Clint Eastwood?
Neal’s Agent: Oh sure, I’ll set that up for you between your stints on various failing television shows.
Neal: That all sounds good to me. Have some more money.