Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler) supposedly doesn’t think too highly of his best actor competition Sean Penn (Milk). Oh yeah, dawg, it’s time for a highly-specious sounding thirdhand rumor about some actors trashing each other via text. Y’all ready for this? Investigative reporter Gerald Posner (who looks like he smells really bad) writes:
On December 28, a Los Angeles entertainment honcho shared a text message with me that Rourke had sent him: “Look seans an old friend of mine and i didnt buy his performance at all—thought he did an average pretend acting like he was gay besides hes one of the most homophobic people i kno” [sic]
Oh snap! Clearly the next step is for Posner to get his honcho to call Rourke with Penn silently listening in on the threeway at their next slumber party. Man, they’re gonna have so much to talk about between tickle fights. On a sidenote, Mickey Rourke has never lost a ticklefight. Don’t believe me? Just try him, man, seriously, I dare you.
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Gerald Posner looks like an animatronic Disney character gone horribly awry.
I would like to see these two ear fight. Cause Penn’s giant flaming gay ears would give Rourke’s bubbly deepfried looking cauliflower ears a run for their money.
Gerald Posner looks like Ron Perlman as “Vincent” in the Beauty and the Beast TV series.
Rourke then directly followed with another text message stating: “Tits, tits, tits, I’m a Scorpio. Sometimes I like to drink fevers. Drugs keep me cumming, I mean coming LOL!”
How is this less Gay then the last post?
Gerald Posner has the face on an angle.
4 rights angles.
When Mickey Rourke text messages you, your cell phone is legally obligated to shout “Oh FUCK” as it’s ringtone.
Gerald Posner’s face looks like it was melted and crudely put together by Captain Hook.
Gerald Posner looks like what I always imagined black people to look like, before I’d ever met any and my grandparents would just describe them in warning.
Gerald Posner looks like a dwarf grown to average human height.
Who taught Rourke how to send a text? Thanks a lot, Pandora.
If you punch Gerald Posner directly between the eyes, his entire life self-destructs.
Mickey Rourke text messages by slamming the cell phone into his face.
All this critical praise has given Rourke a very big head.
Gerald Posner looks like the lust child between Mickey Rourke and Steven Tyler.
The praise has given Posner an even bigger head.
Gerard Posner is what happens when native americans do the rain dance wrong.
Gerald Posner looks like George Takei after a series of hate-crimes.
Sean Penn’s response was that technically, Mickey Rourke portraying an washed up entertainer craving a final shot at relevance shouldn’t even count as “acting”.
Gerard Posner looks like he has the sex addiction gene. Otherwise known as “Gene Simmons”.
Gerald Posner’s greatest nemesis is a guy named Tron and a user played by The Dude.
Gerald Posner = Lou Diamond Phillips + windshield
Gerald Posner is the first individual ever to be the joint-spokesperson for both Dove facial creams and fetal alcohol syndrome.
David Shankbone didn’t have that last name until he took that picture of Gerald Posner.
I think we all wish Mickey (was) washed up.
Posner sounds like it shoiuld be Bret Ratner’s last name.
Gerald Posner may have gotten Botox, but he still burns if he touches wrought iron and will vehemently defend his pot of gold.
Gerald Posner is a clone baby from the cast of Young Guns.
Banner Pic: Penn Gets Milked, and Rourke Brings Own Dinner to Wrestler Premiere.
No way I’d invite Gerald Posner to a slumber party. He looks like the kind of guy who eats dryer sheets and always takes truth over dare.
Gerald Posner has this rare disease where the skull grows on the outside of his face.
Gerald Posner’s face is what you see right before throwing in the towel during a fight against leukemia.
Rocky Dennis thinks Gerald Posner’s face is fucked up.
For a guy who’s supposedly a homophobe, Sean Penn sure is wearing a perfect shit-eating grin.
Rourke hates gay people…for stealing such style accessories as “the loose polka-dot tie” and “the tiny dog”.
Someone get Mick a shower and a wardrobe change. He looks like he’s very slowly looking into the Ark of the Covenant.
Gerald Posner is a few cycles of steroids and a little Hollywood hair and make up magic from landing the role of Lion-O for the Thundercats movie.
chodin: “Hey Mickey, does that red carpet match the drapes!? Hehe…he…heh…”
Mickey Rourke: “No, but it does match my fucking skin tone, faggot.”
Gerald Posner tried out for Skeletor in the new realism based He-Man movie, but was turned down for looking too cartoonish.
Rourke and Penn’s hatred for one another will always be overshadowed by their ties hatred for one another.
Gerald Posner was born on Easter Island.
Fuck you, JHC!
When Gerald Posner gets a character drawing done at Six Flags, he always weeps at how fucking normal he could have looked if things had just been a little different in his life.
Rourke’s collar is popped up like that because he shrugs 20 times a day from people asking him what’s the deal with his face.
Gerald Posner has made millions in real estate deals, and for only $150 you too can come to his seminar at the local civic center and learn his secrets.
A simple teeth-baring smile from Gerald Posner will reverse the orbit of our solar system.
Gerald Posner’s parents are George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.
Not the real ones, the ones on Mount Rushmore.
Gerald Posner’s eyes don’t see eye-to-eye.
Steinbeck’s working title was “Of Posner and Men.”
Gerald Posner’s appearance can only be explained by one thing: time travel-based incest.
I once dated a chick who could have fucked the “ghastly” out of Gerald Posner.
Gerald Posner’s mom got “the shocker” once.
It was when she saw what her fucking baby looked like.
Gerald Posner is going to play Sphinx in Transformers 2. Not the autobot, but the Great Sphinx of Giza in Egypt.
Gerald Posner’s face was made by the same factory who made the M.U.S.C.L.E. figures.
If Gerald Posner ever reads this thread, he’s going to cry until his eyes literally fall out of his face and his nose melts into his mouth.
I hear that if you go into a dark bathroom and say “Gerald Posner” three times into the mirror, he shows up and just kinda’ hangs out with you.
GHerald Posner’s face was the inspiration for the layout of the final dungeon in The Legend of Zelda.
Gerald Posner’s face is the result of a facial from a cement mixer.
Gerald Posner cries himself to sleep every night on his hot wax pillow.
New Up
Gerald Posner was great in The Neverending Story.
GHerald Posner is what Gerald Posner nicknamed his penis. It, too, looks like someone inflated it with a pump, but that’s because it actually was.
Gerald Posner watched the tape in The Ring and the tape committed suicide.
Gerald Posner was supposed to die 283 times already, but every time that death comes around, he refuses to touch Gerald and runs away screaming.
Mickey Rourke’s ticklefights always end up looking like the final sex scene in Wild Orchid.