12.30.08 ROURKE SAYS SEAN PENN SUCKS, HATES GAYS
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler) supposedly doesn’t think too highly of his best actor competition Sean Penn (Milk). Oh yeah, dawg, it’s time for a highly-specious sounding thirdhand rumor about some actors trashing each other via text. Y’all ready for this? Investigative reporter Gerald Posner (who looks like he smells really bad) writes:
On December 28, a Los Angeles entertainment honcho shared a text message with me that Rourke had sent him: “Look seans an old friend of mine and i didnt buy his performance at all—thought he did an average pretend acting like he was gay besides hes one of the most homophobic people i kno” [sic]
Oh snap! Clearly the next step is for Posner to get his honcho to call Rourke with Penn silently listening in on the threeway at their next slumber party. Man, they’re gonna have so much to talk about between tickle fights. On a sidenote, Mickey Rourke has never lost a ticklefight. Don’t believe me? Just try him, man, seriously, I dare you.
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There are 65 comments about:
ROURKE SAYS SEAN PENN SUCKS, HATES GAYS
Gerald Posner looks like an animatronic Disney character gone horribly awry.
I would like to see these two ear fight. Cause Penn’s giant flaming gay ears would give Rourke’s bubbly deepfried looking cauliflower ears a run for their money.
Gerald Posner looks like Ron Perlman as “Vincent” in the Beauty and the Beast TV series.
Rourke then directly followed with another text message stating: “Tits, tits, tits, I’m a Scorpio. Sometimes I like to drink fevers. Drugs keep me cumming, I mean coming LOL!”
How is this less Gay then the last post?
Gerald Posner has the face on an angle.
4 rights angles.
When Mickey Rourke text messages you, your cell phone is legally obligated to shout “Oh FUCK” as it’s ringtone.
Gerald Posner’s face looks like it was melted and crudely put together by Captain Hook.
Gerald Posner looks like what I always imagined black people to look like, before I’d ever met any and my grandparents would just describe them in warning.
Gerald Posner looks like a dwarf grown to average human height.
Who taught Rourke how to send a text? Thanks a lot, Pandora.
If you punch Gerald Posner directly between the eyes, his entire life self-destructs.
Mickey Rourke text messages by slamming the cell phone into his face.
All this critical praise has given Rourke a very big head.
Gerald Posner looks like the lust child between Mickey Rourke and Steven Tyler.
The praise has given Posner an even bigger head.
Gerard Posner is what happens when native americans do the rain dance wrong.
Gerald Posner looks like George Takei after a series of hate-crimes.
Sean Penn’s response was that technically, Mickey Rourke portraying an washed up entertainer craving a final shot at relevance shouldn’t even count as “acting”.
Gerard Posner looks like he has the sex addiction gene. Otherwise known as “Gene Simmons”.
Gerald Posner’s greatest nemesis is a guy named Tron and a user played by The Dude.
Gerald Posner is the first individual ever to be the joint-spokesperson for both Dove facial creams and fetal alcohol syndrome.
Gerald Posner = Lou Diamond Phillips + windshield
David Shankbone didn’t have that last name until he took that picture of Gerald Posner.
I think we all wish Mickey (was) washed up.
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