12.30.08 PHOENIX, MEET PALTROW. MOUTH, MEET GUN.

“Vinessa” is what Vince was named until 2 years old.

That’s when they found out it was a penis after all.

Is Joaquin Phoenix hanging out with Brian Posehn?

It’s not a triangle unless they all connect. So I guess what I’m saying is that Shaw and Paltrow get it on, I’d be more inclined to watch.

In my experience, two chicks would NEVER fuck someone named ‘Joaquin’. Although with his last name, it’d be totally cool to say ‘Like a Phoenix, he rose from the asses”.

I’m kind of sad to see that Brian Posehn has lowered himself to hanging out with those people.

What do I care about this chick’s fucking name? You don’t have to be able to read good and spell good to know the meaning of A2M.

Fuck Jack!

I was in a love hendecagon one time. It was pretty complicated, and in the end, I’m pretty sure I ended up just fucking myself.

Think I Walkeen and I have smoething in commo.n

Gah. I Am Sam would have enough sense to pick the other chick over Paltrow. I would rather meet the cockpunching robot than see this movie.

They were going to get Val Kilmer for this role, but they didn’t want an obtuse triangle.

Phoenix, meet Paltrow. Mouth, meet gun. Hair, meet lip.

“Vinessa Shaw” is the shittiest combination of Scrabble letters ever.

Is Vin as in Vin Diesel short for Vinessa? i’d suck Vinessa’s cock any day.

There seems to be a discrepancy in the votes: my brain marked the “not hot” chad for Vinessa and yet my dick sure enough poked out the latter.

Vinessa Shaw, I’d like to introduce you to Dr. Diek.

Phoenix wonders why God gave us two ring fingers if we could only screw one chick at a time.

His mustache is like a harelip toupee.

Gwynneth Paltrow’s pussy is so big an Apple fell out of it.

*slow clap*

that one’s for you Peet.

If Vinessa Shaw told me I had to help her get financing for a new car before she’d have a love triangle, I’d cosign.

Post, meet Durst….

I’m too lazy to IMDB. Is that the formerly hot older chick from Hocus Pocus? Has someone beaten her with an ugly stick for the last 12 years or so?

Dear Mr. Phoenix,

This was a pretty crappy effort for your first music video.