According to thousands of lazy headline writers, Marley & Me was “top dog” at the box office this weekend.  It grossed a record $14.7 million on Christmas day and “fetched” $51.7 million in its first four days.

The critics, meanwhile, seemed to be split down the middle, with many like Owen Gleiberman calling it “A disarmingly enjoyable, wholehearted comic vision of the happy messiness of family life,” while others, like Peter Travers of Rolling Stone said, “Watching the stars try to out-cutesy the mutt is one for the puke bucket.”  But for my money, the top critic quote prize goes to Kyle Smith of the New York Post, who says:

“It’s a labra-bore.”

Nice.  That’s just the kind of stretching for bad puns that made the New York Post what it is today.  Full top ten after the jump.

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A man angry that a family was talking during a Philadelphia showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button pulled out a Kel-Tec .380 and shot another man in the arm.

The victim — who was apparently chatting with his son during the movie — told police that [James Joseph Cialella Jr., 29] told him to be quiet and threw popcorn at his son.

The man, whose identity was not reported, said some words were exchanged and Cialella then got out of his seat. The man said he got up to protect his son, and Cialella then shot him.

As patrons ran from the theater, Cialella reportedly went back to his seat and resumed watching the movie — until police showed up to arrest him on charges of attempted murder, aggravated assault and weapons violations. [UPI]

Said a police spokesman, “What do you mean ‘Was the guy who got shot also white’?  What would that have to do with anything?”

Morning, folks.  Christmas is over and you know what that means: back to watching your ass get fatter while your life slips away one Power Point slide at a time.  Anyway, welcome back.  To hell.  I don’t have any sweet DVDs to award this week, probably because the PR reps are all on vacation, but since I’m such a nice guy I’ve so many sins to atone for, I’m buying this week’s winner this sweet Danny Trejo shirt.

As always, the way this works is, when a commenter makes a comment worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of this post.  I’LL pick the winner from among the nominees next Sunday/Monday. (Often, like today, the winner gets a prize).  FYI, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section.

On to the runners up:

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I don’t do lists that often, but it’s the end of the year and I just took my ADHD medication so I’m feeling really f-cking linear right now.  On that note I present to you: THE TOP 15 FRIDAY FREE FOR ALL VIDEOS OF 2008 (in order of awesomeness).  I’m starting at the bottom, so make sure you read all of this if you want the really good shit.

15.  Twisty Cats

Yes, nothing like a scary witch lady purposely breeding deformed cats because their inability to walk is “so cute.” I think commenter Jacktion! put it best when he said, “I WANT THIS WOMAN DEAD!”
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Friday Free for All is the time of the week when FilmDrunk breaks from timely movie news to post sweet videos.  You’re welcome.  Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com.

Today’s clip comes from a BBC nature show with David Attenborough featuring the lyre bird, which can apparently mimic any sound it hears.  Fast forward to the 1:54 mark for the money shot of the bird mimicking two different types of cameras, a car alarm, and foresters with chainsaws.  Definitely makes your cockatiel saying “here kitty kitty” seem stupid. Well, more stupid, anyway. Anyone else smell a buddy cop movie starring the bird and that guy from the Police Academy movies?  Imagine the hijinks!  Police Work is for the Birds, they could call it.