*puts on suspenders and green visor*
Okay, so the last we heard on the Watchmen suit was that the judge had ruled that Fox is entitled to “at the very least, the right to distribute the ‘Watchmen’ motion picture,” and was trying to urge both sides towards a settlement. Today, WB issued this statement:
“We respectfully but vigorously disagree with the court’s ruling and are exploring all of our appellate options. We continue to believe that Fox’s claims have no merit and that we will ultimately prevail, whether at trial or in the Court of Appeals.”
It’s important to note that if WB goes the appeal route rather than trying to work out a settlement with Fox, this process will take forever. However, most observers say both sides are just talking tough in order to get more favorable terms in the settlement. Judge Feess says he will still hold a trial January 20th to determine damages, how far Fox’s rights extend, and - THIS IS KEY - whether to block the release of the movie. WB claims it’s an opportunistic suit by Fox, Fox claims WB has a history of playing fast and loose with the rights to film properties, and countless lying sluts have alleged that I’m a premature ejaculator. Bottom line, the longer this bullshit takes, the less money there’s going to be for them split up when everyone gets tired of hearing about this and stays home from the theater.
SEMI UPDATE: If I read another “Fox is trying to delay Watchmen!” headline I’m going to punch a baby. Just to clarify, Fox is NOT trying to delay the release. The judge has ruled Fox owns a piece of it. Therefore, it’s in Fox’s best interest that it be released on time since they will be making money on it. Key piece of the article:
Monday’s events seem to be a speed bump to a costly settlement, with the hardline postures likely a strategic move for both sides more than anything else. Fox, which finally snapped a long box office losing streak with “Marley & Me,” gains most with a settlement, not a blocked release. [THR]
Sylvester Stallone was recently in India to shoot a Bollywood film with Denise Richards and Brandon Routh. The headline accompanying the news story about it was “Stallone was very impressed with Indians.” Above is an artist’s rendition of what that might have looked like.
Valkyrie: A serious review
Valkyrie (watch the trailer) is beautifully shot by Bryan Singer and full of solid acting all around (except for Tom Cruise, who isn’t horrible but is still Tom Cruise), but it never comes close to solving that one little problem. You know, the whole protagonist-getting-executed-by-Nazis-at-the-end thing.
The film tells the story of Colonel Klaus von Stauffenberg, the man who set the bomb in the final attempt to assassinate Hitler in 1944. We open a year earlier on the North African front, where Stauffenberg tries to convince a general to defy Hitler’s orders and abandon a doomed campaign. Just as he succeeds, Allied fighters strafe their camp, killing the general and blowing up the Jeep in which Stauffenberg sits. Singer directs the battle scene brilliantly, striking that perfect balance between realism and actually being able to see what the f-ck’s going on that’s so rare nowadays. Sadly, the action only lasts a few minutes.
Yes yes, the movie’s called Lesbian Vampire Killers, it’s all very kitschy and provocative. Say the title a few more times, I don’t think people will remember it yet. Look, guys, it’s a good name (and according to the Wikipedia page, the whole project started with a challenge to come up with the most commercial film title ever), but you’re really gonna have to work a little harder . This is the internet. I can find underage girls getting a golden shower from a rhinoceros if I look hard enough. If you want to outdo the Japanese, someone’s going to have to lactate and/or explode.
Empire has a batch of new stills from the set of Transformers 2 in Egypt. As you can see, Shia LaBeouf’s missing pinky is covered with a bandage, which was much easier than replacing him. No one else can say, “No!” “Lookout!” and “It’s coming straight for us!” as convincingly as LaBeouf can, the kid’s a natural. Also of note: Michael Bay getting the go ahead to shoot practically on top of the only still-standing one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. I don’t know how he managed to get that permit, but I hope it involved a camel, a shady sheikh, and a briefcase full of cash handcuffed to Michael Bay’s wrist.
UPDATE: Now with even more kablooie, courtesy of USA Today. Nice to see Bay working with a spotter.
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