The Middle Eastern press reports that Nicolas Cage will lose 13 pounds and gain $40 million to play assassinated Egyptian president Anwar Sadat in a miniseries for Egyptian TV (oh God please let him be in blackface…).
Egyptian writer Anis al-Degheidy, who wrote the series, recently announced that shooting was to start mid-2009. Al-Degheidy, who has written some controversial books including Saddam Was Not Executed, said the TV series would be in English and also dubbed in Arabic. [via Earthtimes - thanks to handsome Mossad agent Ohad for the tip]
Nicolas Cage, such a tragic hero. His career soared to amazing heights on the wings of his tremendous acting talent, with movies like Adaptation and Leaving Las Vegas, but then he flew just a little too close to the sun and melted his forehead, whereupon he fell back to Earth in a bear suit and punched a girl. Icarus Cage, I like to call him.
Reached for comment, Mickey Rooney said, “’Anwar Sadat’ – Hey! That sounds like someone trying to choose pictures for a Chinese food menu. ‘Anwar sadat?’ ‘Dat? Dassa broccori beef.’ ‘…Anwar Sadat?’ ‘Dat? Dassa egg foo young.’ ‘…Anwar sadat?’ ‘Dat? Wha, you stupid? Dassa szechuan pork, dum-dum.’” …Oh Mickey, what an insensitive cornball you are.
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I’d like to lose 7 Pounds from my memory.
Asked how he was preparing for the role, Cage replied “Well, I’ve been drawing a lot of inspiration from The Bangles. There’s just so much there.”
Steven Seagal is currently in negotiations to play the assassin, codenamed “Camelpuncher”.
Wow, you normally have to travel to 1989 to hear a Mickey Rooney reference.
(even though I think you meant Andy Rooney)
13 pounds is a bit specific. Do actors have a pre-bout weigh in like boxers?
I got nothing.
Donk – the 13 Pounds is referring to Cage’s salary in a British department store commercial.
If Nic Cage’s acting doesn’t bring about peace in the Middle East, nothing will.
Anwar Sadat’s assassination was like a Michael Bay wet dream. If you get a few seconds, read about it on Wiki. The guys that did it weren’t fucking around.
So…….. how is the first name of that Egyptian writer pronounced?
I’ve been offered a free lunch and a possible handjob to play Arte Johnson in this fat chick i know’s production of “Laugh In” at a dinner theater near my house. verrrrryyy interrresting!
This still doesn’t compare to his Oscar worthy performance as Fu Manchu in Grindhouse.
Oh and the 13 pounds he’s going to lose is the weight of the hair extensions when they cut them off.
13 pounds is how much weight you lose when you appear in movies starring sean penn.
13 pounds? I can lose 13 pounds quick.
*throws a 2 month old baby off a bridge*
See!
*catches baby, makes a cool 8 grand on the baby black market*
Maybe he can get Eyes of Nocturn to do the soundtrack for free?
MIZ-you’d get even more if it was a white baby! Oh, look! A Klan rally, brb!
MiZ sold a lemon.
Well, then they’ll make baby lemonade.
I don’t know what that means.
Screw the show, I want to know if Egyptian TV has its own version of Billy Mays.
Egyptian TV’s most popular show? Everybody Loves RAmond.
True story: Egyptians are fucking terrified of Brendan Fraser.
Banner pic: Cage went on to explain how the crocodiles snapped their teeth on a cigarette!
I like the Egyptian version of Dirty Jobs, starring Mike I. Rowe.
Egyptian TV’s game show network is pretty boring though. It’s just $20,000 Pyramid over and over and over.
I reckon he should remake “Leaving Las Vegas” for a Muslim audience and call it “Totally Hahmed”. Then he could do a sequel “Totally Hahmed 2: Mo’Hahmed”.
By the way, for the purpose of this joke, Hahmed is pronounced “Hammered”. Get it now?
The Egyptian Country Music Channel just plays Billy Osiris videos over and over and over.
Egyptian TV’s Intervention is particularly disturbing because everyone there is in de Nile.
The Egyptian MTV shows nothing but Oaisis videos.
*Pulls MIZ over to the corner*
Have a seat, grab a drink. Would you like any Horus D’oeuvres?
Which sucks, because the real version is spelled “Oasis.”
Do I get my own spot over here now? Everyone elses is sticky.
Egyptian Spongebob’s tagline is “Uh, oh. I’ve got some Tutankhamun”. Then, he lets one rip.
Wait, Jimmys_Mits….
What you’re saying is that “Hahmed” is supposed to be “Hammered”? and “Mo’Hahmed” is suppose to be like… “More Hammered”?
And “Hammered” is supposed to mean as in “being really drunk”, right?
And your reference to being really drunk coincides with the movie “Leaving Las Vegas” because he’s an alcoholic?
Let me write this shit down……
You gotta make your own spot sticky. JHC gets mad if you mess up the consistency of whatever he’s got going on in his spot.
Oh, I thought that said “MC Hahmed”…
*waits for corner invite*
Fek, you’re always welcome in the corner.
Wait…..and “Hahmed” is suppose to be, like, Egyptianese or something, right?
Hold the fuck up…..
*puts 2 and 2 together*
Jimmys_Mits is fucking terrorist?
Egyptian Pay Per View doesn’t do too well. You can order “The Sandlot” or “Dune” and everyone’s already seen them.
THAT TERRORIST STOLE MY ‘a’!
Egyptian FoxNews is Pharoh and Balanced.
Egyptian spies commit suicide by taking Sinai capsules.
The most requested bikini wax in Egypt is not the Brazilian, but the Gaza Strip.
Egypt has their own version of Lindsay Lohan. Her name is Sue Ez. You should see all the sailors that have been through her.
Who farted?
It Sphinx in here….
and I don’t have the nose to bare it.
When they have to shit, Egyptian FilmDrunkards say “Aswan is on the move!”
*cops a squat in designated corner spot, wiggles around with look of confusion*
Someone’s been sitting in my spot.
The Egyptian television version of Guiding Light, which took place in Alexandria, hasn’t been on since the 14th century.
:::is there a corner in this corner?:::
Egyptian KKK members have very luxurious uniforms.
$40M to play a television role seems a bit Dubaious to me.
dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2008/12/new-dream-hot-lesbian-action.html
Look at that tag and tell me you don’t want to read that MOFO.
(Slightly NSFW due to descriptive language)
Egypt does not receive much rainfall except in the winter months.
What? That’s not a joke. That shit right there is a fact.
*Checks wall*
“
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII”*sigh*
New up! Where’s my bitches at?
I went to Egypt for St. Cleopatrick’s Day and got busted for public Hamasturbation.
/Old corner full; seeks new corner.
Nic Cage to camel: Why the long face?
Camel: Right back at ya, motherfucker.
man, that’s some faggy looking jewelery he’s rockin’.
Icarus Cage. Isn’t that what Asians call him?