MALKOVICH WANTS HIS SALAD TOSSED
12.01.08
The Great Buck Howard premiered to largely positive reviews at Sundance in January and will be getting a theatrical release sometime next year. It stars John Malkovich as “an illusionist in decline” and Colin Hanks as a law school dropout who takes a job as his assistant, much to the chagrin of his father, played by Tom Hanks. A magician’s assistant? Hey, dad, it could be worse. I mean, at least he’s not Colin Ha- oh f-ck.
Also starring Steve Zahn!
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/bourneleagcyteaserposter-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Spider-Man-150x150.jpg)
How did he find an alliance-approved assistant on such short notice?
Malkovich’s only trick is making cock disappear.
^Yup, wrote that one myself.
Proud of it too.
Nice to see Kirk Douglas up and about again.
“My name’s Buck, and I’m here to fuck.” would be a great opening line for a magician.
Then he would proceed to pull the never-ending handkerchief out of his pee hole.
You’d have my attention if it was called The Great Duck: Howard.
Colin Hanks makes me really appreciate Nic Cage’s son.
As part of my community service, I perform magic tricks for sick kids. Ironic, really, seeing as I got in trouble for making my meat disappear in kids.
When John gimped up to his coworkers with a cast on his foot and explained he broke it when he shut the fence gate on it, Ed exclaimed, “The gate, fuck how hard?!”
Should have just named him Colon Hanks.
When I get a girl in bed and ask if I can eat green tea flavored ice cream out of their asshole, they quickly dissapear. I then yell, “TAH DAAAHHH!!”
Calling someone the “Liberace of Magic” is more offensive than faggot.
Calling someone the “Village People” of boy bands is the same as faggot.
Burnsy Jr.: “Dad, I want to be a magician’s assistant.”
Burnsy: “Fag.”
I wanted to be a magician once, then I realized girls give me boners.
So, Colin Hanks is in a movie with his dad and Steve Zahn?
John Malkovich’s participation is very confusing.
Ten bucks says Tom Hanks only agreed because he thinks Buck Howard is Ron’s nephew.
An illusionist in decline actually rips the heads off the doves instead of just making it look like he has.
Being a male magician’s assistant is all the fun of being a male nurse without the opportunity to fondle.
I would like to welcome the new “Douche Chills” tag.
Are they anything like a pee shiver?
If an illusionist in decline asks if your card is the five of spades, say yes whether he’s right or not. You’re a lot less likely to be kicked in the face as his next trick that way.
Is, “The douche chills” like, “The dude abides” but for Brett Ratner in riposte?
It’s the father’s own fault. He should have known that Penn & Teller isn’t really a Northeastern law school.
An allusionist in decline says “wherefore art thou” when he is looking for someone.
is david blaine being ironic???