Julian Schnabel most recently directed The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, but before that, he was an artist who did stuff like paint a gigantic version of a painting he found in a junk yard and charge $6 million for it. If that’s not enough to know he’s a pompous douche, he also wears yellow glasses, and at the Director’s Guild awards this year, he was giving an acceptance speech and going “Uhhh… Ummm…. Hmmm…” when Sean Young shouted “Get on with it!”, which was what everyone else was thinking. At which point he got all hurt and stormed off the stage like a little girl. Similarly, during this recent 60 Minutes profile, Morley Safer asks him about a critic (video after the jump):
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Stallone is to acting.”
At which point Schnabel gets pissed and refuses to answer any more questions. That’s right, he’s indignant about being compared to cinema’s most prolific killer of villainous Asians. He’ll copy a painting he found in the trash and charge $6 million for it, but if anyone questions him about it, they’re just being big meanies. I will give him this: Julian Schnabel is the Babe Ruth of hipster dickweeds.
The question that sands Schnabel’s vagina is at the 8:17 mark.
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I like to think of myself as the Babe Ruth of pompous asshats. But only on the weekends.
The 8:17 mark? Where did this sudden assumption that we have attention spans come from?
I pissed on a snowbank in the shape of a star once, yet you don’t see me getting bent out of shape because the cop said I was lacking in judgement.
The 8:17 mark? Where did this sudden assumption that we have attention spans come from?
The assumption was that you’d skip to the 8:17 mark, genius.
The cute part is that Julian Schnabel thinks he’s wearing 3-D goggles.
I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. What are we talking about?
I like to wear yellow tinted glasses so that when my wife asks why there’s pee all over the toilet seat, I can honestly tell her I don’t see what she’s talking about.
If Sean Young ever told me to “get on with it”, I’d fucking Donkey Punch the whore.
“Uhhh… Ummm…. Hmmm…” when Sean Young shouted “Get on with it!”
Does anyone else go through this exact same exchange while having sex? With or without sean Young of course
Julian Schnabel always forgets that he’s wearing his glasses and just assumes that everyone is a coward.
I got $10 and a buy one get one free buffet coupon at Golden Corral for one of my enema paintings a few years back, so fuck ya’ll.
bamitsthemac, I’m more of a “If you fucking make a noise, I’ll cut you” kind of guy.
What you guys fail to realize is, is that if you look at Julian’s art through yellow glasses, it looks a little less like shit. Just a little.
I don’t know about you, but the Hudson River is about 376th on the list of rivers that I want to be able to
smelloverlook from my house.*doesn’t think that’s grammatically correct, but doesn’t give a Schnabel*
Sean Young is crazy, but not so Tom Cruise batshit that I can’t enjoy Blade Runner.
And shouldn’t yelling at hipster douchebags be an honorable profession?
Julian Schnabel’s other glasses have slinky eyes attached to them.
The Mighty Feklahr did a painting of Yorick’s s skull sitting on a tree-stump, bleeding from the eyes. Lince can have it for 6 million pesos.
When i was a kid i won a prize of two book tokens for drawing Asterix the Gaul’s face on an egg once. Bet that thing’s fucking priceless now.
Morley’s lucky he didn’t come with the, “Do you ever get people on the street saying, if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball?”.
Even M. Night Shamaliadingdong thinks this fuckstain is a pretentious dickweed.
chodin, that takes forethought to actually get the knife. I’m more of the “spur of the moment” that starts with terror and ends with dissapointment and Herpes.
bamitsthemac, you’re not reading far enough into things: my dick IS the knife.
“Schnabel” is what my Asian roommate always wants to play on Saturday nights.
“Schnabel” is what my retarded cousin always wants to drink.
Schnabel- I’m still pissed about the Robert Hughes thing.
Safer- You pompous little dickweed. I haven’t had a healthy bowel movement in 35 years, I have cataracts in my left eye, and I have the gout in both feet. You really wanna whip our dicks out and see which one hits the floor?
Julian Schnabel ejaculates into taco shells, tapes them to a wall and asks, “But, is it art?”
Ricky Tomlinson thinks Schnabel is rather dashing. His missus ain’t too shabby either. Looks like a human Danni Minogue.
Julian puts eye liner on his asshole.
Those glasses aren’t yellow, they are “asshole amber.”
Yeah, but if I just skip ahead I might miss some nudity.
If you concentrate on his face hard enough, you can actually see shit moving behind Schnabel’s retinas.
Julian wears those glasses ot give the impression that, at any moment, he may fly off the handle and go skeet shooting.
“Uhhh… Ummm…. Hmmm…” was Schnabel’s reaction to the Burger King challenge.
Schnabel thinks Picasso is a fucking hack.
“Once, there was this giiiiiiirl who, got into an accident and couldn’t go to school…Uhhh… Ummm…. Hmmm…”
Fuck I love The Crashtest Dummies.
When i was a kid i won a prize of two book tokens for drawing Asterix the Gaul’s face on an egg once. Bet that thing’s fucking priceless now.
we speak american here compadre!!
Schnabel is dutch for potato.
^epicurial humor is the bomb!
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Paris is to fucking.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Boll is to directing.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Ledger is to pharmacological safety.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Earhart is to landing.”
Morley is just so money, baby. He don’t give a fuck.
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Terri Schiavo is to breakdancing.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Bus is to public speaking.”
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what necrophilia is to fucking.
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Larry the Cable Guy is to Miss Manners.
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Busey is to reason.”
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Michael J. Fox is to staying fucking still
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what LaBatts is to beer.”
The only time I wear yellow sunglasses is when I’m hunting hobo.
The use urine colored camouflage to hide.
“You are to painting what Tim Capello is to non-greased up, no jewelry wearing trombone playing.”
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Heath Ledger is to being alive
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Cruise is to psychology.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Christopher Reeve is to Horse-back riding.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Uproxx is to not fucking shit up.”
“Your old nemsis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what JHC is to picking football games.”
p.s.- Fuck Robert Hughes.
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Steven Segal is to not taking someone to the bank…the blood bank.
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Nic Cage is to not scaring the shit out of infants.”
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what LaBatts is to beer.
Is someone looking for a beating? What, no “you are to painting what Nickelback is to rock music”?
Fuck all y’all.
I’ve been trying to think of a reason as to why someone would wear yellow sunglasses, and all I can come up with are tired old R. Kelly pee jokes.
Dammit.
But at least it proves that yellow lenses are lame. And inexplicable.
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Deanne Bray is to Freestylin’.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Lucas is to cream cheese.”
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Oscar de la Hoya is to beating Pacquiao
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what burrito night is to romance.”
In retrospect, Sean really got hosed for ranking on this queah. If memory serves, she had to do some rehab time to atone. So let’s recap – chick who was once an undoubtedly crazy scary hot fuck vs. giant crapsack, and she loses? She shoulda got a medal. I hope she throws Morley a bone ifyouknowwhatimsayin.
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Nebraska is to sister fucking.”
“Wait, that came out wrong.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Filmdeunk is to mature discourse.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Chodin is to making me cum.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Lohan is to rug munching.”
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what Craptastic is to proper spelling”.
Oh c’mon. I owed you.
“Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what The_Guy_Who_Says_New_Up is saying New Up.”
I had a cold in my Scnabel once. No wait, that was a cheeto.
Your old nemesis, Robert Hughes once said of your work, you are to painting what George Lucas is to rational thought