JOHN TRAVOLTA ACTING BUTCH
12.23.08
Is ‘connais’ French for ‘baby condom’?
After the jump I’ve got the new trailer for From Paris With Love, from District B-13 director Pierre Morel and Luc Besson, starring John Travolta and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. If you can figure out what the hell the French guy says at the 15-second mark, you get a prize. I’ve rewound it about 17 times and still have no idea. Anyway, I don’t know about you guys, but John Travolta in a bald pate and goatee aiming a bazooka directly at the camera makes me instinctively clench my butt cheeks.
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WTF is that, Battlefield San Francisco?
I haven’t seen a goatee like that since I got my dick sucked on the dance floor at a bar called “Aint Nobody’s Biz”.
“From Paris, With Love”
*hands Donk the herp*
I don’t have a goatee, you asshole.
I hope there’s a night vision sex scene in this.
John Travolta playing Wooly Willy, the role he was born for.
If you can figure out what the hell the French guy says at the 15-second mark, you get a prize.
I can’t watch the video from work, but I’m guessing he’s saying something like “Aw huah huah! Sacre Bleu, I surrender!”
John, just don’t eat the poisonous dates Jonathan Rhys Meyers keeps around the house!
Some day I will make that joke work. :(
John Travolta reading the bazooka instructions:
Be cautious of the blast from the rear of the mechanism
“Truer words were never spoken”
That bazooka? Loaded with Thetans.
Voule vous coucher avec Xenu?
Dor sho gha! ZUT ALORS!!!
“No, we don’t drink that in France, Ok?”
Geez, Lince, you’d think the guy that invented Stathamese would be a little more open in the ears.
I always walk around with my butt cheeks clinched.
You never fucking know when the wrong person is going to think you have a sweet ass.
*looks around the room for any takers*
I think the words “Vagina Face” are in order.
A Beavis blank stare at this. Not much traffic on that stretch of autoroute.
Oh Stoney, your bastardized French is turning me on.
This movie went way over bdget and schedule when they realized they were going to owe every viewer a personal apology.
Fuck. I’d like to buy a “u” Pat.
Wait till I brake out the Pig Latin, Al…
MIZ – I probably have your U. Stoney, 10 minutes in the corner for “brake”.
John Travolta does a terrible impression of a lesbian.
Le GRRRRRR
I’m willing to give Travolta a pass most of the time because his dick smells like Kelly Preston.
I mean, that’s what I heard.
Also, Stoney, i’m not sure our friends from south of the border are going to appreciate being called pigs. You meant them, right?
J, the only reason Travolta’s dick would smell like Kelly Preston is if his boyfriend sticks a turkey baster full of her sweat up his ass before they get it on.
Whatever Donk. You’re just jealous that I know what Travolta’s dick smells like.
You know where I can score one of those turkey basters of Kelly’s sweat? It’s been a long, lonely, cold Nebraska
winterfew hours.I think they’re held in a cooler in the basement of the L.A. Scientology castle. Those in the inner-sanctum put some of it on before going out to throw off people’s gaydar.
French Travolta worships Xenauex.
Actually, Charlie – I think Pig Latin is singular.
In unrelated news, Ricardo Montalban is at my door. I’ll be right bac – AYE CARUMBA!!!!
If Kelly Preston had just a little more bush in her basket, she’d be top notch.
/80′s flashback
he says ‘it will never enter france, ok?!’
presumably he is a customs official referring to dildos.
Banner Pic:
I said the green pac of Zig Zags you fuckopolis. Orange is for homos. Now, go fuck a cat to death or I’ll castrate your dad.
I’ve been to Belgium.
But, I’m from Oregon.
I haven’t heard such an awkward rendition of “mother fucker” since Morgan Freeman in Wanted.
Kris Klingle heard you can get a good waffle in Belgium.
If the French ever remade “Teen Wolf”, the banner pic would be the “Give me…a keg…of beer!” scene.
When I see my av in the top right corner of the screen with this lettering, I’m reminded of the good ol’ days when I used to see “NEW MESSAGE” underneath it. Hey Vance, you know what would make a good Christmas present?
That’s right, more nekkid Statham.
I never used to see that when we had the PM system…
*sobs*
“That does not enter France, ok?”
Now gimme my fucking prize.
I almost accepted some bus tickets because of the PM messaging.
Your prize is shame for knowing French.
If John Travolta is half as good an actor as he is a pilot, he deserves some kind of award.
dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2008/12/so-what-if-i-have-soft-side.html
(work safe)
I will probably regret posting this, but if you want to see The Mighty Feklahr laid low by a cute, warm, fuzzy wittle puppy…look no further.
(An old friend of mine posted some ancient (like 10 years old, lol) pics of me on Facebook, this was my fave.)
Hey Donk, your avi, fat retard on a scooter? What does it say?
Tra Volta is Mars Volta’s ne’er do well cousin from Luxemborg.
Gay Pari indeed
“Page Not Found”, fucker. Thanks for getting me all excited for nothing, Fek.
HA! No warm fuzzy Fek for you!
You should have His blogspot page bookmarked like the rest of us stalker homos.
I’m not calling you a retard Al, but, did you throw 3 w’s in front of that URL?
I misread the headline as “John Travolta Acting Bitch” and I thought “How is this news?”
“it will never enter france, ok?”
i had a really good mom joke ready. not as funny now that i’m not high.
I simply cannot imagine Pulp Fiction with Travolta as Butch.
Travolta looks like the “naughty” one in a Lou Pearlman fantasy.
Al, you might have to add the h t t p : / / before it.
(He angers Uproxx for some reason if He posts those characters in that order.)
I’m not calling you a retard Al…
Yet, you are perfectly justified in doing so. Fek, that was too cute.
<**Puts helmet and mittens back on, slinks off to corner, cuddles up with Stoney**
^^ Retards have trouble with html.
Loose association, but Kranky ol’ Kris Klingle’s fave scene in the Punisher movie Travolta was in was when that guy meets up with that other guy, knocks him around a little, then starts kissing him.
Ol’ Kris Klingle said to Himself, “Wow, that’s pretty fucking gay!”
Dude, I didn’t call you a retard (this time).
Retards have trouble with most things. Like shoelaces. And ice cream.
I know Dude, it was Crappy. That asshole.
Dude Fek, my parents had a ’88 (?) Berretta with the 6cyl and a 5 spd, it did haul ass. I learned to drive in that car. Unfortunately, the CA smog eprom made it stall out in 1st alot and they took GM to court and made them buy the piece of shit back.
Then they bought a Taurus :(
w00t!!
Here Hot Lips, I’ll make you feel better:
Last Sat I went to the local ECHL Hockey game, after three tall Cenntenial Ales, and watching the boys get their shit pushed in by the last place team, I went to the beer vendor and ordered a LaBatt, “We ain’t got no Labatts.”
“No Labatt Blue?!” I exclaimed “You can’t have hockey without Labatt?! Fucking California! I bet you have Corona don’t you? Don’t you?!”
“Yes.”
I calmed down, “Ok, I’ll have a Pacifico and some Nachos.”
le fin
Tom Cruise is also in this movie, he is playing Travolta’s goatee.
I’ll pull the same act this Fri. Cuz I’m just.plain.stupid.
QAPLAH! Pacifico kicks ass!
What? We have a large Latino population in Iowa City!
HO HO GHA! Make room on the waterhead bench for Kris Klingle! he skipped right over that “full stop” that implied that He didn’t imply the retard statement.
In short, DEE DEE DEE!
C-Dog, it says “you sir are a retard”
Or something like that.
New up.
Miley Cyrus had that same look in the Bolt recording booth.
I’m a retard. (it says “my friend” instead of “sir”)
At the 15 second mark the French guy says, “it will never enter France” because you can’t bring in food or drinks into the country, my best guess.
All this talk of clenched butt cheeks, Travolta’s facial hair, and turkey basters of Ms. Preston’s sweat… I’ve noticed that goatee and goatse are just one letter apart.
Yeah, I’m looking at you, Johnny.
What an awesome teaser!
“Caroline!”
“James!”
Long, boring, exploding car shot!
I simply MUST find out how these two know each other’s names! When does this open??
“If you can figure out what the hell the French guy says at the 15-second mark, you get a prize.”
Sure it’s been answered but the guy says “That does not enter in France” or at least that’s what the french subtitles say he said.
Wow can’t believe Howie Mandell can come out as so tough on the big screen. Or wait…
0:15 Frenchie says, “No, it will never enter france okay?” in reference to the can. I worked with enough french chefs. I speak their gibberish. :D What do I win?
Two words: Battlefield Merde.