12.09.08 JESSICA BIEL STRIPS, WITH SCREENGRABS

As per SNL, it’s ok to say that i just jizzed all over my monitor and keybaord, right?

Those are your favorites? Hey, whatever, I’m not here to judge. Fucking pervert.

Is she smashing water balloons on her tits? I like that.

If Ray Liotta, Kris Kristofferson, and Forrest Whitaker all jerked off into a leather coin purse, six days later a muppet would come crawling out.

I used to want to know what a Ray Liotta sex scene looked like so I fucked a pineapple.

This is why Al Gore invented the internets.

You know when Jessica Biel looks her hottest?

In shitty fucking movies.

The votes are in: I’d eat a dead fetus out of Jessica Biel.

If you kill yourself by jumping off a building, while dressed as Santa Claus, I think you should be legally obligated to shout “HO-HO-HOOOOLLLYYY FFFUUCCCCKKKK!!!” on the way down.

she’s tucking

In Whitaker’s defense, he thought that the catwalk four feet to his right was straight in front of him.

I like the guy in the tiger mask.

Oh, and Jessica Biel in minimal clothing.

I’ll just be admiring the photos if anyone needs me.

I’m hypnotized by the one under Walkeen.

I want to go to that.

Kris Kristofferson is pretty sure this is Blade 4. Quadrangle.

When I go to Hooters, I always order the Jessica Biel strips.

If Jessica Biel was naked in a 3-D movie, I bet there would be lots of screen grabs.

If given the chance, I’d cut Jessica Biel into strips.

What can I say? I just love too hard.

You’d think that Kris Kristofferson was tired of always auditioning for “Guy With Beard”.

Jessica Biel is the kinda girl that looks like she’ll fuck your brains out, then rotate your tires.

YES PLEASE!!!

I heard a rumor that if you can get Kris Kristofferson onto his back, he’ll instantly fall asleep.

Kirk’s bridge b-day party was interrupted during the stripper’s show and they were forced to go to red alert. The offending ship, Grethor, provoked the response by screaming on all hailing frequencies to stop, “fagging up the place.”

If you lined up Biel and Alba I wouldn’t be able to point out which was which. But if you asked me to point out Hathaway or Connelly, I could do it by shooting my wad through my Levi’s.

If you put your ear up to Jessica Biel’s ass, you don’t hear the ocean, you hear galaxies being born. I imagine staring into her butthole would be like that final scene in 2001. “My God, it’s full of stars!”

Jessica Biel’s the kind of girl where you’re dating her and when walk in on your best friend plowing her, he stumps you with the argument, “But she’s hot as fuck!?” and so you just nod your head as you close the door.

If you stab Jessica Biel in the stomach, she bleeds giggles and cuteness.

If I were a busboy and Jessica Biel had just finished at her table, I’d grab her scraps, cram them into a glass and then fuck it until management asked me to leave.

Crappy, Biel is the one I would fuck until my dick fell off. Alba is the one I’d only fuck once or twice.

Hope that helps.

Sadly, I can’t watch the video or view the pictures in work but if you tell me there are nipples, I think I can muster up a Tantric ejaculation.

I hope I’m not crossing the line here, and forgive my vulgarity, but I would perform coitus with Jessica Biel until I enjoyed ‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry’.

I would give my best to try to fuck her through a bear trap that was already on my dick.

You know she’s gotta be desperate for it. Justin Timberlake is all show and no go. I demand we line up to do her, oldest first! (if anyone can beat “Eisenhower” in the “who was president when you were born,” AND you can still get it up, you can go ahead of me, otherwise you young punks can just wait till I’m finished with her. I’ll only be a minute)

The only thing that would make her hotter is if she pissed Lemon Lime Gatorade and shit weed.

I would love to serve her a meatball sub and see how long it would take for her to notice that my dick was in it.

Kris Kristofferson was the result of a genetic experiment to cross-breed Ron Perlman and Kenny Rogers.

It’s cool Juan, Pauly and I will just play our Nintendo DS’s in line.

otherwise you young punks can just wait till I’m finished with her. I’ll only be a minute

Juan, are you saying that age always comes before beauty?

I’m a Nixon. Christ I’m old. Not as old a Juan, but still.

Jessica Biel playing a crying stripper. Thank you, Santa Claus!

You got it, Donkey. Sometimes age comes before it gets its pants off.

Remember, there’s snow on the roof but there’s fire in the furnace. Actually, the furnace doesn’t work so well anymore, either.

JHC, you found the “cool” loophole though: X-Box live.

This is why I love FilmDrunk: one minute I’ve got a raging boner for Jessica Biel, the next I’m talking about Juan’s powder sac.

Juan, I’m gonna fuck her with a 5 year old on my dick sooooo….does that make me last?

Jessica Bile is so hot, Sean Avery is willing to have sex with her after Juan.

No, Pauly, it means you throw in with the thirty-somethings now.

Jessica Bile? Kavin Bacon’s ex-girlfriend?

Geroge Washingto’s step kids?

Keith Ledger’s baby mama?

I think they called this Powder Blue because the effect of watching Jessica Biel strip is the same as if you ground up Viagra and snorted it through a straw.

Wasn’t there a hex placed on the early settlers, where if you fuck past a certain age you instantly die?

One of the Garbage Pail Kids?