Jeremy Piven recently announced his abrupt departure from David Mamet’s play Speed the Plow after missing two shows, citing an illness brought on by “high mercury count.”  (Too much sushi?)

The show’s producers weren’t returning calls, but Daily Variety reached out to David Mamet, who wrote the showbiz satire and seemed skeptical of the reasons for Piven’s departure.

“I talked to Jeremy on the phone, and he told me that he discovered that he had a very high level of mercury,” Mamet said. “So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.” [Variety]

In a strange and coincidental turn, Piven’s illness was also diagnosed by High Mercury Count (homeopath, Krishna) who pulled up to Piven’s house in a ’92 Cougar, ignited a ring of sandalwood-scented sparklers around him in a circle, and shouted “Alla-Kazooey!” while balancing on one foot and flicking his ponytail.  He warned Piven about mercury in addition to dangerously misaligned chakras.