HE HEARTS RAY LIOTTA
12.03.08You might not think this video about how to annoy people at the gym is film-related, but you’d be wrong. Because one of the things the guy returns to the lost and found is a piece of paper that says “I heart Ray Liotta”. So there. Now it’s film related. And it’s funny, so shut up.
Little known fact: Ray Liotta doesn’t go to the gym. But he spends 20 minutes every morning grimacing at his pock marks.
[via WithLeather]
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If this doesn’t have dubs spotting chod doing some squat thrusts, I’m not interested.
JHC, you want to see a video a Chod spotting me while I’m choke-’bating?
I can’t watch it, but I was kinda hoping it had Pauly doing a 20-lb snatch.
Now I can’t watch this here or at WithoutLaughter until I get home.
I used to work at a gym in college and I found that the best way to annoy people was to close the gym 45 minutes early and then explain over the loud speaker that I had to go get a “D-suck”.
When I weight lift, I do it in my backyard. Which basically means I’m naked while Tears For Fears’ “Songs From The Big Chair” blares from my stereo.
Not movie related! BONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t watch the video, is there any masturbating in it? I know for a fact that masturbating is a good way to annoy people at the gym. Especially in the racquetball courts.
Adrien Brody asked me to spot him once.
Yeah, the Scatman singing was funny, the rest, not so much.
Ray Liotta is Almost Edward James.
I annoy Gyms by calling them Jaques.
Ray Liotta jazzercises in front of a mirror while wearing a speedo and crying while saying “fear me!”
*just realized that that would’ve been funny if it was John instead of Jim*
Fuck it. I stand by my foolishness.
*heads to corner with copy of Men’s Fitness and bottle of lotion*
*chodin wipes tear from corner of eye*
I’m…not…fucking…cry- I got some shit in my eye…one love, Dubs. One love.
I like to annoy the meat heads at the gym by using the free weights and doing 20 or so reps with 10 pounders on each side, then slamming the bar down and yelling “COWABUNGA MOTHERFUCKERS! THAT’S HOW YOU SLING IRON, BITCHES!”
There was a yoked black dude at my old gym that would scream, fucking top of the lungs YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH after every.fucking.rep. Sure, the roid freak was pushing three wheels and change but it was really fucking annoying.
I’m sure his overweight, low-self esteem having, kid squirting white girlfriend fucking loved it too, Crappy. Bee-lee dat!
Ray Liotta was in Goodfellas.
But he was also in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Wild Hogs.
So fuck him.
Arena is Latin for sand.
This sucks.
Ray Liotta is Robe Lowe after hunting with Dick Cheney.
Robe Lowe is Rob Lowe’s D&D playing little brother.
Robe Lowe’s favorite actor is Kavin Bacon.
“Liotta” is latin for “Oatmeal Face”.
Donk, shut the fuck up.
Ray Liotta proves that your face can stick that way.
That’ll team him to do his impression of a fat chick’s ass.
Ray Liotta’s face can be used to score darts.
Helen of Troy’s is the face that launched a thousand ships. Ray Liotta’s is the face they launched from.
Ray Liotta’s face had a job in college as a bulletin board in the commons.
If you run a blu-ray laser over Ray Liotta’s face, it will play Cannonball Run in seven languages at once.
If you did an ink blot of Ray Liotta’s face, it would look like a DNA test result.
Ray’s face is the Wikipedia for blind people.
Ray’s face is an exact replica of the star chart for the Milky Way.
Ray’s face gets good traction in mud or snow.
Ray can hold an extra gallon of water in his face for long treks through the desert.
Ray Liotta’s face contains a secret ancient code for how to make quiche.
Ray’s face will give chickens pox.
Rays’ face was never considered a suitable landing site for the Apollo missions.
Ray Liotta’s mother was a little too squeamish with the coat hanger.
By drawing lines between all the craters, Ray Liotta’s face spells out “Hi Jo!”
Ray’s face doubles as a gnocchi maker at family gatherings.
Ray Liotta can stick the furry end of a velcro strip to his face without using adhesive.
Ray Liotta’s pock marks came from pimples who saw who they had grown on and said “fuck this, I’m out of here.”
Ray’s nickname growing up was “Mommy’s Little Pincushion”.
Ray’s nickname growing up was “StepDad’s Fucking No Good Ashtray”.
Ray Liotta’s face has been maced before. No, not the spray.
I am sure the craters spell STFU DONK
Giving birth to Ray was his mother’s version of the old golfball trick.
Ray Liotta used to torture ants as a kid by holding a magnifying glass in front of his face and yelling “BOO!” at them.
When his wife takes out her contacts she thinks she’s looking at the moooooooon.
Ray’s face is not only long off the tee, but has a nice feel around the green.
Hellen Keller is convinced that Ray Liotta is Mr. Potato Head.
You know, usually Vance has the video fixed by the time we’re done with one page. WTF? That’s an awfully long lunch you’re taking, young man.
And the video was funny but was missing the gratuitously bloody nipples, giant rashes and innappropriate man on man wrestling/tickling.
Ray Liotta once motorboated Jo and she told me it felt like an underinflated kickball.
Oh. Well then what was the point of posting it?
Ray Liotta’s face offered housing for the Million Man March.
Ray Liotta used to shave by lying down under a combine harvester.
Ray Liotta was a big fan of Richard Nixon, so when he declared war on acne, he fought it with a rigorous carpet-bombing campaign.
Donk, you fuckin’ pansy. Why’d you throw “harvester” in there? Catering to the sissyfied city folk? You need to keep it real.
** raises hand **
um… I needed the “harvester” in there, JHC.
Ray Liotta didn’t know that “face the music” didn’t mean letting rock stars smash guitars on it.
J, I didn’t want people confused as to whether the scars got there because of farm equipment or the cleats of NFL hopefuls.
Ray Liotta’s face is . . . uhhhh . . . fuck this game! Bring back the dick jokes!
Ray’s shop teacher could never quite figure out how Ray’s wood projects could get sanded so smooth without ever using sandpaper.
Ray Liotta was the last person to ever use Black & Decker’s patented fully-automatic staple gun.
Where is Gary Busey? Seems like his thread
I will always <3 Ray Liotta for playing that cop that like stalks that woman. Only because there’s that one scene where he bangs that hooker in his squad car, tosses her out on the street and yells at her. It help define my attitude towards women that day forward.
Gary Busey thinks Ray Liotta should hahden the fuck up.
Ray Liotta won the hundred yard dash in a ninety yard gymnasium.
Gary Busey once took a crap while filming a movie. That crap was Ray Liotta.
Ray Liotta shaves with a pitchfork
When Ray does his impression of a blow fish, his cheeks look like they’ve just lost three paintball matches in a row.
Ray Liotta makes a pretty good living smuggling Mexicans across the border, in his face.
When he was a kid, Ray Liotta used to stop his bike by dragging his face.
Ray Liotta’s face is the Italian version of a Chinese Checkerboard.
Harvey Dent looked at Ray Liotta and said “What the fuck happened to your face?”
Ray Liotta thinks Danny Trejo is “one handsome fella”.
When Ray Liotta comes in from the rain and shakes his head we get 4 inches of water on the ground.
Ray Liotta just doesn’t “get” Pin The Tail on The Donkey.
Ray Liotta likes to drunk eat spaghetti
Ray Liotta calls Gary Busey ‘Carol’ and he’s okay with that.
Ray Liotta gets ready for every day by dodging bottle rockets. Hey, nobody’s perfect.
Ray Liotta’s face is what happens when Gary Busey tries to give you a hickey
Gary Busey’s Spirit Name IS Carol, but he doesn’t like Ray Liotta using it as their “safe word”.
Ray Liotta’s face used to work as a mudflap for a gravel truck.
Ray Liotta is pretty sure Donk is getting the next COTW prize. And if he doesn’t, Ray Liotta is going to Vance’s house.
To sing to him.
Ray Liotta’s face was sculpted just like the grand canyon. He was a real crybaby when he was a kid.
If Ray Liotta ever gets added to Mt. Rushmore, all they’ll have to do is the eyes and nose, the rest will take care of itself.
Ray Liotta has what we like to call “Three-Day-Old-Little-Caesar’s-Pizza Face”
Ray Liotta can retire comfortably on the settlement he received from Willy Wonka for the damage done after the explosion in the Nerds factory.
Ray Liotta needs to find a black Heidi Klum to marry.
Jesus Christ, it’s like a Donkey explosion in here today.
Ray Liotta hearts Donkey Hodey.
Ray knew people were jealous of his good looks so he shared some of his face with James Hetfield.
Ray Liotta insulted a cheese grater once.
Once.
In the cheese grater’s defense, Ray’s face does resemble a hunk of Swiss so…
{walks up hand in packets whistling “Hurt.”}
Fuck mike…
I think it is more like Donkey Hodey HEARTS Ray Liotta
Ray Liotta tried to motorboat a running weed whacker.
Ray Liotta will never set a claymore mine backward again.
When swimming with the kiddies, Ray Liotta plugs his nose puffs his cheeks and blows bubbles out of his face. The kids call him Jack Oozie.
When he was a baby, Ray Liotta’s mother used to feed him with a fork and say “Here comes the Amtrak train, pulling into the station!”
The Nazis used Ray Liotta’s face to make the head piece for staff to try and find the ark. But they used the wrong cheek.
And they dug in the wrong place.
Ray Liottas Mom: Ray! come into the kitchen and help me with the pizzas and rub your face against the mozzarella slab…
Young Ray Liotta rubbed deoderant on his face because people told him his pits stunk.
Ray Liotta… you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Early in his career as a stage magician, Ray Liotta had his headline gimick, the Massage Bed of Nails.
He turned to acting after a horrible accident.
Ray Liotta’s face got that way because of a home Botox kit he bought from China. Little did he know the Chinese make their Botox out of melanine and dog shit.
Suicidal Ray Liotta tried to blow his head off, with rocksalt.
Ray Liotta visits victims in the Burn Unit to make them feel better.
Adrian Brody’s nose keeps trying to use Ray Liotta’s face as a hiding spot during hide-n-seek.
Ray Liotta suffered from face herpes.
In his youth, Ray Liotta was called Pockerhead.
Ray Liotta’s detist has bad aim.
Ray Liotta’s proctologist has really bad aim.
As a youth, Ray Liotta was mouth raped by Ol’ Spike Balls Jones the neighborhood transient.
My wife was painting our bathroom and wanted to do a special effect with the topcoat so she picked up a roller named “Liottaface”.
Now she’s afraid to undress in there.
Ray Liotta was atacked by the same guy that attacked Tina Fey, only he used thumbtacks that time.
Ray Liotta’s… fucked(!) up my sponge painting riff there Donk.
A solar eclipse is nothing more than Ray Liotta in blackface.
Ray Liotta visited Roswell and got mobbed by dipshits that thought he had returned for his spaceship.
*passed C-Dog a tumbleweed and piss boot according to CJC rule #18.
NASA is using Ray Liotta’s face to test their new rover.
Ray Liotta tried one morning to see what Col. Kilgore’s deal was. Unfortunately, nobody told him not to light the napalm while he was smelling it.
{tips boot to Donk}
Ray Liotta gets pissed that T-cells are always trying to bond with his face.
Ray Liotta bobs for apples in a fry vat.
When Ray Liotta got initiated into Project Mayhem, Tyler Durden poured the lye on his face instead of his arm.
Ray Liotta took his role in the Seal biopic just a bit to seriously.
Ray Liotta can start a fire by rubbing flint on his face.
Ray Liotta was really pissed when he didn’t win the role of Baron Harkonen in the Dune movie.
Ray Liotta was gonna be the head zombie in a Wes Craven movie but Wes kept saying that his face looked fake.
As a kid, Ray Liotta got one of those army platoons from Battleground.
Ray Liotta now knows better than to jump on a trampoline while looking up at an acoustic ceiling.
Ray Liotta is into extreme acupuncture.
The body snatchers didn’t snatch Ray because they didn’t want to do that to one of there own.
Ya, so their.
Ray Liotta mis-read the instructions on his jetpack.
Ray liotta is the other long lost Fratelly brother
After the childhood accident, Ray Liotta’s face was used as proof that Leggos are to sharp.
Ciao drunks!
“To” sharp? Crappy, I love you man, but that’s two in a row. Go take JHC’s place in the corner.
For Ray Liotta, doing the Bump & Grind means dancing face-to-face.
Ray Liotta plays russian roulette with scorpions.
Ray Liotta teaches the blind how an orange feels
Ray Liotta’s face can be used to trick bats into thinking they’re at home.
Hey, I don’t know why you guys bag on Ray Liotta like that. He’s a cool guy. In fact, one time he let me use his face to play Battleship on.
Ray Liotta knows not to remove permanent marker with steel wool; now.
I bet Ray gets sick of people running up to him and saying “Hey Freddy Krueger, can I have your autograph?”
Every time Grand Theft Auto: Vice City glitches, I blame Ray Liotta’s face.
Ray Liotta was treading water in the ocean at the end of Black Sunday.
After being asked about a Holes sequel starring Ray Liotta, Jon Voight’s head exploded.
Ray Liotta could easily be a James Bond villan’s henchman. I don’t know why he hasn’t auditioned yet.
Fuck this, I’m going to bed. I hate it when I show up to the party this late.